Yr 4/5 girls does it get better, the pettiness is driving me and dd mad.

[lexcat]

The final straw was this morning as dd YR4 discarded most of her pants because of the pattern or colour. Turns out she's been teased for wearing certain colour pants.

Dd is so good about the bitching, she has a strong group of friends and teacher says she very easy going and pretty popular. It's just one thing after the other.

I know from other parents I'm not the only one I just what to know when do they start to grow up. Does the pettiness stop or at least get better.

[deaddei]

Er- no.
DD year 8 and there is so much pressure to wear the right thing, have right schoolbag etc.

[primarymum]

Year 6 girls have to be the meanest, bitchiest, most argumentative group you will ever meet! My year sixes are currently driving me mad with arguments and disagreements over the most trivial of things and every day seems to be a constant cry of"Miss, she said that I said xxxx and I didn't" in different permutations! Two girls who have been inseperable over the past three years have now fallen out and refusing to speak to each other, one more is taking sides, two have involved their younger siblings in their disputes and the rot is spreading! It's a good job they are all actually lovely children or I would be tearing my hair out

[ZZZenAgain]

eek, haven't picked up on this yet.

[Miggsie]

Where do these arbitrary "rules" about what one is supposed to wear come from?

This is why I am in favour of teaching philosophy in schools because it makes the kids think for themselves, not blindly follow someone's biased set of rules which really make no sense at all.

Irecently discussed Aristotle's views on friendship and what constitutes a "friend" and DD realised that if she agreed with Aristotle's definition of friendship (which she did) then her best "friend" actually was no friend at all, as she was mean, and set conditions on her friendship.

[deaddei]

Miggsie- what are his rules?
Sounds interesting.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

Dd in year 8 has a great set of mates really strong and happy group. But they do all have to wear similar stuff Ie Jack Wills, Hollister, similar hair cuts, watch the same protrammes. Friends are terribly important but Lordy, when they fall out it's spectacular!!

[Scrudd]

Miggsie - the arbitrary rules come from the queen bee, who decides that whatever she has, says, or does, is the 'right' thing. She then makes sure all the others either submit or are ridiculed. It's utterly horrible.

The petty nature of the bickering/bitching gets a bit better by year8, but then it becomes focussed on more important matters, such as which boy is cool to go out with.

I can't wait for it to stop. Then again, maybe my two dds will join in internet forum and it'll all start up again

[deaddei]

Oh God...Hollister (seventh circle of hell)

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

From hollister to Jack Wills sadly.

[lexcat]

It's not just the dress code rule it any thing all the time. Who you sit with, who you play with, your hobbies are you name it and it's always so petty.

DD plays with the boys a lot because she finds then easier as she says "I just don't understand the girls, boys are so much easier." You've guessed she teased for that too.

[lexcat]

Thanks pixie I like to think she very sensible is but I'm her mother and mums can't help thinking their dd are angels.

I have to say the queen bees are older and a lot of trouble is caused with dd friends trying on a off to fit in with the in crowd. DD on the other hands keeps her head down and tries to stay well clear of them.

Why are we not teaching these girls to be who they are and give them the confidence in themselves. Why do they need to hide behind the queen bee who self esteem and feeling of self worth is probably the worst in the class.

[RatherBeOnThePiste]

Pixie
We went through Abercrombie on our way to Hollister onto JW, doesn't everyone?

[bruffin]

DD yr7 has the same attitude as well vegasmum. She sees the "popular" crowd for what they are, insecure and trying to hard. She likes what she likes and doesn't care what naybody else thinks. She always had a nice group of friends and there has been very little bitchyness over the years.

[mummytime]

My eldest DD has had four increasingly awful years due to this. We are hoping for a break in senior school next year.
She was reasonably popular in infant school, but has had increasingly few "friends" in primary school. She doesn't want to just fit in with the crowd, anyhow has one Queen Bee who sees her as a threat and has done her best to isolate my daughter. Actually she is no longer an issue but all the other cliques now are horrid.
My daughter is not really into fashion, she is more mature than one group of girls, not into netball, is into horses (which no-one else at her school is), and is quite independent.
Her headteacher thought the bitchyness got a bit better in year 6, but I think that may just be the age when his own daughters decided to conform.
I'm slightly more hopeful for my younger DD who has not been "popular" and has a couple of close friends, who hopefully will stick with her during these years.

[Kneazle]

primarymum I am so releived to hear you say that as a teacher. My dds teacher seems to think it is my imagination. My dd came home and told me that she had been spat on for wearing the wrong type of cardigan. Apparently they all have to wear a Primark skinny cardigan to be accepted by order of the queen bee I finally lost my temper and went in to complain . Fat lot of good that did ! I am sure the teacher thought i was making it up, even though we had the evidence.

Does anyone have any solutions ?

I am blessed with several geeky awkward girls There is no hope for us.

[Miggsie]

Aristotle said two people are friends when:

1)each person has goodwill towards the other person
2) the good will is wished to the other person due to: usefulness (you do babysitting and car shares) or pleasure (go to pictures together) or moral goodness (truly selfless love/friendship)
3)each person knows the other has goodwill towards them

This ia taken from "Philosophy for kids" by David A White.

I would also recommend "Queen Bees and Wannabees" as a book to understand why girls power groups are so dreadful.

MY DD came up against a queen bee and we dealt with it, the teacher helped, and I also helped DD to have the courage to say "go away" and "you are mean and I don't want to be around you". She is only 6 but it did work.

My friend took his daughter out of a private school as the entire school hierarchy consisted of what colour your hair was. That was it. She still keeps trying to dye her hair even now and making a real dogs breakfast of it.

I really loathe the hierarchy of dress/appearance that girls have. I'm no big fan of the alpha male power groups either, but picking on someone about what they are wearing. It's SO petty.

One little madam told me her daddy drove a mercedes and I replied "so what?" which she was a bit surprised about. I hate that sneering and female bitchiness. I suppose that's why I'm in a male dominated profession.

[Kneazle]

I think i will take a trip to Amazon thanks Miggsie. I am in a male dominated profession as well, makes for an easier life. I wish i could send my dds to an all boys school

[bruffin]

Kneazle
The film Mean Girls(lindsay lohan) is based on Queen Bees and Wannabees. It may be a little old for your dd as I don't know her age, but it show all the insecurities of the "in crowd"