Have you and your husband ever disagreed on something really big?

[spidermama]

I'm talking about big lifestyle choices .... like where to live, how to educate the kids, whether to have more kids .... this kind of thing.

There's no middle ground. It's a really important issue. One of us will win, one will lose. How do we decide?

[motherinferior]

Hmmm; we disagreed about whether I should have DD2 at home. I ignored him, and had her at home. To some extent we disagreed about whether to send DD1 to the local school or hang on for one a little further away. I hung on.

Am really a bit of a wimp in many things, I have to say.

[swamp]

Yes, at the monent me and dh are in disagreement about whether or not to have a second child. Not sure what will happen as yet. We also disagreed about me leaving work to become a SAHM but I eventually got my own way. Only downside to that is I feel I can't moan if I've had a crappy day at home with ds or about the abysmal state of our finances!

[spidermama]

It sounds like you got your way though MI. I really want to have my way because I'm convinced it's best for the kids. The problem is, he's convinced too that his idea is better.
We also disagreed over birthing plans for ds3. We fell out over it and it took about 2 years and 10 Relate sessions to heal.
I love him, but I love the kids more.
Hmmmmmmmm.

[spidermama]

My dh also disagreed about me becoming a SAHM but eventually came round. I find it tough because I feel I have less say over what the money goes on.

I want to be with this man when I'm old. I plan to travel the world with him. But it's so hard when you find yourselves with opposing views on a really important matter.

[Nbg]

ATM we are disagreeing on where to live. Dh really wants to move to New Zealand or Canada and I really don't want to.
I know full well I won't be happy moving that far away.

[spidermama]

Whichever way they go, these disagreements have the potential to crop up 'til death us do part. If I fold on this I'll be resentful. If he folds, he will.

[swamp]

it's scary isn't it? I ahte the fact that if we do go for a second child I will always know in my heart that dh wasn't 100% behind having it and everytime we have a sleepless night, a tantrum etc I will feel bad that he might blame me iyswim

[jac34]

Yes, Dh and I disagree about whether to have a 3rd child.
I'd love one, he wouldn't....so far I'm the looser and the age gap is getting ever bigger(DS twins 6yo) and I'm getting older(37).
I think it will be my one regret in life as it doesn't look like he'll ever change his mind.

[swamp]

I have to say I usually get my own way too. I manged to get rid our our lodgers so we had the house to ourselves, to get married eventually (although dh couldn't really see the point, said it was just a peice of paper), to have a baby, to be a SAHM. Women always win

[Tortington]

yes. my husband tried to put his foot down when i was preggers with first child. he said that the baby wouldnt be christened at all - and if so it wouldnt be catholic.

i told him we would have to get divorced.

iwon

[crazydazy]

After we'd had 2 kids - boy and girl. I wanted him to have the snip and he wanted me to be sterilised.

I won - I pointed out to him that as I housed both his children for 9 months and then gave birth twice it was his turn for some pain.

He had no argument

[Tortington]

crazy daisy we had that exact same argument and i cited the exact same reasons. i said i've had enough people messing with my bits its your turn. so he did

[spidermama]

Trefusis, you've hit the nail on the head. I want, very badly, to home ed the kids but dh is set against it.
(I didn't dare specify the subject of our disagreement at first on thread because I thought I'd be slated for being a loon again )

I really want to have the chance to prove it. I've asked him to give me a year, then we'll review.

[cutekids]

And there's me all p**ed off cos hubbie got his own way about having wooden flooring!!! all the blokes i know love it. all the women i know hate all the cleaning it takes to look after it!!!

[jayzmummy]

Having another child.....big discussions are held in this house over this subject...one for, one against.

[spidermama]

The socialisation aspect. He thinks they'll be forced into society's margins forever. He's not at all daunted by the education side. So there is something to go on.

The more I read and learn and meet people who are doing it, the more I want to take the plunge. Now.

School's back on the 6th of Sept. so I haven't long to work on this.

[spidermama]

cutekids, wooden floors are much easier to keep clean IME. Noisier though.

[jayzmummy]

Spider...the thing with HE is that your children have a better social life than when they are in mainstream school.
The can socilaise with who they want to and not be forced into an environment where they have to be friends with children they dont like!

I know that DS2's social skills improved so much when we HO because he felt comfortable with the people around him.When he was in mainstream he has zero self esteem because he was the butt of everyones jokes

[zippy539]

I had to force him to marry me. Force him to have first child then force him again to have second. Currently forcing him into moving house which atm is taking second place to my next plan which is to get him to have the snip. I wear him down through a combination of nagging and logic It's bloody exhausting though.

I'm assuming you've been through the whole debate re home schooling a few times - ie you've shown him research which supports your case, provided him with examples of how you might socialise the kid/s in other ways (I dunno, clubs, groups etc). Sometimes I think you need to be really proactive in these kind of cases - ie get your hands on everything you can come up (research, statistics) - have solutions ready for every counter-arguement he comes up with. Try not to become emotional but present cold, hard facts. And then cry...

If, in your heart, you feel home-ed is right for your children then you must go for it. Good luck!

[spidermama]

I can well believe they (and I) would have a better social life if we HE'd JM. DH doesn't though. He feels we'd only ever hang out with HE 'types' who are weird.
I totally agree that my children (paticularly my son) would feel more at home, able to express himself out of the school environment. He has only had one year at school and he has responded so badly to it.

Trefusis you're right. I need to make sure DH reads the EO stuff and other material. He's very nervous about the whole thing. He too thinks it stems from an anti-social element in my nature. I don't. I just feel the institution of school is stifling and that I can do better for my kids.

DH went to a crap school in Birmingham but did really well and love it. He feels he has worked hard to get his kids in a 'good' area with a 'good' school and doesn't want to lose what he has built up.

[spidermama]

Thanks Zippy. Hilarious post.
I had to force him to go out with me all those years ago, but over the years I think we're about even with who gets to 'win' the big decisions.
He thinks I'm way ahead but I don't.