Will try to keep brief. Spent a few days over Christmas with my parents. I was in an abusive relationship with an ex H for ten years and although we are separated there have been difficulties still.
My Mum has very strange ideas about abused women, when I was with him she would call me "weak" for not leaving and believes there are certain types of women who will be abused or not. Eg her friend is too strong to be abused so she is surprised that she let this happen to her. On the other hand another friend is so stupid and weak that she is not surprised that it happened to her. She said this to me over the break and it really bothered me so I confronted her and basically said she didn't know what she was talking about and she is buying into the myth of domestic abuse. My Mother does not like to be confronted, so I got the silent treatment for while. Went to pack and when I came downstairs my parents started to talk to me about how my ex H treats me, I refuted some of the things they were saying and my Mum said to my Dad "see DH if she doesn't like something she says she becomes argumentative!" I was NOT being argumentative, I was just disagreeing. It has always been like this with my parents though if you disagree you get "why are you doing this?" "Why are you on the attack?" etc.
In the end I went upstairs and said lets leave it there I am going home now, she followed me up and said "thats right run away!" I replied "I am not running away, I am just not going to let you rant on at me about things you have no clue about". Admittedly things were heated at this point. She then said to me "when you are like this, I can see why your ex treated you the way he did". My ex hit me, he was repeatedly unfaithful with prositutes and had numerous affairs, he was verbally and emotionally abusive, pretty much any story told on here I could match. I was absolutely devasted that she said this, I have confided so much to her, probably a mistake as time has proven over and over again that in the end there will be a big falling out and your weaknesses used against you. My sibling refuses to ever spend a night in their house because of such incidents. But we had been getting on well for a few years. I should add here that she was very physically and verbally abusive towards us growing up but I have never blamed her for this, have still had a relationship with her and told her I understood her issues as she had a terrible childhood herself.
So anyway, just wanted to get it out really. I called to say that we were home safe and she told me she had only said it out of "tough love" so I could sort things out for myself. I don't think that can be classed as tough love. I know my Mum and she looked at me as she said it with a look on her face that I can only describe as pleasure.
Not sure where to go from here. Any thoughts welcome.
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Big row, not sure I can forgive what was said.
22 replies
AbbyLockhart · 30/12/2012 11:45
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