Obsessing - need to stop. how? help!

[MascaraOHara]

My partners ex is playing on my mind, I would say that I'm verging on obsessing about her.

I have absolutely no reason for this and my logical mind tells me I'm being ridiculous. SO why can't I stop? She has never done anything wrong to me, I rarely even see her and only ever just about recognise her so why does she bother me so much??? why does even the sight of her car make me feel sick.. I really need to stop, I tell myself i'm being stupid (because I know full well I am). There is no reason at all for me to feel jealous of her.

Anyone got any tips for avoiding/changing thought/behavior patterns? I really don't understand why I feel this way, I am content in my relationship and am (for the most part) well balanced.

[flashingnose]

What's their history - why did they break up? How ex is ex?

[anchovies]

How long have you been with your partner? I was the same about dhs ex but it wore off in the end (took a long time thoough!)

[MascaraOHara]

In a roundabout way they broke us because of me I don't really want to dwell on the ins-and-outs of that time though.. it's not a period of time that I care to remember at all

[flashingnose]

OK, so DP preferred you to her...so why do you still see her as any kind of a threat?

[MascaraOHara]

Exactly, I shouldn't should I?!?! I know (as cocky as this sounds) that I'm the only person DP has ever truly loved. He even told me that he once upset her whilst he was drunk by inadvertantly telling her that there was only one person he had ever felt he wanted to marry and that was me. (we were together before).

I can honestly say that there is no good reaason for me to feel concerned about this.. In my head I know that people have other elationships in their past. FGS I had a baby in the time we were part! and he never shows any sign that that concerns him.

I don't know why she bothers me I just need to try and stop it!

[flashingnose]

It's irrational, in the same way a fear of spiders is irrational (unless you're Australian ). You are bound to be more than slightly curious about her, even now, because of the place she has in your DP's history. But you have to keep repeating to yourself that you are the one he is with and you are the only woman he has ever loved (ahhh). Hopefully, you will see her less and less as time goes on, plus you will become more and more secure in your relationship - the more distance you put between the bad period in your lives and the present, the less this will bother you IYSWIM.