I need to know what other (non involved) people think about this - mother making weird comments

[sonearsofar]

Yesterday we had our Xmas family party, which went OK. This morning my mother (who I find difficult, but am ok with on a superficial level) rang and spoke to my husband - I was out. After a few niceties about how the party went she went on to say that she and my dad had been talking about my daughter and that it was a good job that she wasn't married to her boyfriend (that she's been living with for 2 years and loves v. much) as sex means a lot to her (my daughter) and as she wouldn't be getting any at the moment (her boyfriend had a serious car accident a few months ago, and it is taking him a long time to recover and, no, I have no idea if he can have sex or not) she could move on. My husband just said, briefly, how upset he was by her comment and hung up. So ..is this totally bonkers of my mum, or are we being over-sensitive to be angered by this, and how would you react?

[dequoisagitil]

I would wear a confused face, I think!

But she has a (somewhat cynical/harsh) point,i guess, if what she means is that she doesn't want your dd to spend her life as a carer, if that is on the cards.

But it depends what your mum is like normally.

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

Opportunistic mad-as-a-badger-itis. :) Sounds like she doesn't like your DD's boyfriend much and thinks DD just needs a justifiable excuse to call it a day.... so she's conveniently provided one. Obviously it's none of her business. Does your DM have a lot of time on her hands?

[badinage]

This is an extraordinary level of sexual prurience in a grandmother. Does it ring any nasty bells about that sort of unboundaried behaviour when you first had sexual relationships?

If on the other hand this is totally out of left field and unusual - have you considered dementia? One of the earliest warning signs is when a person appears to have no filter and either speaks their mind in a hurtful way, or expresses views that they would never have had while well.

[Binfullofgibletsonthe26th]

How does she know that sex means a lot to her grand daughter?

[yohohoho]

Why would she know that sex is important to your dd?

[yohohoho]

binfull
that was my first though.

[Arithmeticulous]

Normal grandmothers don't think about let alone talk about their granddaughter's sex lives, surely? Has she form for this?

[GrumpySod]

My mother would have thought something like that but not said it. Does your mom normally have problems with appropriate social boundaries?

[MarilynValentine]

Utterly bizarre and inappropriate.

Has your daughter confided in her about her sex life?! Seems unlikely!

And even if she had, your DM's comments would still be creepy and misplaced.

[sonearsofar]

thanks for all the responses - no, she's making assumptions about my daughter and has a record of mis judging bounderies (one of the reasons we're not close)

[GrumpySod]

Ah, poor woman. That must backfire in her face an awful lot.

[Binfullofgibletsonthe26th]

You could call her bluff and respond, "actually mum, they mentioned over lunch today that Oral sex was her favorite, and he'll be focussing on this area a lot more in the upcoming year"

Then move on quickly to the extortionate price of party poppers while she hangs there with her jaw on the floor....

Your daughter sounds lovely, and I hope her bf makes a full recovery btw.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

I think that's very odd and creepy. Not appropriate and rather cruel to the boyfriend after something tragic has happened, for both him and your daughter.

And saying to your OH is even weirder (though it would be bloody weird anyway).

Have you heard of fronto-temporal dementia? This can make people disinhibited and prone to making inappropriate (often sexual) comments.