Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do you know for sure that you should leave?

(431 Posts)
Apty Sat 01-Sep-12 21:59:21

Relationships are full of good and bad. What do you do when you are confused about the balance and how bad it really is?

My instincts tell me to leave sometimes, and then at other times that seems like the worst thing to do.

Do you reach a point when you know?

SmallSherryforMedicinal Tue 27-Nov-12 21:43:10

Hang in there Tired. To thine own self be true.

Hi all

Good to hear updates from people. Well, exp and I are still living in the same house, but he gets the keys to a new rental property on 10th December and is hoping to be settled in there by Christmas. I am planning on staying on in our current house (rented as well) for a few more months so the dc don't experience too much upheaval at once. We haven't had the big chat with dc1 (dc2 is too young to know what is going on really), but we are going to wait until exp has keys to his new house so we can go around and show him the new house and try and make it an adventure. We hope to spend Christmas together the four of us.

That is all the straightforward stuff, but to be truthful it has been a really hard month. I don't know how people keep on co-habiting for years after splitting, my nerves are in tatters and I am just navigating through each day as it comes. I know it is very tough for DP as well. He still doesn't think I have given things enough of a try, and we still have circular rows. I am hoping we can both move on easier once we aren't under the same roof.

Middy86 Thu 31-Jan-13 01:49:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 31-Jan-13 09:24:01

Middy your post is heart-rending reading. Yes you are far too young to feel like this. I'm glad you are not married to this man.

I posted a lot on this thread a while back. Finally left dh in October after years of misery and agonising and guilt. He is fourteen years older. Don't fritter your life and youth away on an older man you don't even have a good relationship with.

Of course you feel like a one woman show because it's actually much lonelier being in an unhappy relationship than being alone.
Separating and being a single mum is not easy. But from a purely personal point of view I can tell you it is happier than being in a relationship that no longer works and suffering the agonies of should I stay or should I go, all the time.

Your Dp is not old at 40. He's actually in his prime and only negativity or guilt tripping you is making him say that. If he is, I'm even more over the hill aa 42yo woman!

Yes your course will make demands on you but you will cope. Fwiw I am a f/t student with dd aged 10 &12. I'm doing medicine at a London medical school and it's hideous at times and knackering all the time (commuter as well). But here I am, due to qualify as a doctor in 2014!

You sound very lonely and your course will give you focus, self esteem and friends. Don't give up.

All the best x

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Thu 31-Jan-13 09:29:05

Oh and I did 2 years of A levels before too. You are nearly there, time will fly by.

Oh and if your dp thinks he's a loser why does he think YOU deserve that?

Middy86 Fri 01-Feb-13 23:32:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now