Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is this is cheating on me?

(170 Posts)
amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:32:38

my oh has been very secretive for months. Texting all times of day and late and night. facebooking intill gone midnight. everytime i go near he either closes the browser or turns his phone over so i can't see. on the way home from his works do on friday night he stopped the car at 11.30 to text while he thought i was asleep. Then Sunday morning i see him hiding his phone in the bed under the covers texting. I went mad and got very upset. i demanded he told me who he was texting. he denied texting and when i demanded to see the texts he said it wasn't any of my business. he went to the loo and deleted all the texts. i got very upset and demanded he tell me who he was texting. eventually he told me it was two women he was "he was helping and supporting them through hard situations and that they didn't want him to tell me what so he couldn't show me". I think this is cheating, even if it is just emontinally. he says i shouldn't be upset and he doesn't see he has done anything wrong. AIBU?

gimmecakeandcandy Wed 26-Dec-12 20:30:21

Update op?

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Tue 18-Dec-12 14:53:17

amy there's a thread in Chat right now, here, that might be worth a read. It's light and fun but lots of us have posted about how we feel after having left the bastard. Have a read and think about what you want to feel like in one, two, five years.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 18-Dec-12 14:23:29

Then you know what you must start working towards, love

Get some professional advice and take it from there x

amy175 Tue 18-Dec-12 13:00:06

I want to be happy, for me and my kids.

amy175 Tue 18-Dec-12 12:59:23

That's what I'm afraid of still feeling this crap for the next fifty years.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 18-Dec-12 00:01:43

amy please don't stay with a man like this

he hates you, he doesn't love you

you are just a mug for him to come back to when his approaches to OW fall on deaf ears

that woman you don't even know saw through him, you can too, and even though you know what he is like you would still let him stay ??

see a solicitor love, if your house has been adapted for your dd's disability, he can be made to leave if your relationship has broken down

it will be hard, but it is doable

tbh though love, if all you can manage to do is get pissed and carry on listening to his crap....you will still be this unhappy and broken this time next year sad

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Mon 17-Dec-12 23:55:15

Don't scare us like that, amy.

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 23:24:36

maybe evven wrap it himself this time!

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 23:19:04

hes being apolgetic now taking about getting me something nice for xmas

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 23:17:52

i thought he had as he used a phrase i had written on here, but he hasnt said anything else

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 23:16:34

i'm ok he wont hurt me, im not scared of him, that was a one off

Doha Mon 17-Dec-12 23:02:55

He is a twat--why do you think he has found this thread...

But anyway

hello Mr any175. I hope you have had time to read and digest all that has been written here. you truely are an apology for a man. You are a liar and a cheat who does not deserve to have a wife and family.
I hope Amy gathers some support and gets the strength to throw you out as soon as possible. She might want to get herself an STI check cause l am sure you have not been faithful to her.
She deseves someone so much better than you--you deserve nowt

HildaOgden Mon 17-Dec-12 23:01:29

Amy,are you ok?Phone someone in RL straight away...a friend or family member...and let them know NOW what's happening.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Mon 17-Dec-12 23:00:43

I was going to say, before the bit about him not leaving sad that his refusal to acknowledge that he has done anything wrong and blaming you has to be the last straw. At least if he was begging forgiveness, blaming himself, saying he was going to change, suggesting counselling, you would have something to work with.

He just want you to deal with the DC, do the housework and shut the fuck up. He just wants to do whatever he wants. Please get yourself some advice.

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Mon 17-Dec-12 22:57:37

Are you safe, amy. Can you call someone? I'm really worried about you.

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:55:19

i think he has found this thread

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:49:30

i dont think he wants to tell his family or friends

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:48:30

he is refusing to go. i can't leave as our house is done for our disabled daughter

deste Mon 17-Dec-12 22:46:38

I think your last post would be the deal breaker for me without the rest of it. He is not showing you any respect whatsoever.

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:46:32

and now i'm turning into an alcoholic, i'm on my second glass now.

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:44:15

by not going he is forcing me to stay with him

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:43:32

and he wasn't there for me when i was in hopsital, he rarely visited but had time for the gym etc. and when i came out in a back brace i had to do all the housework staright away, even the day i came out which was way too early but i discharged myself as my kids needed me. should have been in for much longer.

amy175 Mon 17-Dec-12 22:41:04

he is getting angry and upset and refusing to leave when i asked him to tonight. he says he wants it to work and wont go.
I am not sure i want to try again, he seems to want to blame me for not being there for him (even though i have broken my back in a horrid accident and spent loads of time in hospital, had a child run over and had another very poorly) over the last year. so this is the reason he did what he did. so my fault. Its my fault that he cant keep it in his pants

Foolagain Mon 17-Dec-12 21:43:59

he's a liar. admitting to the least he can get away with.what a shit...

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Mon 17-Dec-12 19:16:02

he still says he hasn't been unfaithful because the other women didn't want to. As far as I am concerned, the fact that he wanted to is enough. He was unfaithful in everything except the deed. Do you think he would sleep with her now if she asked him too? Or someone else if the opportunity arises?

Also, he doesn't help you enough, he has hit you, he lies and hides things. Perhaps the other woman saw him for what he is. I'm rooting for you to get rid, get happy and move on. If you do decide to stay, please make sure that he at least has some boundaries, agrees to more housework and does it, gives you access to all passwords and codes, agrees he has done wrong and that you are allowed to not trust him.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now