I know I am expecting too much

[Bumblingbovine]

but please come and tell me that (if you think I am of course)

DS is 5.3 years old and in common with lots of boys is taking a lot of time to "get" reading. He LOVES books and we read to him a lot but he seems to be taking a really long time to GET letters.

For instance we spent some time yesterday working on the learning P. I would show him an P, say the sound and he would repeat it. I would then ask "So what is this sound?" and he would say "I've forgotten" This was repeated about 15 times. I didn't show him any other letters just P and he just couldn't recogniste it on his own.

When we are reading his books from school, I can see that he has remebered the words but can't read them. If I cover the pictures and point to a 3 letter word and ask him to read it or sound it out (with me reading it first of course) he just can't. Last week we had a book which mut have repeated the word pig 20 times. Each time I asked him if he could read that word (having told him what it was twice or more on the previous page) he just couldn't remember.

I know he is still young and I am hoping I am expecting too much but it is so frustrating.

Me (showing him a p" 'See this is Puh, Puh, You say it"

DS "Puh"

Me (immediately afterwards)- Still holding or showing him the same P "OK so what sound is this?"

DS "I can't remember"

Me "it's Puh"

DS "Puh"

Me "OK so what is this sound then?"

DS " I can't remember"

I swore I was not going to worry if ds didn't read early but are supposed to go through his school reading book each day and unless I try to get him to participate all that happens is I read him the words and he listens. He is making some progress I think but it seems so painfully slow.

I rememebr my nephew (in Italy) was reading and beginning to write within a term of starting school. I know because I saw him the Christmas after he started school and he was doing simple reading/writing homework (much to my astonishement as he had not been able to read or even write his name before starting school)

Admitedly he was older than ds (Italians start school later) but was the youngest in his class so was only about 7 months older than ds.

Maybe ds will improve considerably in the next 6 months but I can see that he really struggles with i. This is normal isn't it?

[cece]

So he is in Reception? Sounds like my DS last year. It is amazing but it suddenly just happens and they get it. Try not to stress about it. Just read to him at home. I would suggest leave the teaching to the school.

My DS is now in Year 1 and is reading really well.

[cory]

Yes, it's normal. Ds didn't get reading until Yr 2. Dd used to look everywhere except in the book: at the ceiling, at the floor. A couple of years later and she was reading the Lord of the Rings.

[thegrammerpolicesic]

I think you need to back off - I don't mean that critically as you haven't done anything wrong - but the way he is responding makes me think he simply isn't interested for now or is feeling pressured (again, not your fault).

Take a break at home, other than as cece says, carrying on reading in a fun way. After a few weeks try again and see if he's more interested.

[AMumInScotland]

He'll get it when he gets it - I know it's frustrating when you keep going over something "obvious" and they don't take it in, but honestly their brains are sometimes just not ready to make the connection no matter how well or how often you explain it.

If you are expected to "do" the reading book that comes home, then just go back to you reading it, pointing at the words as you go. It'll come in time, honest!

[PurpleEglu]

I can understand it must be frustrating for you, but he will get it eventually.

A friend of my DS1 has just suddenly got reading. It took her a lot longer than DS, but she has now caught him up. She was two book band colours behind. It has clicked with her now and she is doing great.

Has his teacher said anything about it?

[Clary]

It is certainly not uncommon.

Does his class do jolly phonics with an action for the sound? These may help him make the association.

Also make sure you say p not puh so p - e - t not puh - e - tuh for pet. Not that that will make a difference atm but it will help later - I have seen children try to write nuh for the sound n.

DOn't worry, he will get it. But I agree with those who say back off and just read him books. tbh if someone asked me the same question 15 times I might not want to answer!

[slng]

I think it's normal. I would be more relaxed,
by all means tell him "This is Puh" when he has time but don't ask him to repeat. Nothing more dispiriting than that to both parties - if he doesn't know it and admits it then both of you feel discouraged. If he does know it then why should he have to say it? That's how we do it anyway ...

[Cyb]

Take him to the p-p-p-park.

Show him the p-p-p-p-pidgeons.

p-p-p-p-play a game.

p-p-p-please don't show him any more flash cards

[MrsGravy]

I agree with the others - chill out and definitely back off! He sounds very, very normal for his age.

I'd ask the teacher what she expects from you in terms of the reading book, you say 'unless I try to get him to participate all that happens is I read him the words and he listens.' as if this is pointless but it's not! Simply by reading to him you are helping him learn to read and - most importantly of all - instilling in him an enjoyment of reading and books.

I would also stay well, well away from comparing him to anyone. Least of all a child 7 months older than him - that's actually a big gap at this age. I know my DD has matured loads in the last 7 months and I expect her to do so even more in the next 7 months.

I'd say his refusal to repeat the sound 'p' is probably partly a reaction to you pushing him, I know my DD digs her heels in hugely the more I try and 'push' learning on her. (she's the same age as your DS). Think of some games to play with him - I Spy, or a treasure hunt where he has to find things beginning with a certain letter. But back off if he's not interested. Also Super Why on the internet has some good games that teach them letters without them really realising.

[smee]

I'd back off too and yes it's v.normal - a friend gave me a good tip when we were a bit stuck. Simply you read each page for them first. Sounds daft as there's only a few words, but he's more likely to get a sentence like 'The cat ran' than a single word in isolation and he'll feel good about it and get used to the process. Once he's happy with that level of repetition, you can step it up by getting him to point to each word. Then after that get him to point to a word you choose once he's read it, so ask him which one is 'cat'. Another thing I've done is let DS bounce up and down ten times once he's read two pages - makes the whole thing funny and he races to read.

[Bumblingbovine]

Ok

Thanks for all the replies. Sorry I took a while to post again but I wrote the question and then started to do my tax return (the deadline is approaching) and that took me longer than I thought it would.

I knew the answer really but it is good to have it confirmed. I was exaggerating a bit when I said we repeated it 15 times (it probably just felt like it!) but I will just go back to reading the book to him and pointing to the words.

I have spoken to his teacher and she doesn't seem worried so I will go back to not worrying about his reading . I honestly wasn't concerned before but then I was eaving it to the school and just reading to ds at home.

Then I thought maybe I should try and be a bit more pro-active and started trying to "help" and all that did was make me (and probably ds as well) stressed

Ds isn't ready yet and what is more obvious is how terrible I am at teaching!!

Thanks again

[slng]

Bumblingbovine - Sorry to be preaching but you are not a terrible teacher! You just need to be more relaxed and not teach to any time constraint or anyone else's schedule. He's going to have to learn all sorts from you. In my (very limited) experience kids want to learn. They just don't always want to learn what you (or the school) want to teach them. So the thing to do is to find out what he likes and teach that. DS1 learned to read and write Chinese for cars and various machineries before he could do the "simpler" words that are traditionally taught first.

Sorry to be stating the obvious . I just feel quite strongly about this disempowerment (is there such a word!?) that comes with the "leave it to the experts" attitude when it comes to the education of our children ... We are the best teachers our children have. OK I'll go away now.

[samanthar]

It IS very frustrating but ds twin was nearly six and a half before it 'clicked'. I used to find this whole clicking description very annoying but it IS what happens. dd twin clicked at 5 exactly so it was a long old wait for him to get it too.