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Dd2's classmates leaving daft and rude messages on our phone, will school deal with it or not ?

49 replies

MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:04

Firstly, I don't 100% know who it is, nor does dd, but she has a very goood idea.

A few weeks ago we had a bout 3/4 messages left on phone, mostly kids rambling but with a few sexual terms thrown in.
Dd2 didn't hear them, but as soon as I told her about them she seemd to know what I was on about and said that two of her friends who go to before and after school club, have mobile phones, and b/a club let them use them whilst there. This fits as the calls are always at around 8:30am and 3:30 pm.

She said the boys tend to take the phones off the girls and ring my dd leaving daft messages. From what I heard of the messages, the girls are just as invovled.

I told dd to tell her friends in general, that whoever it was should pack it in if they didn't want to get into trouble.

It did stop then, but seems to have strted again. On friday a message was left to say school was closed because of the snow (it wasn't). It was obvious it was a child, so not so bothered about that one, but then at 3:35 on Friday, another message was left saying, would dd go out with this lad because he fell and broke ihs leg in the sno, oh and could she give him a bj.

So, I told dd that her friends are leaving daft messages again, and she said she will tell them to stop again, but I am thinking I really need to see the teacher about it. Trouble is, as they aren't making the calls at school, will school do anything ?

I only really want them to make a general 'we are aware of pupils making innapropriate calls to other pupils' statement really.

The after school club is on the school site, but is run seperatly. I suppose I could ask to speak to them aswell.

Wwyd ?? The chldren in question are 10.

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cat64 · 10/01/2010 14:07

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LeightonCourtDiscoQueen · 10/01/2010 14:08

10 and asking for bj's

I would definitely talk to the school and the ASC, and ask them to speak to the parents.

Imagine if you discovered that your 10yr old DS had been leaving messages like that.

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themildmanneredjanitor · 10/01/2010 14:08

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domesticextremist · 10/01/2010 14:13

10? [naive shocked emoticon]

The school is responsible for the after school club in that they 'choose' who runs it dont they? Ours was taken over by new management after complaints.

I would complain to both the school and the club.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:14

Thanks

I do have a couple of names, as they mentioned some on the last message.
Unfortuatly I don't have the number because someone had rung after them.

Have told dd to stop giving our number to people, although to be fair to her, she'd given it her friend, not the boys.

I will speak to dd's teacher tomorrow if they are in. Will suggest he speaks to the after school club, but if not I will.

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Goblinchild · 10/01/2010 14:14

By all means tell the school and the ASC, but if they phoned you, did they with hold their numbers?
Keep the record of calls and contact the Community Police Officer. It's a series of nuisance calls, and 10 is the age of crimimnal responsibility.
It's often very effective to have a uniformed body make a home visit, for the children and as a wake-up call for parents.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:16

Not sure about the out of schools club. I think I know the guy who runs it, but I don't know if it is attatched to the school or a private thing.

I can find out though because another of dd's friends goes there. Pretty sure she isn't involved though. At least I hope not.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:19

I didn't keep the messages no. I know I should have, but I didn't want dd listening to them.

I also don't have the number because the message doesn't record it, and someone had called the phone after them.

I am thinking that if her school is open tomorrow that they may well do it again tomorrow morning. I will dial 1471 as soon as I get back in after the school run and get it then if they leave another message.

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abbierhodes · 10/01/2010 14:22

I'd be having sharp words with the girl she gave the number to, tbh. If you're old enough to have a mobile phone, you're old enough to know not to give numbers out.

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Goblinchild · 10/01/2010 14:25

I'm more of a set the trap and catch all the buggers kind of person.
So I'd wait until I had a bit more hard evidence before going any further, names or numbers that can be traced. Otherwise they'll not get caught, think it fun and continue making mischief of different sorts.
Often the only thing better than doing something bad is the thrill of escaping by the skin of your teeth.

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daytoday · 10/01/2010 14:27

Can you speak to the childrens mums? Chances are if they've done it to your daughter - it might be the new 'fad.' They may end up doing it to other kids too.

They are in their final year at school? I remember doing silly things at this age - well actually, probably not till I was 13 or 14.

A grown up conversation about telephones and responsibility is probably needed with their whole class. I'm sure the other kids parents would be happy to get involved - if anything they're wasting their phone credits instead of which their parents have paid.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:47

Right, have spoken to dd again and it turns out she does know who's phone is being used. It is a girl in her class. She goes to the b/a school club, and then she is giving the phone to 3 boys in particular who also go there and are also in dd's class. They are then ringing and leaving the messages.

She said when she told this girl last time to stop, she laughed and said she wasn't bothered. She thinks it is funny. I don't know if this girl knows exactly what the boys are saying in the messages.

I also know of one of the buys as he has been in trouble for bullying dd in the past.

Oh and I do have the girls parents number somewhere, because dd went there once ages ago. If the school don't do anything, then I will ring her parents.

I do not understand why the afterschool club is letting them use their flippin mobiles though, thats asking for trouble.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:48

They are all in yr 5, so some of them are infact 9 not 10.

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DecorHate · 10/01/2010 14:53

I've not come across problems like this at primary school (around here children don't tend to get mobiles till at secondary school) but most secondary schools here take a very hard line on any sort of bullying involving mobiles phones/internet. Even if it occurs outside school hours the school tends to get involved because it causes repercussions at school, iyswim.

In the short term, can you disable the answering service? - if they can't leave a message they will probably get bored and give up.

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Toughasoldboots · 10/01/2010 14:56

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:58

Oh good idea about disabling it. Not sure I can though it is the one that comes with a virgin phoneline.

I agree about the mobiles. Dd1 wasn't allowed to have one until secondary school.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 15:01

Thanks, I think the school will definitely have to speak to the after school club, as I am pretty sure that is where the calls are being made.

Dd said they are allowed to take in mobiles, ds's, ipods etc to use whilst there.

Dd2's teacher is quite strict so I think he will handle it properly. If not I will see the head.

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mrz · 10/01/2010 15:44

Legally the school can't do anything but I'm sure they would like to know especially if the calls are being made from their premises.

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Earlybird · 10/01/2010 15:46

Think you will need to save messages as evidence. Otherwise, they will deny all knowledge and you won't have a leg to stand on.

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Paolosgirl · 10/01/2010 15:48

We experienced something similar - spoke both to the school and the parents concerned. The parents were mortified, but I couldn't have cared less if they weren't - I wanted to make sure they knew. The school dealt with it with a general chat about bullying and mobile phones, and threw in a few references to let the shit child know that the school knew. Fortunately it did settle down afterwards, but I still want to kill the brat whenever I see him.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 16:57

I will make sure I save any future messages, but the teacher would have to come to my home to listen to them though.

I don't mind at this stage if they just have a general chat to the whole class about it, stating that they know some people have been using the phones innapropriatly and that if it happens again further action will be taken.

Hopefully that might be enough to stop them doing it.

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LittlePushka · 10/01/2010 17:04

Just ring BT customer service (or your provider) tell sthem whne the calls were and they will block the number. Think that the school should know as it is effectively a bullying situation- but it is very easy and very quick to stop the immediate
effect of the calls.

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Feenie · 10/01/2010 17:30

This happened to a teacher colleague of mine - not using after school club phones though. It was an ex pupil, and the police took it extremely seriously. They found out how to trace the number and visited the parents, who were horrified.

I would do both, personally - inform the after school club and the police.

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welshdeb · 10/01/2010 17:58

You must make an official complaint to the phone provider and the police.

BT has a nuisance call unit not so sure about other providers but I am sure they must have something similar. If you make them aware of these calls they can trace the originating number. I dont think they will tell you who it is though but they can refer it to the police who can trace the number.

I imagine that these phones are registered to an adult given the ages of the children involved, and I dont think they will be very happy to get a visit from the police investigating these calls.

I would advise the school and inform them that you have involved police and suggest that they may wish to review their mobile phone policy. IMO 9 or 10yo should not be taking mobiles to school or afterschool activities.

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MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 18:05

Tbh I think i'd rather just deal with it through the school at the moment.

I understand what you are saying about involving the police, but I don't think it needs to come to that yet. I would probably feel differently had dd heard any of the messages.

Obviously if school deal with it and it carries on then I would get the police invloved.

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