when you hate a house that he wants to buy?

[mommie]

What do you do when you have severe reservations over a house yr dp wants to buy? I am "wrangled out" over this one.

[beansprout]

I would say don't buy it. Surely it has to be a joint decision? What don't you like/what does he like about it?

[WigWamBam]

I presume you've told him that you hate the house and don't want to live there? Because if not, then that would be a good place to start.

[LIZS]

Are you expected to live there too ? If so I think you have to say something, if not it is rather more awkward. What are your reservations ?Somehow men easily overlook some of the practical details !

[princesspeahead]

just refuse. everyone knows the girl gets to pick the house....!

[Tommy]

I would say tough titties because I am the one who will have to spend most of the time in it, clean it and decorate it - so I will decide on the house

[mommie]

ooh, i love the feel of 'women power' on this thread.
what's wrong with it:

1. it's in a high flood risk area, tho' mortgage company says it will insure it at no extra cost. (v.odd) Nearby river has never flooded but it's on a high risk environment agency map
   
2. it has lead pipes which all need removing, and that means digging up front garden etc.
   
3. big damp problem (we are getting quotes)
   
4. it has a half size bath that needs replacing
   
5. plumbing throughout is poor, water tank needs replacing, and it needs rewiring.
   It's cheaper than other houses in area, but I think we will have trouble re-selling and I want to retire to Spain (eventually)

[Blackduck]

Just say 'No'......(I'm assuming he needs your financial input as well...)

[mommie]

beansprout, sorry

in interest of balance he likes

1. it's a victorian property (visually attractive)
   
2. very good train links
   
3. affordable
   
4. a spare room for au pair
   
5. in nice-ish area
   
6. more space than we would otherwise get in a centrally-located house
   
7. he has paid for survey and solicitor (we both work, but i pay all the childcare)

[WigWamBam]

But have you told him that you hate it and do not want to live there? Doesn't matter how many positives there are from his point of view, surely the fact that you hate it has to count for something?

[Mud]

if you can afford to do the work then 2 - 5 are really not a problem so do you like the house if its onlyt he first pojnt that is left. althoguh to be honest id say just say no what can he do buy it without you?

[Blackduck]

it doesn't matter how you stack up the pluses IMHO if you don't like it, you don't like it. I personaly could not buy somewhere I didn't like no matter how long the list of pluses......(unless I wasn't going to live in it and it was purely an investment...)

[mommie]

i have told him i am v.uncomfortable with prospect of buying it and have serious reservations. he says i have first time buyers' nerves (we live in his flat).

[WigWamBam]

You need to tell him that you don't want to live there - if you don't spell out exactly how you feel, you can't expect him to read your mind.

[mommie]

he can't buy without me, no. i am putting up about a third of cost.

[Blackduck]

I'm with you WWB - my dp would have bought anything the first time we started looking - I used to walk in and walk straight back out!

[mommie]

i don't dislike the house so much as i fear that it is a v.bad investment, and - when pensions are so crap - i think you really need to rely on yr property to retire on. (ie, sell up and downsize when kids have flown etc)

[Blackduck]

well tell him you think it is a bad investment and you won't do it! (he'll get over it...!)

[mommie]

fair enough blackduck. i will tell it to him straight and tell him to 'get over it' . DO i offer to pay half for the 'wasted' survey? (£600) plus solicitor

[edam]

DON'T BUY IT!

I made that mistake. House is in right place and was right price but is really bloody irritating place to live. And can't be bothered to do all the work it requires because I don't like it anyway. Sulk. (Actually have been too damn busy but hey, will sulk anyway). Think must have been suffering from baby brain. Whenever I let dh make a big decision I regret it...

[Blackduck]

On the survey fees thing - can't comment - thats a personal finance issue - but I think £600 wasted now is better than thousenads wasted later - if you are not happy, you are not happy.....didn't mean to be so blunt BTW!!

[mommie]

my dd is only 10 months, so difficult to know her opinion but have also put a £500 deposit at nearby nursery for a place for her. these things get so tricky. but it's partly my fault for wanting to please dp and get out of his pokey flat. and we may stay in area, tho the flood thing is crazy. lots of people don't know about it yet cos the new flood maps only came out this year, but they have huge implications

[toomanyposts]

the flood maps aren't completely accurate though - our house is apparently in a 'high risk' flood area.......but we live near the top of a hill

[LIZS]

Agree with blackduck, some of your reservations wouldn't have been so serious without the survey, so in some ways it is money well spent. If you are putting up some of the money it should be towards a genuine joint venture not one where you compromise from the outset and potentially build up resentment.