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Relationships

Can't think of a title for this

13 replies

astonished · 03/09/2005 00:35

Ok this is probably going to be really long... sorry!
Met my dp aged twenty, everyone I knew was in a relationship and i guess i just wanted the same. when we met he was heaxily addicted to crack cocaine, something which i managed to help him out of. After five months we moved in together a week after he first became abusive, throwing car keys in my face and giving me a black eye. Stupidly i took him back, after all he'd beaten drugs we could work this out surely. We went camping for a couple of weeks during which he beat me again, giving me a further black eye but some how I didn't recognise the seriousness of this situation. I then during our holiday and sporting a black eye realised i was pregnant, so this in my naivety would surely make things okay?? Well obviously not but by this point i was so scared of letting my parents down further i decided to stick with him, only for him to beat me again at six weeks gestation and for me to find out I'm expecting twins. i went through with it all and was baeten further during my pregnancy, why didn't I leave, I honestly do not know, I put on a charade for all but a few close friends who I subsequently lost and was more lone than i had ever been in my life. my twins were born and for a time things were okay fatherhood seemed to completely change him and for a time i was smug in my belief that i was right after all. Our third child was born (traumatically) and after i developed post traumatic stress things nce again deterioated to the point where i ended up in casualty with a split eye borw after he glassed me in anight club. Why I ever went back i shhall never know, i was so ashamed but it was around christmas time and i desperately wanted to keep up the charade for everyone else. After two years of on and off violence our fourth child was born and things once again settled for a time. Around xmas time last year things deterioated again and i posted here under a different name, i finally thought after seeking the support of my parents i would have the strength to leave, it didn't happen, they were as complacent as i was and felt we could work at it more.
Anyway after 9 months of mental and on and off physical (the odd kick or smack here or there) abuse i have finally made him leave and have been honest with everyone i know in the hope that this time it really is it. I hate him, he has bullied me into being a person i don't recognise and for the first time in six years I know i am strong enough to go it alone.
I am posting this because although i am ashamed at how I have let this go on, I am empowered by my new strength and determined that I can do this, you really don't need to comment but i really needed to share. thanks if you listened

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colditz · 03/09/2005 00:38

Thank you so much for telling us your brave story.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

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chucklechick · 03/09/2005 00:40

Well done astonished you are very brave person and I can't imagine what you have been through. Best of luck to you and your children for the future x x

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jamiesam · 03/09/2005 00:42

I have no idea how hard your decisions must have been. Good luck and well done.

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astonished · 03/09/2005 00:44

Thankyou, i am not brave am very scared but know that my children and i deserve so much more from life, the only person who can change this is me.

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sobernow · 03/09/2005 00:49

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myturn · 03/09/2005 00:51

Astonished - I can imagine how much strength it must have taken you to get to where you are now. You have my utmost admiration for having made the decision to leave. Do not be ashamed at having let it go on for so long. It takes everyone a different length of time to get to the stage where they know there is no other option. I am so glad that you have got there. Things can only get better for you now.

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kelli22 · 03/09/2005 05:06

i too was in an abusive relationship a few yrs ago and i know how much it takes to leave and how even after you leave it takes a very long time for those wounds to heal, not the physical bruises but the mental ones, but you are on the road to recovery now you have done the best for your children and you can now start over again, i wish you all the luck in the world, if you can get some counselling i would advise it, you may or may not think that you need it, i dont know but i do know that i needed it and at times i felt weak and it took a long time to build up my strength and confidence.

you've done the hardest bit keep going heres to you and your future happiness i hope you find someone who loves you and treats you with love and respect, you really do deserve it

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astonished · 03/09/2005 08:19

Thankyou people, am feeling very low this morning and a bit teary, but am taking my kids to the shops in abit and just hoping I can get thriugh today, haven't heard from him since he left, don't even know where he went but for the first time i don't think I actually care. Thanks once againand Kelli your advice makes alot of sense.

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SherlockLGJ · 03/09/2005 09:03

Well done, you and your lovely children are worth more than the shitty situation you have extracted yourself from.

Have you changed the locks ???

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munz · 03/09/2005 09:09

honney don't be ashamed, (((((hugs))))) give u're sself more credit hon, u're v brave and a v stong person within to make the break, hope things go from strenght to strenght for you. (((((hugs)))))

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teeavee · 03/09/2005 09:24

I'm very glad for you and for the children - you've done the right thing. You wil build up more and more confidence gradually as you move on and make more of your own decisions for you and the children.
lots of love

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magnolia1 · 03/09/2005 09:46

You ARE a very brave woman and you are a fantastic mother who is doing exactly as you should byt setting you and your children free from all that you have been through :-) xxx

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beetroot · 03/09/2005 10:01

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