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Relationships

HELP!

20 replies

christmosschops30 · 31/12/2012 09:05

some of you know me and Dh not having the best of times.
This morning he started the poke me in the back thing, saying he'd had a dream, was horny etc.
I said no, the kids were around, were at my mothers and the last time we had sex I felt like he raped me Hmm

It's not the first time I've said this. Which is why we haven't had sex for 3 months.
He's now gone mad saying how dare I say that to him, how would I feel if he called me a child molester! And that if I say no 20 times then stick my bum out and let him carry on without moving then I obviously wanted it.

Thoughts please

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TrazzleMISTLEtoes · 31/12/2012 09:08

Thoughts?

Does he have any redeeming features? Because it sounds as if you would be better off rid.

It felt as if he raped you? He thinks you sticking your bum out means you want it?

I don't know your back story but I am nervous for you.

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christmosschops30 · 31/12/2012 09:12

I'm shocked that he's making it about he feels rather than discuss how I felt Hmm

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VestaCurry · 31/12/2012 09:15

Has he always been so selfish? Am horrified at his treatment of you. Feeling as though you have been raped means you were essentially Sad.
I am nervous for you too.

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TisILeclerc · 31/12/2012 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 31/12/2012 09:24

He sounds terrible. You're clearly just a handy vagina to him.... no thought for your feelings. Any particular reason why you're still with him?

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trustissues75 · 31/12/2012 09:29

Oh yes....I said this to the ex once...he was wounded terribly and couldn't believe I'd said it. He probably couldn't because, just like yours by the sounds of it, couldn't have cared less about my feelings and my emotions didn't even register with him unless it suited him.

It was all about he felt about what I'd said...not about the feelings behind my saying it...just like yours.

What a cunt.

Really sorry you're with such a selfish man.

Hugs

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christmosschops30 · 31/12/2012 10:33

I wish I could just forward through all the shit that would come with a split

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trustissues75 · 02/01/2013 16:11

OP how are you?

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christmosschops30 · 02/01/2013 19:30

I'm still here, still miserable and still don't know what to do Hmm
But thanks for asking

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AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2013 19:34

Thoughts?

Leave him. No more thinking to be done.

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cozietoesie · 02/01/2013 19:36

You have to start thinking about it, OP. Do you really want another year of this?

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cozietoesie · 02/01/2013 19:37

When I say 'thinking about it' I mean the pure mechanics of it, of course.

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christmosschops30 · 02/01/2013 19:42

I have thought about it, and had a chat with a friend who confided she is in the same position.

Ideally in a years time I would like to be separated, living back home with a nice little house for me and dcs

I have no idea what to say, where to start or even if you can just swan off with your kids, legally speaking

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AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2013 20:22

Have you sought any professional advice ?

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happynewmind · 02/01/2013 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cozietoesie · 02/01/2013 20:32

As above. You can often get the first consultation with a solicitor free - just to discuss how to go about things.

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christmosschops30 · 02/01/2013 21:04

No not sought any advice yet.
I have an assignment due in this week and an exam next week so just need to get them out the way.

I would be 6 hours away by car, would absolutely not restrict contact. Would I need a court order?

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AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 02/01/2013 23:31

If you don't seek professional advice, then you will still be fruitlessly shouting for "help" from internet strangers for every abusive thing he does to you this time next year

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trustissues75 · 04/01/2013 10:13

Take it one day at a time, chops.

It's a lot to deal with. Don't start worrying about court orders just yet...unless he's going to be an arse it's unlikely you'll need to go through that. Baby steps. Solicitor.

Hugs

Trust

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 10:22

Book an appointment with a solicitor specialising in Family Law timed after your exams. Many offer a free half hour and you will get lots of very useful information because you situation is by no means unique.

Take some time to work out how you'd be fixed financially by checking resources such as the //www.turn2us.org.uk Benefits Checker, the CSA calculators and so on. You may be better off in that regard than you think.

'Knowledge is power' and the more information and advice you get, the less you have to guess and make assumptions.

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