DH's younger sister has always been a bit tricky since early adulthood - she behaves in a fairly entitled way, messes up and never faces consequences, is fairly selfish but is never picked up on it. Due to family history, MIL and FIL have tended to enable her, and pander to her as they had a rough time when she was a teenager, so I suppose they wanted to look after her, even though it's backfired a bit, and made her this way. Her behaviour has escalated since she got together with her DP who behaves pretty appallingly [but that's a whole other story!] He seems to have brough out the worst of her selfishness as he is very selfish himself.
Basically, DH now feels his relationship with his sister is at an all-time low, and he feels very angry with the way she [and her DP] treat him, and the rest of the family. They behaved very badly to PIL about six months ago, and PIL did actually confront them, but DH's sister threw a huge strop and wouldn't speak to them, swore at them etc.
Really, DH now feels that if he continues to be civil to his sister it will be for the sake of PIL, as a family feud between their children would upset them, as there are several other family feuds in the family. However, seeing his sister behave in this way is really eating away at him [he's a very decent guy and finds it hard to see someone treating his family like this]. Sometimes he talks about confronting her about everything she's done. However, from her behaviour six months ago, it's unlikely she's going to take any of it on board, and she'll probably just have a tantrum and disengage, and PIL would be sad.
We don't see them often, probably 2-3 times a year, with PIL, and it's tense, though all are polite outwardly. I tend to think that we should just go with the flow, nod and smile when we see them, be civil, keep the peace and save our sanity.
But really - can DH really stand by for the rest of his life and let this bad behaviour go? It really gets under his skin. Any advice about how to handle this situation would be appreciated, because quite honestly, his ranting about it, while completely understandable, is starting to get to me.
What to do?! Thanks for listening to this, sorry it's a bit long 
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DH's difficult relationship with sister [sorry, bit long]
CoffeeMum · 31/12/2012 07:56
Christ, that sounds like awful behaviour 
, your poor DH and PIL, no wonder your DH has washed his hands of her. I'm glad to hear that he has made his peace with the situation. I really hope my DH can do the same. I think the key will have to be that we don't even discuss SIL's bad behaviour because that's when he starts to get angry about the situation. Somehow he needs to detach, like your DH has managed to do. I really hope he can do it.
Thanks for your advice 
All the best to you and your family
Thanks mrsrudolph - okay, so what was the fallout? How did his sister react? What did FIL think? How does it go when he ignores her at family gatherings? - isn't it hideously tense for everyone, or does it go okay?
Thank you for sharing your experience too It's horrible for everyone involved, but there is comfort in knowing DH isn't the only one going through this situation.
Hmmm, glad you've reached a resolution, and I know DH does have a real urge to call his sister on her behaviour...but I just can't see his sister taking any criticism in the way your DH's sister seems to have done. There would be tantrums.... That's the problem, he couldn't quietly say it, and reach a truce with sister, there would be fallout. Happy it's worked out as well as it could have done for your DH though. Thanks for your reply, useful hearing about what others have done, helps me work through my thoughts.
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