splitting up twins going into reception

[Clare21]

I wasn't sure to post here or in multiples. Here goes. Our twins will be going into reception in Sept. We were asked if we wanted to split them up as there will be 2 small reception classes, and have opted for DS to go in one, DD the other. He is a bit domineering and v speedy with words and numbers, and she is in his shadow. Staff agree they would benefit from own space and own friends. However how on earth do we broach this with the children? The good news is that they're at the school's nursery now, and 8 or so kids from nursery will go into each reception class, so they won't be completely on their own. Also there are loads of opps for shared play time apparently. Does anyone have any ideas? thanks

[MicrowaveOnly]

splitting them is definitely the best idea. I've seen teenage twins who have done everything together, sat next to each other in every class and at 17 are applying to go to uni to do the same course. All of this was demanded by a very domineering mother..poor kids!.

[bubblagirl]

i am a half of boy girl twins and would say you have done the right thing

just tell them your both going to amke new friends and at play time you can sit together for lunch or play in the play ground

children are more easily adaptable then parenrs

we were fine we loved having own space not being reffered to as the twins all the time we had twice the amount of friends as we shared each others friends it was great

around each other every day at home so the spacr made us much closer as we got older we always were in same group of friends but had own independance and own friends also

[Clare21]

bubblagirl & microwaveonly (how much do i need to come up with another name eh!) thanks so much - really good to know we're doing the right thing. It seems as though it will be the easiest time to split them too, with lots of shared play / eating time, as then in Reception 1 they separate the different classes much more. The point about x2 as many friends is a winner.

[sandyballs]

I have twin girls who are now 7 and they have always been in separate classes. Like you, I had my doubts about it in reception but it wasn't a problem. There is an awful lot of shared play during that first year and in my DDs school they were allowed to go into each others classes if they were missing each other.

I love the fact that they now have their own set of friends and get invited to different play dates and parties. Our neighbours twins are in a one class per year school and do everything together which I don't think is very healthy.

Another thing that makes me glad we split them is that they have turned out to be very very different academically. One is top of her class in most things and the other struggles a bit and it would be hard for her to be in the same class as her sister and see her steaming ahead. She is shielded from that a bit by being in a different class.

[msappropriate]

A lot of schools have a policy of splitting up twins. There were 3 sets last year in my sons 2 form entry school and none were spilt up. I was suprised that none of the parents wanted it.

[branflake81]

As an aside, at Univeristy I knew two identical twin girls who had always done everything together. They were now at the same University, doing the same course and sharing a room!

[SlightlyMadSweet]

My personal opinion for my ID DTDs was to keep them together in R. We are just going to split them going into Yr3. I think we are/have done the right thing for our twins, but it may have made the challenge of seperating them harder, I don't know....

What you could do (which is what we have just done) is suggest to the school that they each have a couple of good friends in their class (i.e. existig friends from nursery group). Failing that try and get hold of the class list so you know who is in which class so you can start to coach them that X will be in your class....won't that be fantastic.....

You may find the latter harder as the class lists are often comfiential - but if you don't try....

[AbbeyA]

I think it is a good thing otherwise they always rely on each other. I would just tell them that in school no one has siblings in the same class but that they will be able to play together, have lunch together etc. They will just take it as normal once they get used to it.

[clare21]

Thanks very much everyone, v much value all of your input. Sandyballs I think we may have the same set up as you - he's into numbers BIG TIME and she's stuck to the craft table busy making things with sellotape. She doesn't answer questions as she knows he will... Also I do find it hard sometimes not comparing them and just keeping the conversation with teachers to one child not two, and with different teachers this will be easier. School have said they can be together at play / messy / lunchtime. Will start asking mums which class their kids are in as we've been told in a letter. Interestingly when we first asked what school's policy was on twins they said they always keep them together, but it seems there have been various issues further up the school so they've offered us the choice.

[sandyballs]

We did consider keeping ours together for a year or so and then splitting, but how do you make the decision as to which one moves away from their friends and 'starts again'. I think it may be even harder than going separate at the beginning.

[teslagirl]

I'm no expert on twins but it strikes me that having a boy/girl combo is really little different from having them separated by a year or two in terms of birthdate? I'd go as far as to say even same gender, non-IDs really are utterly 2 separate people who share nothing more in common with their sibling than any other DC in that family except from obviously a birthdate! I'd imagine the situation with ID twins is a whole different kettle of fish. I've known several sets (as have we all, of course) and it interests me the degree to which they are similar OR different. I recall 2 ID boys who were really quite easy to tell apart, had completely different personalities and friends and went to different secondaries (a grammar and a SM), where I can think of 2 sets of DD ID twins, one set of whom were pathologically close, who couldn't actually understand even as late teenagers, where one finished and the other began ( the parents fought to keep them together in all things, supporting one quitting something because the other didn't like it etc, THEN when they realised how 'inseparable' these 2 had become, found they couldn't be 'prised apart'); AND another set who FINALLY split after Uni (same course) but who seemed highly supportive of each other but separated physically, seeing each other once a week or so.

[ChopsTheDuck]

there is a big difference. Not sure what it is, my (NI) twins don't even get on most of the time, unlike like my older two (who dote on each other) bit there is a special bond there.

good luck with it claire. I still don;t know what I will do with mine!

[Lizipads]

I have b / g twins who are at a small village primary and therefore we had no choice but to keep them together. Our one ray of hope (in our case it's dd who is really bright and definitely domineering) is that they move the brightest Y1's up to the Y2 class at Christmas. We are desperately hoping this will involve separating them as this will be better for ds' confidence. Even though they are in separate groups for everything, it is clear that ds is reacting against his sibling on an almost constant basis.

I had to laugh above with the comment about them being no different to siblings born a couple of years apart. Yes, they don't share any more dna than any other siblings but when you have a sibling that was born at the same time, with whom you've shared a childhood, it must be really, really hard to get to school and find out that the other sibling has all the valued qualities and to have to put up with it, at close quarters, for 7 years or more.

I'm not a twin myself, but I got moved up a year at primary school, which put me into the same class as my older brother. I think he just gave up, really and he definitely played up as a result.

As you can tell, imho, if they are of different ability, I would separate them because they will be valued for who they are and the temptation won't be there for the staff to compare them. I know teachers do their best, but it's human nature to be curious about twin-ness.

Hope helpful

[islandofsodor]

Dd is friends with a set of girl twins. Her mum was given the choice and she chose to keep them together as she couldn;t cope with two lots of birthday parties!!!!!

[snorkle]

I know b-g twins that were at a single class per year school and the girl had to be moved up a year because of 'twin issues' and I also know of b-g twins that have been kept together at parental request at a school that usually seperates them. If you feel it's going to be best to have them apart then it probably will be though - go with your instincts. I don't think you need to make a big deal of it to the kids - tell them that's the way it is and play up the positives if they seem upset. You could mention that it's not necessarily for ever, but I don't think I would unless they ask specifically.

[Litchick]

Mine were split up and it's been great.
They have their own set of friends and interests and there is no direct comparison/competition.

[clare21]

I told them about it on Sunday, at a very calm moment. Couldn't believe how well it went. I just said that next term it was exciting as there'd be two classes not one. I ran through some of the names in each class and then dropped theirs in. She looked at me a bit funnily and I said 'imagine he won't be able to fiddle with your ear any more!' suddenly she was thrilled to bits! Going back to the earlier comment, they are two very different people but they're very much twins, and it's hard on her when he answers every question, she's got into the habit of not replying as she knows he will - so much so we have all to preface qs with 'this is for x' so he doesn't butt in. Now Litchick the big q is do you do separate birthday parties.....