Alcoholic Partners - How do you cope?

[MummyJules]

Okay apoligies in advance if this comes out a long post but I am in a position where I don't really have anyone to talk to about my relationship with DP and so this is the only place I can turn to.
Ever since I have known DP and for a few years before hand he has been an alcoholic, he also used drugs and was a gambler (before I met him though) Coming from a background where both parents, and two of my sisters are alcoholics I naturally although unconsiously thought that I belonged with DP and thought I could help him - Stupid I know!
DP and I have been together for nearly six years, He is 37 and I am 24 and we have one child and I feel like I am throwing my life away. He is having major difficulties with his drinking at the mo and I am finding it very hard to cope with as no one knows apart from me the extent of his problem. I keep on insisiting that he must get help but the pub seems to lure him away from going to an AA meeting. I have gone to al anon and will try to go to a few meetings soon but it is difficult getting a babysitter and obviously I can't rely on DP. Even apart from DP's drinking problems we have other things to contend with - I have a binge eating addiction and also shopping although not to the same extent as DP's - It is under control at the moment and I am on a waiting list to get counselling.
So I don;t know whether I am questioning whether I should stay with him or not or just how to cope with it - As you can read I am a bit lost at the moment and looking for other people who might be in a similiar postion to gain some support.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

[charliecat]

bump for mummyjules

[bensmum3]

MummyJules, I don't know that I can offer any support from experience, but would like to offer a friendly ear,my dh's personality changes after he's been drinking, does dp's drinking have a negative effect on your relationship or life, or is he still a nice person when he's drinking ?

[ggglimpopo]

Message withdrawn

[starshaker]

i was in a very abusive relationship a while back. when he was sober he was a really nice guy but a drink or 2 and i was used as a punchbag. took me a year to realise i wanted and could do better. i still have a fear of drunk men and dont really go out much because of it. i got a job in a pub and that helped a bit as i was in control and had people to back me up.

my dps mum is an alcoholic and has been warned 1 more eppisode and she will never see her grand daughter. luckily she hasnt since she was born.

anyway what im trying to say is just cos u lived with it all ur life now u have a choice and if i was u i would choose a guy that doesnt drink or can handle it when they do.

[mishmash]

Mummyjules - my sympathies are with you. My dad was an alcholic and my mum had bouts of dependency. It is a tough call - I tried Al-anon but didn't find it did me any good because there were too many there that I knew. Having said that my BF's dh is an alcoholic and he is now in recovery but it took her to walk out on him for 6 months and stand her ground before he stopped. She goes to Al-anon twice a week and has asked me to go with her - her dad was an alcoholic as is her brother. He doesn't go to AA but has been sober for 2 years now. I hope you find solace and peace. Alcholism is a dreadful disease which is not treated like cancer or anything else.

The main thing is that you keep it together and get help for yourself - easier said than done at times - but try and get that babysitter - let him know that you are going to Al-anon and it might kick his ass in gear.

Hope it works out.

[nikkie]

Starshaker my ex was like that, it tokk a while to convince anyone how bad it was too as everyone saw the nice side.
He used to go to AA meetings and comehome via the offy. He was taken to live with his parents when I was 8 months pregnant and we never really got back together and split properly 3 months later.He got a lot worse after this so I was glad he wasn't my responsibility.We are now four years on and 18 months after he went through rehab I have started to trust him to look after the kisd although the majority of the time he is with his parents.
It took me a long time to get over it as I didn't really ever make a decision snd like Starshaker I don't like being aroun alcohol and in pubs etc.