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shameless boast-ds has had his poem he wrote at school entered into a national competition. come tell me what you think of it! (he is dying to hear your opinions!)

38 replies

belcantwait · 23/06/2009 16:57

he is 10.

here goes:

Going to the beach

I went to the beach on a windy day
BUt the colour had died. the magic was grey.
The tide had paused, but the wind still blew.
Inside me the anger grew and grew.
Then, when i was fit to burst,
I had not seen the very worst.
The dark swept over and covered the sea.
The only person there was me.
Above my head, a monochrome sky.
I lowered my head, and started to cry.

[proud mummy emoticon]
what do you think??? he values the mn opinion!

OP posts:
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ssd · 23/06/2009 16:59

I think thats really good, well done to him!

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belcantwait · 23/06/2009 17:00

thank you.
of course now he's been entered he is CONVINCED he will walk away with the bloody prize!

OP posts:
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ssd · 23/06/2009 17:02

well he should!

good luck to him!

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DrNortherner · 23/06/2009 17:03

I think its amazing. well done to your ds!

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PacificDogwood · 23/06/2009 17:04

V v good. You are right to be proud, and so should he be.
Good luck with the competition.

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classic62 · 23/06/2009 19:11

I think it is brilliant too...well done young man!

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treedelivery · 23/06/2009 19:16

It's brilliant [although got a lump in my throat as emotional today]

He is very emotionally mature.

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SolidGoldBrass · 23/06/2009 19:16

Oh well done to your DS. I was dreading this being a thread about that farking vanity publishers who do the My First Poem 'competiton' but this is completely different. Good luck.

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Remotew · 23/06/2009 19:22

Good luck to your DS in the competition. He's talented.

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daisydancer · 23/06/2009 19:32

What a lovely poem.

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Doobydoo · 23/06/2009 19:33

How lovely

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hullygully · 23/06/2009 19:35

Sallright.

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nickytwotimes · 23/06/2009 19:35

That is super.
Like solid, I was dreading it being one of those vanity comps, so I am glad it is not.
Fantastic poem.

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piscesmoon · 23/06/2009 19:36

Well done! (smile)

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piscesmoon · 23/06/2009 19:37

Sorry -I meant

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TsarChasm · 23/06/2009 19:39

Wow! First class poem - he deserves to win with it!

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verygreenlawn · 23/06/2009 19:50

How lovely that he is so creative. I'd be proud too.

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FatGirlThin · 23/06/2009 19:52

Brilliant! (and I'm a teacher so that really counts )

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Wittering · 23/06/2009 19:53

That is a lovely poem, really good. Best of luck with the comp.

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GrimmaTheNome · 23/06/2009 19:56

Its an excellent poem but I hope you're not going to the seaside for your summer hols

'The magic was grey' - thats a really good line.

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teafortwo · 23/06/2009 19:57

Wow - The rhyming format makes it innocent and child like thus making the sad, dark and meaningful content even more powerful. It made me shiver.

What a wonderfully talented boy!

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Metella · 23/06/2009 19:59

It's excellent - I can assure you that my 10-year-old would have no idea that a word like monochrome exists!!

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spongebrainmaternitypants · 23/06/2009 19:59

Fantastic!

I'm a teacher too, and used to teach kids your DS' age - not many of them could have produced something that mature at aged 10.

Good luck in the competition .

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Tortington · 23/06/2009 20:04

wow

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teafortwo · 23/06/2009 20:06

I think it is about the end of childhood and beginning of the teen years - noticing for the first time the negative side of life and not liking it.

I'd like to know from the poet if I am right.

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