I need to get all this out before I explode, but I feel it is too late. I broke a long time ago. I apologise for it being in list form but its easier to get down and my head is a mess
DP is a heavy drinker and a pain in the arse when he's drunk
When dp comes in from work the first thing he does is change into his dressing gown, no underwear, nothing else, he stinks and it's gross and no matter how much I tell him it's gross he won't stop doing it.
Next door blast their tv until 3am. I've not had an unbroken nights sleep since October
I work full time. I have done since I was 16. I feel I've missed out on my children as a result
I am in a lot of pain. I have muscular skeletal and neurological pain problems that aren't fixable. I can't cope with this any more.
My children are at their dads until the new school year. I'm broken inside missing them
I'm sick of being the 'go to' person who everyone offloads to, but I don't have anyone who returns the favour
I'm fat. I'm ugly. When I meet someone who hasn't seen me for ages the only thing they can think of to say to me is usually 'wow hasn't your hair got long, you look, well, different now' gee thanks
My life consists of work, home, see the children for an hour before bed, then I have a bath to ease the pain and go to bed myself. I don't live, I exist.
I have no relationship with dp any more as a result of the above, I have no relationship with my children, my siblings and dps siblings are all 'perfect' all in £40k+ a year jobs and married to people with similar jobs. We're barely scraping by.
I hate it
I hate everything
I've been to the dr and been dismissed with a 'you need to learn to live with the pain, that's what's making you depressed' and that's it. No help no support nothing.
I really am a crap person
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What on earth am I doing?
Utterlylostandneedtogo · 29/12/2012 00:19
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