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What would YOU do?

16 replies

CheerfulYank · 28/01/2010 18:17

I've posted about this in part before, but here it is again, as I'm still in a quandry.

DS is 2 and a half. We live in a rural area and the preschool and elementary schools are quite good. (He'll go to preschool two days a week starting next fall, and then the next year when he's 4 he'll go three days a week. He'll attend elementary school ages 5-11 or so.)

The middle/high school, however (ages 11-18) is not that great. There is one geography class which the students take for half a year when they're 13 or so. The history and math programs are terrible. The only language they have to choose from is Spanish, and I don't think it's required.

I don't want DS to attend the high school. However, I don't want him to start at the elementary school, make lots of friends for 7 years, and then be sent to an entirely new school. I feel like when he's 5 and starts kindergarten, I'd like him to be at the school he's going to be at for the entire time.

There is a school I'd love to have DS go to. It's about two and half hours away, obviously we'd have to move. I really, really like our community, though, and we're only ten minutes away from the "family farm" where DH's parents live, as well as my BIL, SIL and their children. (My parents are already a 5 hour drive away, so that's not an issue.)

DS is (and I know I sound horribly biased ) a clever little guy, and I know that he'll do well at the high school even though it's not good, and we could fill in the gaps of his education with books, extra lessons, etc. However, I'd really like for him to get a great education at school so his home life can be, well, home and not school.

Sorry this is so long, but WWYD?

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sprat1 · 28/01/2010 18:36

I would be inclined to stay put, Family and community are important, so few children have that advantage . A lot can change in the 8 years or so you have before middle/high school. Schools change what can be a fantastic school can drop and vice versa. See what you as a community can do to improve your high school. If things arent on the up in 5 or 6 years time start to think again.

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Tamarto · 28/01/2010 18:42

Agree with sprat, so much can change in that time scale so much so that just because a school is good now doesn't mean it will be good in even a couple of years time.

Best you can do is go with what is best for your son now and look into other options nearer the time if you need to.

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CheerfulYank · 29/01/2010 02:34

I've thought that too...maybe I should stay and try to help change things at our local school.

It's just hard to know exactly what to do.

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evensunnierdelight · 29/01/2010 08:49

I'm sorry but he's 2 1/2. I'm sure he is totally adorable and of course you think he's "a clever little guy" but you have no idea of how he will do in primary school in a couple of years, let alone how he will deal with high school in ten years time. My "clever little guy" could have a full on rational conversation with an adult at 2 1/2, sailed through nursery and pre-school charming everyone in sight, and when he went to school aged 4 we thought he would do really well. He turned out to be profoundly dyslexic and has struggled all his school life. He is now 16 and is still highly articulate and charming, but many tears have been shed along the way.

Make the decisions about your family on what you actually know rather than what you hope for.

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CheerfulYank · 29/01/2010 16:04

Oh, believe me sunnier, I know. I was thought to be a very clever little girl, and I did extremely well until I was about ten, when severe laziness set in. I simply didn't care, the end result being that I spent my entire school career reading books (not the ones I was supposed to) and avoiding work. I barely graduated. Your son sounds lovely-I'm sorry he's had a rough time.

Our local high school is much like the one I went to-decent in some subjects, poor in others. The teachers have been there forever and almost all of them will still be there when DS is in school, so I can't see the school changing overmuch. The lack of history and geography bothers me, though I suppose I'm kind of defensive about that. I've been asked more than once, "You're American? Is it true you can't find Iran on a map?" Um...of course I can! And there are so many great lessons to be learned from history, and so many interesting time periods and cultures that I learned absolutely nothing about until I stared investigating as an adult.

Oh well, we'll see what happens. Thanks for the input!

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lydiane · 29/01/2010 19:36

hey
I have the same dilema. ds is 7. our local comp school is awful (in special measures).

It is so difficult isnt it. we really cant afford to move and if we did we would have to sell up and rent to get a better catchment. but that would mean giving up our home so that ds can go to a better school!

I think that you can help my suppplimenting your childs learning at home. what bothers me is more the standard of discipline and behaviour - which is really lacking in my local school.
we have a little while to decide. you have quite a long time - alot can happen.
Do you know what the results are like?

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threetimemummy · 29/01/2010 20:00

I can see what you are saying...but MANY MANY MANY kids move schools in their time, and some even go to three or four different ones!! Whilst I am all for log term planning, as a PP said, a lot could change in 8 years!!

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CheerfulYank · 30/01/2010 02:14

For sure. I'm not worried about the discipline lydiane. It's a small rural school, the sort where the teachers are probably related to you in some way and have no qualms about disciplining you and talking to your parents. And we live in the sort of community where you still get in trouble at home when you get in trouble at school. It does boil down to that, doesn't it- do I want to move so that my son can have a top notch education rather than an adequate one?

I know that it's not the most important thing in life; I'd much rather he were kind and honest and happy than a supergenius of course!

I don't mean to be precious, hope it's not coming off that way!

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mathanxiety · 30/01/2010 04:33

I don't know, CheerfulYank -- the advantages of a really good US high school are huge, and paying for remedial courses in college can cost so much more than doing AP subjects for free in a good HS. Generally, as far as I have observed, high schools give what a community asks of them, so maybe if you work very hard to try to improve things, your local hs might change for the better, but thee are so many factors involved, like funding, attracting teachers and maybe a go-getter principal to a rural area, raising the expectations of the community...

If you think this would be feasible, then maybe stay put, or resign yourself to exposing your DS to a lot of educational opportunities yourself. It might be more meaningful to him to learn about history of geography from you than in a deadly dull classroom -- there are teachers who are capable of killing even the most exciting subjects (history and geography among them) even in a good school. You might go to a lot of trouble to move, then find the other school had drawbacks you never suspected that would render it not so attractive or not such a good fit for your DS.

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overmydeadbody · 30/01/2010 04:58

I think, as your DS is only 2.5, you should stay put for now and get all the benefits of the good elementary schol, the great community, and being close to family.

Reasses the high school situation a few years before he is due to stary, say when he is 9 or so, and if you are still unhappy with it (a lot can change in schools in that amount of time) then move to the area with the better school, but stay put for now.

He will survive moving away from his elementary school friends, if that is what you decide to do, but he could just as equally do really well in the local high school. For all you know he will hate geography anyway and have no interest in learning another language!

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overmydeadbody · 30/01/2010 05:01

and I agree with math, give him plenty of opportunity to learn at home, as I'm sure you do, children's home environment, their parents' attitudes to learning and studying, and out of school experieinces they have all play a huge role on children's academic achievement, far greater than school.

I tihnk you are worrying too soon anyway, judt relax and enjoy where your DS is at right now in life, rather than worrying about the future!

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mimsum · 30/01/2010 09:46

I really wouldn't worry about him changing schools at 11 - and imo there are serious disadvantages to staying at one school all the way through your educational career.

ds1 has gone to a secondary school where he knew no=one when he started and he's been really invigorated by the change and the chance to meet a whole new bunch of kids

He is only 2 and a half, and you really don't know how he's going to develop or how your local school's going to develop in the next few years. So if I were you, I'd stay put for now, enjoy the advantages of being near relatives and your close-knit community and reassess when he's 9 or so

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seeker · 30/01/2010 14:58

Stay put. Home and community and family and the farm are SOOOOO much mre important than the school. And you can't be sure that the school you like so much will be right for your child when he's older, so moving away from all the other stuff just in case it's right for him (may I gently remind you it's him going there not you!) would IMHO be a big mistake.

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CantSupinate · 30/01/2010 16:16

I've only read OP.
We thought when we moved here that we would stay until DC1 reached High School age, and then move to somewhere with much better High Schools, because the local HS looks so mediocre.

Fast forward almost 6 years... we've no intention of moving . I feel like the advantages of living here for the entire family far outweigh my worries about the High School options. Also, I've been here long enough to hear quite a few good things about local HS now -- rural High Schools can change a lot in 5-10 years.

So in OP's situation I'd probably plan to move when child was older, but then end up not moving at all. .

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CheerfulYank · 31/01/2010 22:59

Thanks for the input everyone! It's nice to hear from you math! You're living in the US, right? It's so hard b/c each state has it's own standards, so 11 year olds in Wyoming could be learning what 8 year olds are covering in Massachusetts. My husband taught freshman composition at a college one year, and a good portion of his students couldn't write a decent sentence. They weren't "stupid", they'd just never been taught how.

I suppose I just shouldn't worry about it now. We love where we live for now, so that's good enough. It's so funny, I'm usually pretty laid back about most things pertaining to DS, but when it comes to his education I go into crazy alpha-mom mode. I probably just need to take a breath and concentrate on today.

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mathanxiety · 01/02/2010 00:28

Just had a good deal of experience of the system, with oldest DC in college (have a large and spread out, age-wise, family). I'm a bit of a globetrotter, Irish by nature. Some aspects of the education game are the same the world over. And I know what you mean about turning into an alpha mum , even though I'm a bit of a lefty generally (liberty, equality, fraternity Yay!)

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