I have posted on Mnet several times in the last year re: emotionally abusive marriage. Married 5 years, supported him with immigration issues since were together, have 2 dc's aged 3 and 5. STBXH is middle eastern. We have v different values re: disciplining children, but I do not feel i met the real him until we were married and Ds 1 was born. STBXH struggled with my PND and basically revived his love affair with weed as his way of coping with me and baby. Things got a little better and DC2 conceived. Pregnancy was query downs syndrome but baby was born ok..pregnancy stressful as husband seemed to withdraw and started going out more, angrier arguments, him going off for several days, more weed, some gambling, punched walls, smashed phones,..he was threatening to divorce me as soon as ds2 was born..just as my waters started to break. Me and ds2 nearly died during child birth 9in hospital). STBXH left us soon again when ds2 was 2 weeks old..but came back 5 days later.
Since then, we muddled through for first 9 months but have hardly lived together in last 3 years. We fundamentally disagree on discipline - he has been very harsh with the boys and even now, with little time spent with them, can dissolve them quickly to tears. Does not see my protests of his treatment of them as valid. If you met him, you would meet an attractive, charismatic, charmer/people pleaser. I have come to know a confusing, resentful, sometimes punitive, angry man. He can be great and has been again over festive period, where I have been ill and he has helped out..I know he thinks we can just pick up where we left off, and I briefly conned myself that we could, , but its just not good enough is it? He hates all my (nice and supportive) friends, does not seem to recognise the value of the stressful support job I have and holds up every mistake I have made above the next, so its like there is a brick wall of my failings getting ever higher. I am, to him, either the evil witch who has wrecked his life, or the wonderful wife that he adores. There is no middle ground. I have had bouts of stress and depression with him. I have seen him in dreadful, scary road rage incidents and has told me stories where he has deeply punished some women who wronged him in his home country.
This is my 2nd marriage. I was married earlier, to a lovely man, by the time we married we were more like siblings and i was too immature to stick around to work at it. But I have really worked at this marriage - if I had put a tenth of this effort into the first marriage, I probably would have had a very different life. I do not regret my lovely sons, but I regret their Dad..because I still feel a pull to him, though most of me distrusts and resents him, disbelieves him. I just want you all to shout at me, or tell me your stories of life beyond divorcing a difficult partner. I'm nearly there, but I need some nudging to the finish line..decree absolute could be weeks away..Thanks.
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MNetters please drag me to the finishing line!
6 replies
dippyDoohdah · 31/12/2012 12:03
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