What do you think of this?

[hobbgoblin]

Shall try to cut the waffle...

Me and DC (10, 8, 6 and 8 months) stayed at DP's last night. Had roast dinner and slept over. DP lives next to his business.

DP goes to work next door at 6.30 am. Both myself and 2 of the DC are very ill with temperatures and sore throats, etc. so a fairly sleelpness night had by all.

I'm up next. Baby still asleep as she fed at about 6am and sleeps in usually til 8ish. DD (10) comes downstairs with me and has a hot chocolate. Boys both in bed still.

I go next door to see DP and grab breakfast bits for the children. School nursery teacher comes in to buy stuff. I say hello, very brief small talk, she leaves. I then go back next door to sort children with brekkie and get ready for school.

DS 2 on waking is not fit for school so I phone head at just after 8.15am to tell her. She says fine and then asks "who was lookign after the children this morning?" I said I was and then realised that the nursery teacher had seen me in the shop next adjoining DP's house for a couple of minutes and assumed the children were left abandoned somewhere.

I phoned back and asked the Head what exactly was the implication in her question. Was pretty cross about the interrogation at this point as the children were with me and silly school had for some reason come to the conclusion that I was out shopping before 8am alone, with my children at home alone up the road at my own house.

What do you think?

[hobbgoblin]

Do I need to put this in AIBU?

[AMumInScotland]

So the nursery teacher had mentioned meeting you to the head, even before you phoned in sick for them? I'd be pretty pissed off if people were talking about where I was at 8am when it's frankly none of their business.

I'd understand a bit more if the nursery teacher had mentioned it after you'd phoned them in sick, in a "that's unusual" sort of way. But where you or your DC spend the night isn't for them to worry about, unless there's been some problem in the past which I'd assume not!

[hobbgoblin]

yes nursery teacher had spoken to head prior to my call and the head said "mrs x may i ask who was lookign after the chidlren this morning" just like that.

unless i had previous form i REALLY think it is NONE of their business.

incidentally, the nursery teacher was trying to buy alcohol before 8am. ho ho

[gorionine]

Thank them for their concern while reminding them it is none of their buisness?

[AMumInScotland]

I would deffo make clear to them that I resented the implications of the question. It's none of their business who is looking after your children unless, as you say, you had previous form. After all, you could have had a friend or relative (or partner) staying in your house who was with the children in your absence, or you could all have slept elsewhere (as you did), or your DC could have been staying at a friend or relative without you. All sorts of explanations, none of which meant the children were being neglected, which I would definitely take as the implication.

You could perhaps point out that if you were to go round commenting on the fact that the nursery teacher was trying to buy booze at that time in the morning, she might feel offended at your implication, so should perhaps be more careful how she talks about other people's lives!

[seeker]

Trouble is, this is a lose /lose situation for the school. If you HAD left them alone for hours aqnd "something" had happened, everyone would be saying "And the nursery teacher saw her out and didn't do anything.."

[admission]

You do need to understand that the school and therefore the nursery teacher do have a duty of care for all children in their care. What that effectively means is that if they suspect that a child is being mistreated in any way then they have to report it. That reporting will in effect be to the headteacher of the primary school. You do need to understand that since BabyP and other such tragic cases, schools have tended to have a heightened response to any suggestions of poor parenting.

Clearly the nursery teacher and the school head have jumped to wrong conclusions over where the children were and whether they were being looked after. Do the school for instance know that you stay at your partners some nights with the children?

I would be tempted to write to the school head and say that you can understand the questions that were asked this morning but that the children were safe and well, as you and they were staying at your partner's house. Do not get angry with them as the natural inclination will be for the school to assume that you have something more to hide, just state the facts.

[hobbgoblin]

But on what basis is the concern founded? Is a parent under suspicion every time he or she is alone if judging by the benchmark set here?

[admission]

I would say that the concern is based on the mistaken belief that the kids were at home whilst you were shopping. What will have raised the suspicion will be the fact that you phoned up to say one was ill and not coming into school.

I do have to say that they were reacting very quickly to this, so i wonder whether they already had some concerns. If you do not know of any then maybe you need to actually arrange a meeting with the headteacher and ask them straight out whether they have any child-protection issues regarding your children. Maybe the letter I suggested could explain the situation and ask for a meeting at the same time. You need to know if there are any concerns, so that you can sort them out.

[choccyp1g]

But the true answer is that nobody was looking after your children when you popped nextdoor...
But you'll probably get away with it, if you explain that you all stayed over at their father's which is (I hope) literally next door to the shop.

[hobbgoblin]

Yes,
I was.

You know when you go into the kitchen from the living room? It's like that.

[choccyp1g]

But the teachers ccouldn't be expected to know that, I don't think you can blame them for wondering.
I retract my "get away with it" remark. I didn't mean it to sound as though you'd abandoned the DCs.
If you explain to the school, everyone will be happy.