oh dear, what on earth do I do about this?

[saadia]

Ds2 is in Reception. He is very sensitive. Today he came out of school quite upset saying that his teacher had drawn a funny picture of him (and other children on his table) and the class had laughed at him. I tried to make light of it and said she must have been joking, and he should have told her that he didn't like it. BTW she is a really lovely and caring teacher.

Anyway, later on at home he said he was going upstairs to draw a picture. When I went to check on him he wouldn't let me see the picture but said he would put it in his book bag. When I sneaked a peek I saw that he had written "Miss X is very rood" and drawn a picture. He obviously wants her to see this. Should I leave it there - she might think that I "approved" it, or should I remove it?

I will be in his class tomorrow afternoon so will bring it up with the teacher, but what do I do about the picture?

[ChazsBarmyArmy]

I would sit down and speak to your DS again. See if you can get him to hold off on the picture until you have had a chance to speak to his teacher. It would be useful for you to understand the wider context e.g. was the same done to other children, were they all drawing pictures...
I suspect his teacher has no idea that she has upset him. Perhaps you can use the picture as an illustration of how he felt when you see the teacher. So he doesn't take it to school but you can bring it with you and if your DS wants to show the teacher how he felt then you can discuss the picture with her in his presence. That way he gets heard but you can present the picture as an illustration of how he felt rather than a commentary on her.
DS1 is now Yr1 but also sensitive, sometimes he gets bothered by things that no one else has noticed and it takes a bit of diplomacy on my part to get him to put things in perspective.

[saadia]

Thanks ChazsBarmyArmy that makes a lot of sense. He has just now spilled the beans of his own accord and told me about the picture and taken it out of the book bag and put it in the bin.

He insists that she was making fun of him, which is obviously a misunderstanding because as you say she would never deliberately do this. I asked him if he wanted me to tell her he didn't like it and he said yes so I will mention it tomorrow.

He is very sensitive and, like your ds, notices and worries when things don't seem fair. I think he might have a bit of a persecution complex.

[MIAonline]

IMO, definitely take it out of his bag, don't give it to the teacher!

Speak to the teacher about the fact that he was upset. It is most likely a mix up and by allowing him to 'retaliate' you are being disrespectful to the teacher and allowing him to blow it up in to something bigger than it probably is.

[saadia]

Thanks MIAonline, yes I think I will have a chat with him about not being rude to his teacher and give him ways of dealing with situations that might upset him.

[Smithagain]

I would definitely have a word with the teacher, in a light-hearted "something seems to have upset DS yesterday and I'm trying to understand what really happened" sort of a way.

But actually, I think drawing his own "angry" picture, showing you, and then being prepared to throw it away, is a pretty postivie way for your DS to deal with a situation like this! Better than just throwing a wobbly.

[MIAonline]

X-posted with your last post saadia.

I agree with smithagain, it is a positive way to deal with it and it is important that he told you of his own accord and wanted to get rid of the picture himself.

I am sure it will help him by speaking to the teacher and explaining how he is sensitive and felt hurt by the situation. Hopefully she will find ways to support him to tell her when an issue arises so that he doesn't have to worry about it alone.

[saadia]

yes MIA I was glad, and quite surprised when he told me himself and talked with him about the whole thing. Apparently he had a plan with his best friend that they would write these notes .

And I was very taken aback that he was even contemplating taking it to school without telling me.

The teacher knows how sensitive he is (mentioned it in his report) so I think now I have to help him deal with this, I suppose it is good that he got his feelings out somehow.

[ChazsBarmyArmy]

Glad its resolved itself. I find with my DS you often don't get the whole story just his account of it, which is coloured by his hurt feelings. I tend to take a gentle enquiring approach when speaking to the teacher because quite often the version I have heard from DS has skewed the facts a bit .

Like the others I think it is very positive that your DS talked the whole thing through with you and eventually threw the picture away. Its also good that he found a constructive way of expressing his feelings (through his picture) rather than engaging in destructive behaviour.

Lets face it we have all written the odd angry letter or email that never gets sent.

Good luck for your chat with the teacher.

[saadia]

Thanks ChazsBarmyArmy, I will let you know how it goes with the teacher.

[saadia]

Well I had a quiet word with the teacher when ds was out of earshot. It turns out that it was the end of the day and she was working on his table and just for fun she drew their faces, then some of the other children started adding things like purple lips and earrings and red hair to the pictures and were laughing. It was all just supposed to be fun.

Anyway, ds seems to be OK with things now so hopefully this will all help him deal with similar situatons. Thanks everyone for all your advice, it does help to get other perspectives.

[Smithagain]

Glad there was a sensible explanation!