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I freeze up, cry & feel sick when attempting sex.

26 replies

christmaswish · 08/12/2012 16:38

I do (or did) love sex, but I'm becoming averse to it suddenly. Last night was the worst. We had a nice bath, but I was uncomfortable there, so we went to bed. I felt sick when DH started touching me, and just brushed him aside. In the end I asked him to leave me alone. I just cried.

There are issues (I've talked about them before under my regular name), but we had (sort of) resolved them, or so I thought.

Part of the problem is that I need to feel desired, special. Yet, DH rejects my advances 3/4s of the time. At the moment we are averaging less than once a week. I let my guard down with sex, it makes me feel vulnerable. It's fine when it's regular, as you bond, oxytocin helping with this, but when you know that he's going to reject you for at least another week - well it makes me clam up. I feel like a masturbatory receptacle, I scratch an itch, it's not intimacy to 'bond' us.

I think things got worse when I discovered he had signed up to a site, that a lot of other MNetters DHs had. He did show me his account after lots of threats from me, and it appears that he hadn't contacted any of the women. So his story of registering to see one of the 'girls' private pics may be genuine.

I still can't get over it though. I still feel sick, that he became obsessed with a teenage girl, then joined & possibly paid, to see her nude. The fact that he's a "red-blooded man" doesn't mean jackshit to me. He betrayed me.

What is worse - he emailed the site to his adult son (who is older than the girl), so he could look at her too. So they shared a little 'joke', looking at some pros photos. His son has been here several times since then - no wonder he doesn't respect me or our marriage. His son often makes jokes about which girls on TV his dad fancies, or wants to shag... I've never understood why DH hasn't pulled him up on it, now I know. He will be coming over the festive period, and I can't face being pleasant, not knowing that he & his dad were sharing in this betrayal.

The other thing that has happened recently is that DH told me he'd been invited to a xmas meal after work this week, so would be late. Fine, till DD1 pulled his coat down, and the invitation slip fell out - the date is the following week. I didn't tell him I knew this, but re-checked the date, and he is adamant it is this week. I'm also suspicious that he has suddenly got a verruca, never taking his shoes off anywhere but home, and has got a skin-tag thing on his willy.

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CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts · 08/12/2012 17:09

Why on earth would you want sex with someone as despicable as that? When someone insults and offends you to the very core of your femininity the way you describe how are you meant to find them sexually attractive? When you say you need to feel desired and special that sounds like desperation borne of this cruel competition he's placed you in.... you vs the porn stars.... The fact that you keep trying, even though you feel repulsed and even though keep getting knocked back, is your pride talking

What you should expect from a partner is, very simply, 'love'. You're getting overt lies, insults, disrespect, unwanted sexual advances, possibly infidelity and STDs (willy skin tags??) .... it's an appalling list of abusive behaviour. And now he's got his son in on the act????

Have you ever spoken to someone in RL that you can trust? Would you consider contacting Womens Aid?