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Primary education

Shyness and fighting in reception year

2 replies

jazzhanz · 07/03/2010 14:49

My son is in reception, and he is the smallest child in the school, even though he is a March birthday.

We have had a very odd term so far with him, and was wondering if anyone else has had these types of issues!

He is a boisterous, noisy child at home, but timid as a mouse in school. First term of school was ok, he was happy to play with his friends from playgroup. This term though the children were all moved into the 'big playground' after being segregated from the rest of the primary school beforehand.

First, he was sent to the headmasters office with his friend for playfighting (though he says he wasn't). Not sure either way - but surely a bit over the top for two 4 year olds??? He talks about it a lot.

Nxt, he has been worried about 2 older girls who have been following him around, trying t pick him up/love him/cuddle him. He is a big man at big school!! Well, that's what he thinks, but when I told the school, they did not deal with it or some time, and then they did it softly, softly - not telling the kids involved directly not to do it.

Now he has reverted back to holding onto teachers at break times. Now the school have asked me if everythings ok at home!!! Am cross with the school, but am I overreacting?
Help needed!!

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luciemule · 07/03/2010 21:09

I would tell his teacher you want them to tell the girls directly that although it's very kind of them to be so nice to DS, that thry shouln't pick him up, cuddle him etc. He's obviously still trying to find his feet. Does he do any clubs that could help with his confidence? My DS is a real terro at home but the same as your's at school - shy and quiet generally. He's fallen in with a yr 3 boy, who is teaching him naughty ways and was also pulling skipping ropes around him at break time . This has stopped now but not coz the school has done anything about it; we've just drummed it into him not to play with the boy.
Could you suggest that they have a play buddy system/friendship bench to make sure that all children have someone to play nicely with at break time?
If they have a how and tell, can your DS take something really cool in to show that the other boys in his group will love too? That worked for my DS - he took in a huge remote control tarantula and they all started chatting to him about it. Also, inviting a friend over for tea one day, might help too.

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namechangedtemporarily · 07/03/2010 21:18

Not over reacting - older children should be disuaded from picking up the smaller children - if it was bothering him and it was repeatedly occurring the children involved should have been asked specifically to not do it (maybe suggest they look after the little children in a non contact way).

The boisterousness i can relate to my DS 4.7 has also had some problems or rather the school have had some problem with him behaving like a little boy and now he is worried about what games he can play and says he hates school every single day (heartbreaking at his age).

I think for the school to assume his sudden introversion is a home problem is very presumptuous - someone must be aware of what's been happening at every stage and should know what the situation is!! I have found though during a recent incident where things that blown way out of proportion by the school that teachers (in my case the head teacher) tend to tell parents what they think they want to hear - my advice, as a parent and a person who works in school is, if it's really bothering you and you don't think it's a phase and you don't think the school is doing enough then make sure someone follows it up. Start with the teacher and/or teaching assistant and if you're not happy with their response go higher.

i know i felt like i didn't want to bother people but when it comes to ones children you shouldn't care about bothering people - i certainly don't!

If he's okay at home, maybe see how he is for a week or so, then if it's still a problem speak to someone.

Good luck

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