Am I being oversensitive or is there a trust issue with teacher?

[Aranea]

I wasn't sure where to put this, so apologies if you've run across it twice!

dd1 is in reception and has gross motor problems. The SENCO has also referred her to the educational psychologist and the paediatrician because the Occupational Therapist has concerns about her social skills.

Following the OT's recommendation that the school should be doing two exercise sessions with dd per day, they have just put an IEP in place in which they do one session and then try and incorporate some of the activities into other parts of the day. The teacher keeps asking me about what we are doing at home, and quizzing me about whether I am using incentives to get dd1 to do exercises, whether I give up when she is reluctant, etc, which actually I find a bit insulting.

On Friday she did her first session with dd1 and at the end of the day came to me telling me that dd1 had loved doing the exercises and had said, 'I wish I could do exercises at home with mummy and daddy!' I explained to her that a large part of dd1's enthusiasm was to do with getting extra one-to-one attention in school, rather than actual enthusiasm for the exercises. And that she shouldn't take those comments at face value because I do do exercises at home with her and when I raise the idea dd1 may have said she wants to do them but then will say, 'not now... maybe later....'
Anyway, I was already feeling a bit defensive and as though the teacher didn't trust me by this stage. Today dd1 informed me that her conversation with the teacher had actually begun with the teacher asking her whether she did exercises at home, to which she apparently responded that she did not. This will have been largely because I try to disguise the fact that I am getting her to do the OT's exercises, pretending that whatever we're doing is just a lovely game I have devised.

I feel quite angry that the teacher has apparently been quizzing dd1 despite having been told by me and dh that we do stuff with her at home. Am I being unreasonable here? I don't feel that there is mutual trust and respect, and I am wondering whether I should actually say something.

[TotalChaos]

I'lld be a bit peeved too but I wouldn't say anything, other than possibly a light - oh DD responds well when we turn it into a game, maybe that would work with you, as teacher does sound to have best of intentions, it's good that she is so committed to doing what OT has recommended, IME not all teachers are as open-minded/responsive to what outside professionals suggest.

[BuzzingNoise]

Both you and the teacher are working in the best interests of the child. Explain to the teacher how you do the exercises at home and try to disguise them as something else - the teacher will understand. She's not trying to catch you out!

[Aranea]

Thank you, you're right. She is very nice and I should stop being so touchy. I think I'm premenstrual actually .

Also I am feeling very worn down and tearful about the whole business of having dd1 assessed and probably feeling a bit oversensitive as a result.

Thanks for the very helpful perspective on this. God, what would I do without MN? I probably would have gone blundering in, all cross, and said something which would have really offended and upset her in the morning. Phew.

(teacher, if you're reading, I'm sorry...)

[Ixia]

Hello Aranea, I think we both posted on the reception newbies thread earlier on last year. My DD is waiting for OT assessment for dyspraxia and is already seeing a SALT, for presumed verbal dyspraxia.

It's awful having your child assessed isn't it? Even though it's the best thing in the long run, it's just the feeling that I don't want my child to have extra hurdles to cross, when she is still only 4 and just starting out on her school journey Also the verbal problems came as no surprise, but the possible dyspraxia was a bolt from the blue.

Her teachers have been fab, although her form teacher has just left. But they did comment on DD not learning her word lists (I have issues with homework at that age) and that it's important as phonics aren't working because of her speech probs. I felt a bit defensive about that, especially as she already gets a lot of homework fom her SALT, but just smiled and nodded as I know they are doing their best for DD.

[Ixia]

Oh, also meant to say we have to wait 12mths for an OT assessment, so at least you are already getting that support, which is good.

[DinahRod]

Perhaps you could have an informal word with her teacher about how dd is getting along with the exercises - say that dd really bubbly and positive about what the school/teacher is doing but hard to garner how they're really going - and then drop in to convo that at home you always had to disguise they're being done to make them appear like fun.

[Aranea]

Hello Ixia, sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I think a 'smiling and nodding' tutorial would probably help me...

DinahRod - I do already have chats with the teacher who is very good at communicating what goes on in school. I think I probably need to just take a deep breath and move on and hope she settles into trusting me a bit as time goes by.

[isittooearlyforgin]

has the teacher in question got children of her own, because I know for a fact that i came across very differently when i was single then now i have kids. it much easier to understand parents when you are a parent yourself

[Aranea]

No, gin, she is a NQT and has no children. I think she is wonderful and committed but I definitely don't think she Understands in the way she would if she were a parent.

DyslexiaTeach - that must be very frustrating for you. But I think your situation is a bit different.... in this case the teacher isn't the one who sets the exercises. The OT has given the exercises to the school to do.

[isittooearlyforgin]

as a teacher, if a parent comes in and gives me feedback I am much more understanding. I have to say that its incredibly presumptious to assume rather than ask questions on the teachers behalf but that it is entirely believable that she is commited, caring and wants the best for your child.