mobile phones

[youliveyoulearn]

How many of you have access to H mobile phone?
Found message from OW 5 months ago.
Yesterday H left phone on side when he went out. WhenI came in thought it was my phone so picked it up. Had resisted instinct to look before but could see that there were missed calls /messages and tried to read them only he had obviously put password in place. Feeling really anxious now and will have to ask him WHY he has felt the need to do that. Only problem is that then he wlll know I've looked.
Why do I feel so guilty?
Do I as his wife have the right to beable to access his phone?

[Walkacrossthesand]

No, you have no right to be able to see his phone, but you have every reason to be worried! Password protecting a phone can be a sensible thing to do for general security, but the problem with mobiles is how they can facilitate deceit. And of course if you try to guess his password (PIN number, birthday...) next time you are alone with the phone, he'll know you've tried. I'm sorry.

[akaemmafrost]

I disagree. I think if he had an affair then his phone should be available to you and he should be fine with that.

[ripsishere]

I agree with aka.
I'm in the fortunate position of not doubting my DH and having full access to his phone.
I would be very suspicious if he got a lock for it.

[imtheonlyone]

Presume the messages and missed calls were from this same OW? What did the message say 5 months ago and did you talk about it to your DH then?
Personally both me and my DP have passwords that protect our phones - but there is no secret, we know each others codes. It's only in place because our kids pick up the phones and like to help themselves!!!!!
Whether as his wife you have the right to access it - I don't know. I think really it's his phone and therefore I would probably say no, you don't have the right to do it really but you shouldn't be left thinking or doubting in the first place. Do you see what I mean. I never have any reason really to use my DPs phone as I have my own but I have never had any reason to believe anything untoward is happening.
Does he know you've seen the missed calls and messages?
I always think a sign that something untoward is happening is if the phone is always on silent ..... This would appear suspicious to me - esp couples with the missed messages and calls.
Sorry you're feeling like this OP - is everything otherwise ok with the relationship?

[Walkacrossthesand]

Good point re phone having a code for general security but both partners knowing each other's codes - hadn't thought of that! But I'm a long-term single mum & I lock my phone to protect it from nosey teenage daughters - and in retaliation for them locking theirs!
Maybe you can find the right time to tell him you noticed his phone was locked, and if he tries to use the 'general security' argument, ask him for the code as you're his DW . He may agree, of course, delay giving you the right code, delete the messages and get a second
'secret' phone - sounds like you have suspicions. Sadly there are several other threads where DHs lied their heads off and it was only their DWs ingenuity that eventually exposed them. Keep posting, there's a lot of shared experience on this thread.

[Spree]

If he has previously had an affair (you mention OW), then I think you have every right to be able to access his phone.

Especially if you are trying to re-build your marriage.

He should be bending over backwards to be completely open, honest and transparent with you.

[Cahoootz]

My DS's phone has to have a password for his insurance.

[MadAboutHotChoc]

Yes, he should be transparent.

Why not ask to borrow his phone out of the blue (cos your phone is lost and on silent) and see what his reaction is?

[Naysa]

I have a password on my phone as it it prone to making calls in my pocket, my OH knows the password but his thumbs are far too big to use blackberry buttons, he should really have a passcode on his due to the content of his phone but he doesn't, if he's driving then he gets me to answer his phone calls and respond to texts so I'm 100% comfortable with his phone,whereas in the past I've found out about cheating via my ex's mobile.

[PinkFairyTaleOfNewYork]

I agree 100% with aka

[Charbon]

Isn't this the husband who had a 2 year secret relationship with an ex and tried to convince you it wasn't an affair and to stop talking about it?

It sounds like you've been trying to convince yourself it wasn't, despite all the evidence and the advice you got to the contrary. I hope this has reinforced the suspicion that the affair is ongoing and never stopped.

Because that's the real problem - and your denial - not the fact that you've been looking at his phone.

[Nicksr]

Totally Agreed with charbon.....

[youliveyoulearn]

Thanks for everyones advice.
Yes carbon it's me. Really struggling to retionalise this situation. I did speak to him the following day. He says his phone has always had a password/code it's just the format thats changed. He wont tell me his password nor face book password even though I said I tell him mine.
Two weeks have past with just a couple of issues cropping up until just now!
I seem to have a major problem with facebook too (he contacted OW via this 2yrs ago so I think that is why I'm troubled by it). He's come in from work and within 10mins posting stuff and I know he trys to hide it cause I walked past him and he pretends not on it. I went downstairs and looked at his wall. Of course I was right. It was a photo of father xmas with comment of ...... Are you naughty or nice! And his name with nice wriiten by it. I am fuming. Of course a couple of comments by women. I went up to him and told him I'm angry and it upsets me he's flirting with women. He says I'm over reacting and said he'll come off it as it's causing too much friction. Should I insist? I don't feel I ha e the right to do that.