problems with ds friendship at primary school

[neenienana]

Hi my son started reception in sept and seemed to make friends very quickly particularly with one particular boy. We arranged some playdates and things went so well that i now look after this friend after school one day a week. For the last six weeks My DS has come home on several occasions saying that this friend has been nasty to him at school and is making him sad. When they are at home they seem to get on fine although I have noticed a bit of tension at times and my son really seems to look up to this boy. Now ds ia saying he does'nt want the other boy to come round at all as he hates him! I understand they are very fickle at this age but I do'nt want to encourage a friendship which is making him sad. Am I overreacting? should I say something to the boy's mum?

[mrspoppins]

It is all perfectly normal and I would say nothing. Encourage your little boy to have LOTS of friends rather than special ones that way there are always people to play with especially when the special one is off sick or being a grump for the day!

Role play with him at home to help him cope in situations. You be the friend who he is perceiving as being mean...because he may not be being mean!...and go somehting like this;

I don't want to play with you...I hate you

Oh no! Ok then but when you want to be friends again, I'm over there...(big smile and run off!!!)

Am I your best friend?

I don't have a best friend...you are ALL my best friends!!!

You're not coming to my party!
Ok..never mind. I expect Mummy will be taking me out that day anyway!

That sort of thing! Encourage him to not worry...show you don'y worry about it and he'll be more comfortable. Invite different children over for play dates and have fun! YOu are lucky he is a little boy! Girls are often so much meaner!!!!!!!!

[sunnydelight]

Lots of great advice from mrspoppins - I've got to say this is why I would never arrange a regular playdate that people then rely on for childcare. Kids fall out, re-group, re-connect all the time, it's part of learning about friendship when you start school. Lots of different friends is always healthier than exclusive friendships at this stage.

Kids can often get a bit bored with a friendship too, especially if they feel there's not any choice in the matter. If you're brave maybe you could just say to the other mum that they boys seem to have got a bit fed up with each other lately, you're sure it's a phase that will pass, but in the meantime maybe it's best not to do the regular playdate. If you're not so brave maybe your son can find a regular weekly activity that just happens to fall on that day and no other day is really convenient to settle on every week....

[neenienana]

thanks so much for your advice, I found it really reassuring. We have had the friend round this half term and they got on really well!! I have arranged some other playdates for next term with different kids. I think the role play idea is a brilliant idea and Sunny delight, I feel I have learnt a small lesson there!