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Sad about kids at different primaries - Does it work?

11 replies

nothingofthesort · 30/12/2009 00:25

Dd1 goes to a just-about-adequate school which is not local to us. We moved here when she was in Year 1 so didn't have much of a choice wrt a school as local schools are oversubscribed. Dd2 is due to start school next year, and I am constantly agonising over where to send her.

Our local school is superb. Great OFSTED, great results, and it is local. Dd1's school is a bit crap - nobody from there ever seems to get into the selective highs in the area and the teachers are pretty hit-and-miss too. It is a beautiful school though - lovely landscaped gardens, excellent quality of equipment and classrooms etc. The sort of place you like to go to every morning. It is also very multicultural, which local school isn't. Dd1 loves it. She is down on the waiting list for the local school but now, 2.5 years on she doesn't want to move. I can't blame her, she's made lots of friends and formed associations with the school. Local school is tiny compared to her school, and quite old and tired looking (not that that matters obviously but she probably would take an instant dislike based on first impressions).

We have sort of decided that dd2 will go to the local school. It is miles better in terms of the education she'll be getting, and a good school all round (not having much of a cultural mix is the only negative, but that's unavoidable as it obviously just reflects the mix in the area), but I just can't get around the fact that they'll be in different schools. They are very close in spite of their 4 year age gap. Will they grow apart? They wouldn't have much in common to talk about when it comes to school isn't it, since they wouldn't know each others teachers or school events etc. And school is such a big part of their lives at this stage.

I remember reading on MN a poster saying that her ds and dd go to different schools and therefore are like two only children rather than siblings; this made me so sad for my dds. Even the littlest things are upsetting me. The fact that they wont have school photos together for example. It's crazy really, this has even been keeping me up at night. On the one hand I think why deny dd2 the chance to go to a really good school (dd1 didn't have a choice) and with much bigger options for secondary, and then I also think do I want them to grow apart in the process? They both want to be at the same school obviously. They'll only even be at the same school for a few years but I still can't decide either way.

Please tell me your stories. Good or bad.

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coldtits · 30/12/2009 00:33

They wouldn't be in the same classes anyway, and once they finish primary (with an year age gap they'll only be at primary at the same time for 3 or 4 years anyway) they would be at different schools anyway.

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Clary · 30/12/2009 12:02

I would always vote for local first.

What year is yr DD1 in? One of my DD's best friends (she's in yr 4 now) joined the school in yr 3 from another school and while I guess it's not ideal, she has been fine.

I woudl also want them both at the same school for practical reasons tbh.

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CremeDeMenthe · 30/12/2009 12:10

I'd go local. If DD2 got in, would that bump DD1 up the waiting list? I'd want both my DC to have the same chance of a decent education.

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mrsruffallo · 30/12/2009 12:19

I agree, it's education first for me too.
I would send DD2 to the local school and then get dd1 in as soon as possible

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nothingofthesort · 30/12/2009 13:38

Thanks for the replies, especially since my OP was so long . Dd1 would certainly get bumped up the waiting list once dd2 gets in but she doesn't want to leave her school now. I suppose I could convince her if I tried, just want to do what is right for her all round.

Clary dd1 is in Year 3. My head tells me that dd2 should be in the local school, it's my heart that letting me down .

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hocuspontas · 30/12/2009 13:43

My 3 dds have always been at different schools (infant, junior and secondary) - it's only a problem if you make it one. They spend a lot more time being siblings than they do at school! And bizarre to think they would grow apart.

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Clary · 30/12/2009 15:24

hocus if it comes to that mine are or will be soon at 3 different schools - but the inf and jnr are connected (eg don't each have a summer fair, on the same site etc) so the logistics are not a problem.

And actually for me and maybe my DC this is the one negative about inf and jnr - that in fact DS1 (10yo) and DS2 (6yo) have never been in the same school - I think they feel they miss out (eg DS2 hasn't got that thing where he knows the big boys in yr 6 because they are his brother's mates).

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madamearcati · 31/12/2009 16:40

Once your DD2 is there, it will surely bump your DD1 up the waiting list too as she will then have a sibling in the school.may be worth launching an appeal for DD1(I think you are allowed to appeal once per child per year)Nothing to lose !

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bloss · 31/12/2009 17:33

Message withdrawn

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GenieoftheTramp · 31/12/2009 18:41

No question, would move DD2. Agree with bloss, she's not old enough to understand the ramifications.

Imagine how she'd feel later on if her younger sister did much better all because DD2 went to a better school...

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nothingofthesort · 31/12/2009 18:48

Thank you very much for the replies. You made me realise that what I wanted to do all along (but wasn't sure was the right decision) was correct and that I need not feel any guilt about it. I'm glad I asked.

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