Year 1 School Report: is my DD a pain? Teachers decode please!

[PommePoire]

I am a state secondary school teacher although I have not taught in a school setting for six years. My daughter is in Year 1 at a state primary.

She enjoys school; she is happy at drop-off and pick-up time, she talks enthusiastically about the things they do in class, who she was playing with at playtime, what she ate for school lunch etc. She has a late August birthday and is almost the youngest in her year group. She rarely says anything negative about school.

Below is quoted the entire 'Social and Personal Skills' section of her first Year 1 school report, received today:

"X is a lovely girl with a passion for learning! She can be very independent although at times she demands a lot of attention from children and adults. She can still tend to get upset if she doesn't get her way. However, overall there have been fewer conflicts over friendships than earlier in the year."

DH is due home soon and will ask "what do they really mean?"

The Numeracy and Literacy sections are very positive and she has been set well chosen targets for each.

I think they mean she is an academically able little girl who needs to mature socially. However, although I'm glad to know 'there have been fewer conflicts over friendships than earlier in the year' it is in fact, news to me that there were any such conflicts! (Not mentioned at parent teacher evening last term, and my daughter has never said anything.) This phrase just seems a bit arbitrary, could it be statement bank generated? (I know statement banks are not automatically a bad thing as teachers can personalise the statements.)

I have helped out in class with reading fortnightly, since the beginning of the school year. I have noticed that at carpet time she sometimes does that maddening "Me! Pick me!" body language; straining upwards with her hand held high. A couple of times I've also seen/heard her call out without putting her hand up. Is this the kind of thing they mean? In which case, I can remind her how to behave at carpet time and expect her to grow out of it.

BTW I say 'they' because it's a job share; DD likes both her teachers and so do I.

It's parent teacher evening tomorrow, partly to discuss this report, what should DH and I be asking in order to support my DD AND her teachers?

Thank you for wading through this!

[heQet]

Oh dear. That certainly sounds like code

But I wouldn't say 'pain'.

I think most kids are like that when they're young, aren't they? - want to be picked, want the attention? I wouldn't overthink it, just go and ask them what they think would be most useful for you to work on with her at home, to support them.

[activate]

She was a PITA but is getting better

[equisetum]

pita imo

[Sparkletastic]

I think I'd read it as occasionally attention-seeking and stroppy but liked by the teachers and getting better at controlling herself. Almost exactly the report I had for DD1 by the way and nothing to worry about IMO - just a typical 5 or 6 year old girl

[seeker]

"She was 5 and now shes 6 - she's growing up"

[Openbook]

I like your daughter and her teachers already. I think you can ask her to clarify, without any worries that your dd has really got any problems.

[onebadbaby]

I am a reception class teacher and it does sound like the teacher is implying that your little girl is a bit of an attention seeker, and likes to get her own way. It does sound like the teacher is trying to tell you that she is a bit of a pain... I am surprised she didn't mention this before though, I don't really think it is fair to write statements like this in a report unless parents are already aware of it. Teachers have lots of chances to chat to parents informally, especially if you have been in helping as well.
I would have a little chat with the teacher if I was you, just to clarify what she means.

[PommePoire]

heQet you're right; I'm over thinking it

She's not 6 until the end of August, five days before she starts in Year 2!

The 'conflicts over friendship' comment is still bugging me a bit. As I said in my OP, it's news to me. It can't have been that bad because, as onebadbaby says, they could have easily said something to me if it were. This is why I'm suspicious that it's random statement banking. I know that five and six year olds are bound to have ups and downs; it's the fact it's gone on her report out of the blue.

Thank you everyone for your responses.

[PommePoire]

Meant also to say, that as the balance seems to be 'bit of a PITA - probably showing signs of improvement' that's definitely something we can work with!

[Openbook]

I would advise you not to overreact. In the scheme of things this is pretty mild. Save your worrying for real problems, they will happen. Just ask for the teachers to clarify.

[CarGirl]

I would say that it is something she will mature out of and now that you are aware of it you can help her with it too, ie when she has friends over etc.

[PommePoire]

Oh god, no, I'm not going to make a fuss about it - I've got Mumsnet for as my outlet for immediate overeaction!

She's a chatterbox and she's the youngest child in the class so I guess this is the kind of report I should expect.

[PommePoire]

overreaction even

[Madsometimes]

Sounds similar to my dc's reports. Dd2's report in Y1 said "LittleMad is always happy to contribute to class discussions. However, she needs to accept that she cannot always be picked to speak" - I think we can translate that dd2 throws a tantrum if she is not called when she raises her hand! Dd2 is now in Y2 and is much better about this now.

[Highlander]

it sounds like she a little way to go in her emotional maturity and acquiring social skills to learn how to behave in a group.

That's normal for her age - but you do need to work on it at home. Starting to make her take turns to talk with her siblings is a good start (ie don't let them all try to talk over each other when speaking to you). Don't ever let her butt into your conversations with others, make her say "excuse me" and then make her wait until you're finished.

DS1 is in reception (but is autumn born) and we've had v similiar issues that are thankfully starting to disappear. hard work though

[BariatricObama]

is it really useful to put this sort of stuff in a report? esp if it hasn't been discussed with the parent?

[PommePoire]

It's all to do with timing, I think it HAS been useful to read about this in her report, as now, I feel prepared for tonight's parent teacher evening. However, if this were an end of year report I would be wondering why it hadn't been discussed with me before.

DH and I both expect our DCs not to interrupt and have taught them to wait for a pause, say excuse me, then wait to be told to go ahead and speak.

I had a chat with DD last night, before bedtime, and asked her some open ended questions along the lines of "what sort of thing does Mrs X like to see from everyone at carpet time/ in pair-work/ in group-work?" She reeled off all the rules and expectations. So, I asked "what happens if girls and boys don't do those things?" and she told me that you don't get stickers for good behaviour, or you don't get picked to answer the question and sometimes such and such has been asked to sit or work separately until they can co-operate. She says this has never happened to her. So, she understands what's required and the consequences. She values the stickers and I know she'd be upset to be made to sit separately. I'm inferring that she wasn't always managing to behave as expected but now, she's learning to do so.

[BariatricObama]

thats good then. as long as you are not weeping about it. she sounds v. sweet btw

[frogs]

It sounds fine to me.

My dd2's last report included lines like: "dd2 is always keen to share her experiences and opinions with the class" (= never shuts up); "she participates enthusiastically in class (= never shuts up); and "she can be very enthusiastic in encouraging other children to join in with her plans" (= bossy little moo who never shuts up).

As long as the teacher is channelling it properly, it shouldn't be a problem. It's better than having a room ful of timid, silent children who won't say boo to a goose.

[PommePoire]

No, not weeping! Thank you

frogs I love your 'translations' of teacher speak! You come across as cheerily aware of the possible shortcomings of your DD2's talents as a leader!

Let's see what DDs teachers say this evening.

[frogs]

My dd2 (also Y1) came out of school a few weeks ago with a face like thunder. Turns out Miss C had told her off so much that she and another boy had been sent to sit in a different class.

She admitted they'd been 'messing about'. She was mortified and very cross about it.

At the parent teacher meeting the teacher said that's dd2 had made a real effort to be sensible and 'do good listening' since then, and she was really pleased with how hard she'd tried.

You can't say fairer than that, I reckon -- they're only 5 or 6, they're still learning how to behave, how to negotiate friendships and peer groups, how to persevere with things you don't like or find difficult, and how to cope with authority. Any competent teacher will expect and be able to cope with a huge variation in children's responses to these situations.

It's fair enough for you to have discussions with dd about what the teacher wants from her, and how she might behave to achieve that. I talk through it with dd2 quite a bit, esp about not interrupting, and not arguing, and LISTENING. [aaaargh] But really, unless the school are calling you in to tell you that your child's behaviour is a problem above and beyond what they'd expect of a Y1 child, you really don't need to overthink it.

To me (and I'm now on child no. 3, so been round the block a few times) your dd's report translates as 'keen, bright child who occasionally needs to have her enthusiasm curbed and learn that she can't always be the centre of attention or have her own way. Occasionally gets involved in the standard Y1 girls' princessy friend-or-foe fallouts, but this is getting better [phew]'.

Really, don't worry. The key phrase here is 'lovely girl with a passion for learning'. That means the teacher likes her, they wouldn't have put that if they thought she was an anti-social PITA.

[PommePoire]

Well the parent teacher meeting confirmed what you've all been reassuring me, thank you! DD is an enthusiastic 5 year old in a class with lots of 6 year olds. Her social and interpersonal skills are quotes "coming along in leaps and bounds." Her teachers were smiley and professed themselves pleased. The friendship conflicts thing turns out to be the low level typical Year 1 girls to-ing and fro-ing.

frogs - encouraging to know that your little girl learned from her telling off and is making good progress. I think being the parent of an 'exuberant' child is (mostly) more rewarding than frustrating, but I'm right there with you on the "LISTEN!"-ing