Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Help - DD in reception wants to move to a 'quiet' school

21 replies

debs227 · 25/01/2010 10:59

My DD in reception has not been happy to go to school since she was in nursery, at the same school.

We have big problems with seperation anxiety and this has been going on for over a year.(nursery & reception).I have to hand her over to a teaching assistant who holds onto her whilst i walk away. This happens nearly everyday, she screams and that breaks my heart.

She is very bright, capable and articulate and the oldest in the year. She complains that school is noisy.I find it very chaotic in the morning and i just presumed this would calm down during the day.

Anyway, matters have come to a head, it is wearing me out and i really feel that maybe this school isn't right for her. I haven't discussed another school with her, but she came home on friday and told me she would like to go to a quieter school!!

My gut feeling is to go with what she wants and move her, but i am very frightened that the same will happen in a new school!!

Any advice?? i am going in to see the head of her current school this afternoon.

OP posts:

Report

GothDetective · 25/01/2010 11:06

Have you got any smaller schools near you that DD would be able to go to? How about going and having a look round one if so.

I moved DD last year when she was Yr 3 to a much smaller school and she has really blossomed there. I think some children do better in a smaller, quiter school.

AMumInScotland · 25/01/2010 11:11

Do you have other schools nearby which would be practical? If so, I'd go and look at them to see if they are quieter/calmer. If she's been like this for over a year, then it could be a long while till she gets over it, if she ever does. Some children just hate chaos and noise!

debs227 · 25/01/2010 11:15

Hi Goth - yes we have several small schools around us.One with about 50 children total and the other has about 120 total. Is it the class size or size of school that made the difference for you??

Yes we have several small schools around us - one has a mixed R/Yr1 class with about 24 children. Or the very small schools have mixed R/Yr1/Yr2 classes with about 21 in the class.

OP posts:

debs227 · 25/01/2010 11:18

Thanks - muminscotland - yes as above. I think i need t make a list and go and have a look!!

OP posts:

GothDetective · 25/01/2010 11:21

I think class size probably made the difference. There was 30 in her previous class and she said it was very noisy and she found it hard to concentrate. Then she went to a class of 16.

Discipline seems better in this school as well so no naughty kids running round the class shouting non-stop. Whether thats because the last school was crap or thats normal for a large class I don't know.

Her new school has 60 kids in total and previous was about 400. I don't think the hustle and bustle of the playground ever bothered her, she just couldn't concentrate in class.

AMumInScotland · 25/01/2010 11:26

If her current upset goes on all day, then I think the class size would be the decider. If it was just start/end of day/lunch/playtimes then the whole school size - or the way it's organised - would be more important.

You could always ask her what bits of the day are noisy - that should clarify whether it is within the class as well as in between.

smee · 25/01/2010 11:47

I think reception's hard as they work so much through play - and if there are 30 kids or more it can seem a bit mad, especially if you're a child who hates noise. If it helps at all, Yr1 it quietens down considerably as they work much more in groups and are expected to sit - I'd guess that will appeal to her much more. Does she have lots of friends there though? I'd say that's a big consideration. If the school's bigger she'll have more of a chance to choose/ find friends. A smaller school maybe makes it less likely she'll meet friends that fit her personality, so that's always a risk if you move her. I'd definitely talk to the school though. See what they think of how she is during the day. If she's still finding it so hard going in they should be worried too and helping you find a way through that. Maybe they could let you take her into school each day and she could have a job to help the teacher set up the day - seems v.harsh to make her scream in the playground daily like that. Even if there is a lovely TA trying to help.

cranbury · 25/01/2010 17:36

I wish my mother had moved me, I screamed every morning for 2 years when I started primary school. My mum later put me in a tiny girls only secondary school and I thrived.

smee · 25/01/2010 17:42

me too cranbury - screaming that is - but I think I'd have screamed wherever I was..

sprat1 · 25/01/2010 17:44

Some children have sensory issues and they find things too overwhelming. It could be noise, visual or touch. My son couldnt cope with touch for years. Do a google search on sensory integration and see if anything fits.

pofarced · 25/01/2010 17:47

my ds is the same - but as far as I can see, the small state school mix year groups anyway so the class size isn't actually much smaller. If we wanted him in a class of say, 15, we'd have to send him privately.

debs227 · 25/01/2010 22:42

Having discussed matters with school today, they say she is fine if a bit quiet at school. They cannot see a problem, just that she cannot leave me in the morning but seems fine for the rest of the day.
They have told me to keep sending her in regardless and hopefully it will stop. So more screaming and sobbing!! I don't feel that has helped me very much.

DH thinks we should just move schools.

sprat1 - regarding sensory issues, i have googled and she does have some of those, mainly she doesn't like loud noise and is slightly clumsy. She hates water in her ears and is very scared of hair washing/swimming for that reason. She is highly intuitive and very sensitive to others.

DD told me again tonight that her friends love school but she doesn't and as she knows all the children in her class already she would really like to make new friends at a different school??!

OP posts:

Lulu1981 · 25/01/2010 23:26

Debs, it is as though you are describing my middle daughter who is 5 in April. We are currently going through PCAMHS to see if she has a diagnosable condition. Due to her age the lady we are seeing (who DD2 is yet to speak to in 5 sessions) has come up with a attachment disorder to me, so I can this is a battle I will be having for many years to come.

Although I am having the opposite problem, she is in a very small school of 19 children in total, with no other girls her age. She has problems reading the signals children give her, and ultimately is getting upset and hurt by the older children. I find that she spends quite a lot of her day wandering around doing very little therefore my husband and I am considering moving her to a larger school so she can mix with children her own age and find those good friends she clearly needs. But she too has issues with lots of noise and chaos. To be honest I am beginning to think that any school will create problems for her.. so I really do sympathise with you it is very hard to know what to do for the best.

And I feel the seperation anxiety she is showing will carry on regardless of school. I work in a preschool and can honestly say that 9 times out of 10 children are absolutely fine within 5 minutes of their mum's leaving. I had it with DD2 for 2 years and it is heart breaking, i know. :-( As I work on the school grounds she is much much better, but still needs a gentle nudge most mornings, starting from the moment she gets up...

smee · 26/01/2010 10:05

debs I think the school's pretty awful saying the screaming should continue like that. Can't they think of another strategy?! Your poor DD and poor you. Maybe she does need a fresh start if that's their attitude. Definitely worth having at least a look at the other schools and when you go talk to them about how they'd handle it if she had similar problems there. Be interesting to see how they'd differ in approach and might show you which school's best for your DD.

debs227 · 26/01/2010 12:24

Thanks lulu and smee.

Yes i have had to leave her again this morning and they had to tear her away from me. They phoned to say she was fine within about 10 mins. There was about 5 of them in the class in tears this morning and apparently they took longer to calm down than DD!! ......

There are two local schools with places who are more than happy to take her. I have contacted one school closeby and they said they are happy to take her this week and she can do mornings for a few days to settle in. So i now have to make a big decision.... I didn't realise the move could be made so quickly!!

OP posts:

sprat1 · 26/01/2010 12:41

Maybe you should take your DD to look, You dont need to say why. Maybe just would you like to see what the other schools are like?? I wonder if all schools are noisy. You dont want to go through the uphealal if she thinks they are equally as bad. A few sessions to settle in though sounds good.
If you think there are sensory issues it might be worth seeing your GP and asking about a community paediatricians referral or an OT who specialises in sensory issues. Also desenitising her to volume, so things like a prechool music group. Where noise is made in a controlled way

smee · 26/01/2010 12:47

If they're that willing she could have a try out morning maybe? You don't have to tell her school where she's going. How fantastic that there are places though. Let us know what you decide.

Dillie · 26/01/2010 14:05

My dd sounds just like yours. Every morning now for 3 weeks she has been crying and not letting me want to go.

She also says that her school is noisy, and I know she struggles especially at lunch time.

I did think about moving her, but I think the upheaval will be far worse, now she does have a friend too, and make her anxiety far far worse.

Most kids have separation anxiety, often the worst bit is them leaving mummy or daddy, but within 10-15 mins they are happy playing.

My dd finds the mornings scarey, as she put it, but I know that within 10 mins she is fine. In the mornings the poor love is a nervous wreck, but we go in at her pace. We look through the window to her class, and that seems to help a little.

She did exactly the same to me when she was at nursery, so I think its just my dd being my dd. It makes coming home that much more special. We talk about her day what she liked/didnt like. More often than not is the lunch times she doesnt like, but I told her thats the way school is. Maybe I am being too harsh, but the poor kid doesnt have much choice, as where I live all schools are relatively large compared to the nursery.

Only you know your dd, but I know that I would not put my dd through a school move unless I really really had to or moved area

debs227 · 26/01/2010 16:37

DD has come home from school today suprisingly happy and very 'hyperactive' in fact i feel that she has brought the chaos and noise of school home with her. We are going from one extreme to the other!
It's obvious that someone has made an effort today to make sure she has had friends to play with and they were keen to tell me this when i picked her up. She was being looked after by the TA's this afternoon.

Obviously going in yesterday has helped.

But will this carry on everyday??? or is it a novelty factor because i went in to talk to the school yesterday??

OP posts:

smee · 26/01/2010 18:49

Just wait and see - sounds like the other schools will always have room, so you don't have to rush it. How brilliant that she's feeling more positive.

Dillie · 26/01/2010 19:09

I find Mondays and Tuesdays the worst. Like you I went in to talk to the teachers more so as she was not eating much of her lunch. They have a mentor system at the school and my dd said that an older girl sat with her while she had her lunch. Then she was off to play with her friends. I am expecting tears in the morning, and I suspect you may get them too, but if your school is like ours, then I am sure the extra help will continue for as long as your dd needs it

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.