Need advice on how to tackle dd2's school anxiety problems

[Polgara2]

DD2 is currently very unhappy at school. She is in Year 5 and they have a new teacher (as in, new to the school as well as her). He is, unfortunately, the problem. She is quite intimidated by him and is worried about being told off all the time . Not that she is being misbehaving at all I hasten to add. Her anxiety is making her ill really, she never wants to go in, feels sick, tummy aches etc in the morning. She isn't sleeping very well, her eczema (sp?) has flared up and she has developed asthma problems which she hasn't had since she was a tiny baby.

So I know I need to do something but am not sure what to say to him for the best. He is not particularly approachable I must say and he does seem to be quite cross and stern sounding. Some of the things I have heard (from dd and other children/parents) have made me pull a face I have to admit. I did tell him that she was initimidated by him in the first few months but he just said well she will just have to get used to me sort of thing.

I know you can't like all your teachers, and I know she probably does need to be less sensitive but I feel she needs help getting there. So how do I best approach him and get him on side oh wise ones?

[smee]

Poor girl. He sounds a bit useless. I'd go back and see him as it's making her ill. Ask him if he can have a meeting with both of you. You could do it in a positive way, by saying you can appreciate he has his hands full, but for some reason she finds him scary. Tell him about the health problems and say you think it would really, really help her if she knew he thought she was well behaved and he likes having her in class (assuming he does that is!). He could make it clear to her that he'll only ever be stern with her if her behaviour changes, so she shouldn't worry as she's doing brilliantly. If he won't do that then go straight to the Head.

[Polgara2]

Thanks Smee . It really would help I think if she felt he thinks well of her (and I have no reason to believe he shouldn't iyswim!). I guess I am just anxious to get it right and help dd2. Sigh, why is it so hard to go into school to talk to teacher about problems!

[smee]

I'd guess because he really is scary .

[Polgara2]

Hah you are not wrong there . Wish me luck then I will try and catch him tomorrow - gulp!

[Polgara2]

Any other pearls of wisdom before I take the plunge?

[smee]

smile a lot, that'll scare him

[starstudent]

I think it will be best to arrange a meeting just between the two of you again, as a formal meeting may cause your DD2 further anxiety and that you certainly don't want!

I agree with Smee; you need to tell him about the health problems. The aim of your meeting is really to find out what he is going to do for your DD2, so ask him if there are any ways or strategies he can use to reduce her feelings of anxiety within the classroom.

Good luck and please let us know what happens.

[Polgara2]

Yes ss I am going to try and speak to him without dd2. She worries that if I speak to him he will be cross with her . She was feeling sick most of the day at school today apparently. She has gone to bed very anxious looking again - I expect she will be up in the early hours.

I guess I feel unsure of how he is going to react or what he is prepared to do to help her (especially if he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong in the first place). Mind you I am not entirely sure what I am expecting him to do, just that he has to do something.

Thanks again

[claig]

does your daughter feel that he does not like her?
Don't worry about how he will react, if he has any sort of decency he will understand.
Tell him that she feels intimidated and thinks he doesn't like her for some reason (if this is the case). If he is a decent person he will reassure you that that is not the case, and he will go out of his way to make her feel at ease and show her that he likes her. Don't be nervous about it all, you are doing the right thing. Good luck

[Polgara2]

Well fingers crossed. I went in and had a surprisingly positive response from him. He said he will do all he can to make dd2 ok. She certainly came out of school much happier yesterday - long may it last. (Of course the cynic in me says he may just have been saying what I wanted to hear but of course, time will tell!)

Thanks everyone

[starstudent]

Thanks for letting us know and it certainly seems to have worked - well done and what a relief!

You'll just have to keep a check on the situation now, but if (and hopefully this won't happen) your DD2 shows signs of anxiety again, go straight back to see him!