SAHD, full time working mum

[WinterLover]

How have your relationships been??

DPs going to be a SAHD as he's useless at finding a job.

I just don't know how we're going to be. He thinks its great, apparently he and DS are going to play all day, I'm still doing the 'home' stuff

[sausagesandwich34]

it was awful because he sat on the sofa all day 'being there' with the DCs but that's all he did

and then he would have a go at me because I took him for granted

he's now the ex

[MoreBeta]

I am SAHD/WAHD shared with DW but she is going WOHM soon. It was always planned that way.

I know looking after DCs is hard. There is not a huge amount of time to do all the housework as well but if your DH is just planning to slob around house while you work and then you come home and do more house work then sorry but it isnt going to work. He needs to start treating SAHD like a proper job - which it is.

Fair enough, you share chores when you get home and weekends but he has to pull his weight.

[MoleyMick]

We did it with da1 until I got pregnant with dd, now he is full time and I freelance.
It was fine, he loved it, des loved it, I was happy to be out working. The house was always a total mess though, I had to just decide to pick my battles and not worry too much.
Now that dd is almost 1 I am looking for full time work again and she will go part time when (if ) I get a job. Mainly cos I have more earning potential, that's all. It's fine but depends on your relationship, of course. My dh is rubbish at tidying, but great with cooking, shopping, laundry, activities with dc etc, yours would obv have different strengths/weaknesses.
Is it something you are really unhappy about though?

[MoleyMick]

DS1, not da or de

[rainbowinthesky]

Great. Dinner on the table every day and a clean house. I miss it as DH did it just for a year. The issue here isn't the staying at home bit, it's the fact he isn't doing the housework and why are you still doing it? Why?

[WinterLover]

Thanks for the replies, I think my experience will be like sausage

He has a very short fuse, and when he loses it he throws stuff around. So I guess I'm scared what will happen when I'm not here to 'protect' DS

[NeedlesCuties]

OP, that is not a good situation to leave your LO in :( and you know it.

Is there no alternative for childcare, or for your hours?

Has your DH really thought through the practicalities of what your son needs, what you both need and what the home needs?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Short fuse, lazy, won't look for work, you do all the housework, throws things. You know what you should do, don't you?

[BertieBotts]

Right, well THAT changes things.

How do you feel about the relationship in general?

[MoleyMick]

Well that's totally different. If you feel you need to be there to protect your child from your husband...
Agree with looking at other childcare options but it really doesn't sound like you are happy with this man. Are you?

[recall]

[rainbowinthesky]

He throws things in temper??? You do not that is not normal and no way should he be trusted to look after a child day in day out. What are you thinking?

[UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea]

This isn't really a thread about SAHDs, is it? It's about the fact that your partner's got serious issues.

Do you want to tell us about them on this thread or start a new one?

[Bogeyface]

Would you employ a nanny or childminder who had a bad temper and threw things around?

Why not?

This is bad bad bad and you should not contemplate it.

[CailinDana]

No way should you leave your child with a dangerous bully. No way.

[rainbowinthesky]

WinterLover - had a quick look at some of your other threads about him. The reason he couldn't hold a job down was because of his bad temper. Do you really think he should be at home all day with a small child?

[NamingOfParts]

DH was SAHP for around 12 years. It worked for us and was great.

This is not the problem. Your DP's temper is the problem.

[WinterLover]

Your right I thought my upset what down to him being at home with DS all day, but you've all made me realise that's not the case.

Yup I know what I need to do, doesn't make it easier though. Will turn the job down today in the short term, in the longer term I really don't know where to start.

[WinterLover]

And thankyou for all your replies, it's much appreciated

[StillSquiffy]

Why not take the job and use the opportunity to start your new life, independently?

[SanctuaryMoon]

Agree, don't turn down the job, take it and get rid of him x

[NeedlesCuties]

You can't turn down every job, opportunity outside the home, every potential bit of "me time" just so you can be with your DP and DS to 'supervise' him.

That is not real living, and in the long run won't do anyone any good.

What is he like as a partner and dad? I haven't seen your other threads, so not sure what the craic has been in the past.

From this one thread my gut is telling me you should take the job, find alternative childcare for your DS and get rid of your DP.

Leaving any child with a short-fused adult isn't a great idea.

[WinterLover]

If I take the job and leave most of my wages would go on childcare, thus leaving no money to pay bills. I have no where to move out too, I can't afford this house on my own, spent most of this morning looking for houses, I found 2 both would mean moving an hour away from any support I have.

[WinterLover]

As a dad, mostly useless. He has a DD from a previous marriage which he acts like he would do anything for, but in reality if its not easy or requires him doing something he doesn't do it. Like ticking the box on a parents evening form and posting it back... Which he's now missed the deadline for. He's a brilliant dad when it suits him.

As a partner, it's been a tough year for us. Yet nothing's changed as again it requires effort from him.

The more I write the more I know what I need to do

[NeedlesCuties]

You sound, OP, like you've got your head screwed on, good and sensible.

No one can make the next step for you.

He might be a feckwit, but you need to do whats best for you and your son.