This will be long. Best grab a brew if you feel like reading
DP's father is, basically, a bit mental and very very difficult. He brought DP up alone which is admirable but the issues he has always had have created major problems. Can only think of giving you a bulletpoint list rather than a long-winded essay.
- FIL is a bitter, quite nasty man with a huge victim complex. The world is out to get him. Lots of failed ventures (never his fault). Has been sacked from many jobs and had 2 or 3 tribunals (which he's lost).
- He is estranged from all his 7 siblings. Sees and talks to no-one but DP.
- He expected DP to move back home after uni and fight all his imaginary battles with him. Instead DP met me and we've been together ever since (11 years).
- FIL hates me. In fact, he hates all women. He got thrown off his teaching course because he refused to be mentored by a young successful female teacher . He was insufferably rude to me the few time I went home with DP at the start of our relationship. I don't bother with him anymore.
- He sets DP imaginary deadlines and then spits the dummy when DP fails to meet them. For example, DP sent him a Father's Day card. It arrived the next day instead of on the day. DP wouldn't speak to him. It was an insult apparently.
- FIL hates my family and hates DP spending time with my family. I can only guess because I have a relatively normal, happy family who love DP and who think the world of DD and see her as much as they can.
- He has ruined holidays and birthdays by sending bitter, hateful emails to DP about what a bad son he is.
- When DD was born DP rang his father only to have his father put the phone down on him . DP then sent an email. All the reply did was insult DD's name .
Consequently DP gave up. DP was really heartbroken. About a year ago they got back in touch and DP has been taking DD back to visit him every few months. He didn't meet his only granddaughter till she was 2 and a half.
So now. It was DP's birthday on Saturday. His cards arrived on Friday. I put them on the hall shelf as we do with all post. FIL rings at 9am Saturday morning and asks if DP got his card. DP wanders to the hall and opens it. FIL goes mad that he hasn't already done this and is doing it on the phone .
Last night DP received another hateful, poisonous email accusing him of being a bad son. For the card and also because we're spending this Christmas with my family in Ireland (last one was 3 years ago when DD was 2 months old). He slagged me off a bit too for good measure.
What can I do to help DP? Quite honestly I think he'd be better off without this man in his life. I worry about his possible influence on DD. If I'm brutally honest, I have had thoughts in the past that DP's life would be easier if FIL just dropped dead some day. I know that's a horrible thing to think.
If anyone has made it to the end of this, thank you
Any advice would be desperately received.