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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Moving schools after half term but son doesn't yet know. Any tips?

20 replies

figleaf · 18/02/2010 16:13

We are moving him from state primary to RC state primary. 2 reasons are 1. Persistent bullying by pair of twins that flares up from titme to time although things OK just now and 2. The new school is feeder for brill secondary that his brother attends. We left the RC system when we moved to Scotland from England. Finding a school we liked was hard, especially as we were doing it inside flying trips to area. DS has been in this school for 3 yrs now (currently P4 which = Y3 in England). We thought we should bight the bullet and move him after a particularly mean run of bullying in the run up to Christmas. New head teacher advised not to tell DS before half term as he'd worry all the way through. Instead we are telling him tomorrow (Friday) ready for visits on Tuesday,Wednesday and start on Thursday.

Anyone had experience of this sort of thing or will it just be tearful and terrible and somthing that can't be lessened by anything we say or do?

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Coca · 18/02/2010 16:21

Will he get to say goodbye to people?

Earlybird · 18/02/2010 16:22

How do you think he will react to the news?

how old is your ds?

Does he know anyone at the new school other than his brother?

Is he familiar with the grounds/buildings of the new school?

What about the new school might he be excited about?

Will he be sorry he couldn't say goodbye to his friends/teachers at the old school?

Will he be able to keep in touch with any of his friends at the old school?

hocuspontas · 18/02/2010 16:23

At that age I would have included him in the process anyway. Although obviously too late for late now! Ooops! Not much help, sorry. Hope it goes ok.

figleaf · 18/02/2010 16:25

He will still be a student at old school till Wednesday. Apart from the visits to the new school we have cleared it with old head for him to go into school or stay off - his choice. He only really has one friend, he has been here this half term. We hope to sell it to DS that this friendship can be continued.

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figleaf · 18/02/2010 16:30

We didn't include him in the moving process because we didn't want him to clam up about the bullying ans weren't sure we'd get a place. He definately wants to go to the secondary (that his brother attends) but won't know anyone else there unless we move schools to this feeder.

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Coca · 18/02/2010 16:30

I would tell him as soon as possible, but that's going by how I think my yr3 dd would feel, you obviously know your son.

figleaf · 18/02/2010 16:33

DH taking day off tomorrow so we can talk throu things with DS together.

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Earlybird · 18/02/2010 16:37

Will the school do anything to help your ds settle in?

I'd do the following:

take ds to the new school as soon as possible to show him around. Would be awful (I think) to go someplace completely new (as the 'new' boy) without having been there before.

get the school to give you names/numbers of several children they think might be a good 'match' (shared interests, similar temperament, etc) for your ds, and then arrange some activity with those children (individually) over the half term. That way, there will be a few familiar faces when he goes in on the first day, and someone he can gravitate toward.

Do children often begin at the school mid year? Any chance there is another child starting at the same time that your ds could meet?

And be sure to arrive at school early on the first day, so you/ds are not rushed/stressed.

figleaf · 18/02/2010 16:45

New school have arranged a P4 buddy ie in his class and a P6 mentor to go to in playground if feeling unhappy. I have a class photo with names of children on (careful note by head teacher of especially nice children). We have a tour booked on Tuesday (DS with DH and I) then on Wed he will go in for an hour in the afterneeon. As he like Science the teacher has arranged to be doing an interesting topic at that time. He will meet his buddy and mentor on Tuesday but before then no one. I don't know how common it is to start mid year, This is a small school so I think it unlikely someone else is starting. The head is going to get his new class to e-mail him during their IT lesson on Monday. I think they are making it as easy as they can for DS, we just have to explain the move.

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hocuspontas · 18/02/2010 16:55

The arrangements sound fantastic! I would get his initial reaction first though before you tell him all the things that are planned - incase he gets overwhelmed with details.

scarletlilybug · 18/02/2010 17:06

When we were considering changing dd1's school a while ago, we didn't mention anything to her before the taster day because we didn't want her to worry about it beforehand. I told her only on the morning of the taster day that we had arranged it for her - and also explained why we hadn't said anything beforehand. She was absolutely fine with that.

It perhaps differs from your situation slightly in that, had she not enjoyed the taster day, she wouldm't have had to go to the school. But she did and my only regret is leaving her for so long in a school where she was unhappy in the hope that things would eventually improve.

I'm sure that your son will be fine at his new school. It sounds like they're making evry effort to help him settle in well. Good luck!

probono · 18/02/2010 17:14

Don't show any doubt or worry yourself about how it's going to be. That's the only advice I can give. If you're confident it will be good for him he will absorb that. Don't be anxious when you talk to him. I would even go with brisk if you can manage...

deaddei · 18/02/2010 18:04

WE didn't get into first choice junior school till 2 weeks into year 4 (ds was 8).
We'd actually forgotten all about it, till a call came on the Weds- we had a place from the Monday.
Took him to the new school to have a look round, and he seemed ok.
First few days he was good- he knew a couple of boys and the school were excellent at settling him in. But then after 4 days he announced he wanted to go back to his old school. WE had tears, had to drag him into school for the following week- and had to be quite brutal, telling him that THIS was his school, there was no space at his other one now.
By week 3 he was absolutely fine- now is year 6, house captain, very popular and still sees all his old friends every week. They will all be off to secondary school in Sept together.
So Op- it is hard- you may feel like a bad mother if he gets upset, but hang in there. You're making the right decision.

figleaf · 18/02/2010 18:11

Those last 4 posts have really lifted me - thanks all. Especially good to hear the happy ending to scarletlilybug and deaddei's post.

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probono · 19/02/2010 05:16

Good luck. Smile a lot when you talk to him about it!

Skegness · 19/02/2010 06:58

Good luck. We moved our boys in Y4 due to a house move. They were sad to leave their old school but settled really well. I think the key was acknowledging that it was fine to feel sad because it IS sad leaving friends, nice teachers, familiarity, while also being clear that there were positives in moving on and that it was not optional.

I think not including him in the process of a school move was very odd advice from the head teacher but the subsequent settling in arrangements sound absolutely wonderful. Best of luck telling him. If he is being badly bullied isn't there every chance he'll be delighted?

figleaf · 19/02/2010 10:03

Just to report we had the chat with DS this morning and although there were a few tears it generally went well. We are giving him a little time to process the info now (he is building x wing fighter bribe we had carefully bought in )before we bring the subject up again. He has had a quick look at the class photo and the uniform and seemed interested. His dad and I were very positive and stressed how he could continue seeing friends from the old school. All in all we are quite pleased. He doesn't yet know if he wants to go back to old school on Monday to say goodbye but as I said earlier, we'll leave that completely to him.

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NikkiH · 19/02/2010 11:44

Glad your chat with DS went well. We've had a couple of newstarters in DS2's Year 3 class - one in Sept, the other after Christmas - and both have settled in really well. At that age the children always seem really keen to make newcomers feel welcome and to look after them so hopefully it'll be the same for your DS. The arrangements your new school have made to help him sound really great. Let us know how he gets on.

figleaf · 19/02/2010 16:13

Will do

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figleaf · 24/02/2010 13:52

Tour went quite well yesterday and I have dropped him off for a science lesson this afternoon - first time in without me.His new class are hatching fish and planning to return them to the local river so he was looking forward to this although a little reluctant to put on the uniform. We have both thought of a few questions since his tour yesterday so I hope to get these answered by the head when I collect him at 2.15. I have a feeling that things are going to be OK

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