Think I've chosen the wrong school for DD - help me feel better

[ninja]

Sorry for the ramble below, but I feel close to tears and don't know what to do to feel better and thought someone might have an idea.

We basically had 2 choices of school, the one all the 'pushy' parents want to send the kids to (C of E school, always over subscribed but we probably had enough points to get there) and local county primary, both the same distance away.

DH preferred the county primary and I did think it had a nice friendly feel. I probably preferred the the other though, the kids seemed a bit more independent, the grounds are better, better results and a fantastic reception area. We ended up choosing the County primary as I didn't know which one to go to and my next door neighbour (an ex primary school teacher) sent her child there which makes favours in the school run a lot easier (and as I work I have an arrangement with her at least once a week). Saying that I was happy that all the classes in our school were 25 or less. Now she's there though, her class is 30 (which means that half of the year 1 are in reception which makes me think will this be her next year?) Also there are only 5 girls her age.

We're getting very little info about what the school are doing (and I know the other school are giving weekly newsletters) and I've just checked the latest SAT results (2006) - the other school have better value added (-ve at mine) and their level 5 results are higher than my level 4.

I know results aren't everything but I just look and think WHY did I choose this school? I'm a very academic person so I won't be able to ignore these things. I don't want to be thinking this for the next 7 years.

I know I can't change her school, but how can I feel better about my decision?

[Hurlyburly]

Cheer up. It really isn't that important, honestly. If you are academically motivated then the chances are that your dd will be too. Sbe'll be fine.

[ELR]

well you know the answer, you cant change it so make the best of it!
Dont look at all the things the other school does better in fact never look at it again just think of the reasons why you chose that school and remember thats why you chose it, dd will proberbly settle well and at least you wont have to face pushy mums and there pushed about kids!!

[charliecat]

Is your dd happy, and are you happy with the care she is getting there, and if you ASK do they tell you how shes getting on?
Is there a website with a newsletter?

[funnypeculiar]

Personally, I'm a big believer that the key thing you learn at primary school is to enjoy school It sounds like the school you've chosen is the right one for that.
If you're fairly academic, the chances are that your dd will pick up loads at home by omosis.

Persoanl example - I went to our local primary school (as did all my brothers & sisters - I'm one of four) It was pretty shambolic in terms of the teaching & I suspect would have done badly in SATs (eg we got to 10 before anyone noticed they hadn't thought to teach us times tables at all...) - but we did lots of lovely things & I LOVED being there. I come from an academic family (teacher & lecturer) and passed the entrance exam into a more academic, selective school easily.
I am sure part of my happiness in academic environments comes down to the fact that my primary school taught be to enjoy learning/that school was a nice place to do

Sorry, rambled back there rather, didn;t I

[ninja]

Thanks,

I needed these kinds of messages - she's still getting used to the routine and saying do I have to go to school etc, but there are no tears so I think she's happy there.

Oh, dinner's arrived - better go and eat!

[cazzybabs]

Schools change depending upon which teacher is working there. Your dd being in reception and the SATS scores at the end of Year 6 mean nothing - the year 6s and your dd are likely to have different teachers. I wouldn't worry about 5 girls the teacher and TA will know who she is and what is about, rather than being another little girl. And as for being 30 in the class the school is better off financially and so has more money to spend on resources.

Would you rather a HT who writes newsletters or who spends time checking what the teachers are up to and monitoring their performance.

What other good things are there about this school- playground, reading books, library, after school clubs? DO they do Jolly phonics?
There must be lots of good things about it....

[twentypence]

Sounds like post purchase dissonance - if you'd gone to the other school you would probably posting that your dd didn't seem as happy or something

The schools SAT results are not your dd's. I am currently trying to not panic and be rational about ds's future school having most of the years 0-2 unable to read to national standards. But I am making myself be calm - because he already can read to that standard and he hasn't started yet! I am also very academic, but admire my husband hugely for being able to connect with people and have deep friendships - which I find hard.

Is your dd coming home happy, tired and talking about the stuff she is doing?

[ninja]

Hi twentypence, your DH sounds like mine and I KNOW that that's what it's about - being happy, but it is hard not to worry.

They are doing Jolly Phonics and the Head Teacher did seem to know them all by name on the 2nd day as he said goodbye to them all, so those are positives. Don't get much out of dd but I guess that is normal, but can't say she skips into school like other parent's kid seem to do (if I believe what they say!)

Thanks for the replies, it is making me feel better

[stitch]

my kids go to a school which scores very highly on all the tables. i think its a crap school, but this is an opinion formed after having had a child theri forsix years.
dont despair. perhaps your school is spending more time with the children than producing weekly newsletters?

[hoxtonchick]

ds goes to our local school but was offered a place at a more prestigious one a bit further away a few weeks into term last september (he's just gone into year 1).

dp & i did think seriously about moving him, but are so glad we decided against it. the school we've stuck with is smaller & friendlier & has a fantastic new head. i have lots of friends with kids at the other school, & despite it having a good academic reputation a lot of them don't seem happy.

stick with the courage of your convictions & i'm sure things will turn out ok.

[slondonmum]

Give her time to see if she likes it and if you're happy with the way she's progressing in school (and the attention they're giving her). I have to say, we weren't and we moved our DD this September (after I'd had misgivings all year) and I am so glad I listened to my gut instinct. That said -- you are an entirely different situation and your school's different - keep an open mind; I expect it will be fine. Best of luck anyway.

[twentypence]

Another thing that calms me is working in a private school and seeing the massive difference in the abilities of the children. (it's non selective academically, they do select based on how likely your parents are to buy them a new gym ). Some write worse than my 4 year old ds (I teach year 5) and take ages to copy things off the board.

[ninja]

Well a very sleepless night (I said I was a terrible worryier particularly when decisions have to be made)

We're going to the house of one of dd's friend who goes to the other school, and I know she's going to be raving about it.

I guess the main thing is my dd doesn't know what the other options are and I suppose kids are better then us at making the most of the situation their in.

I do worry that with the same catchment the results were SO much lower - doesn't that suggest something's not right?

[amateurmum]

RE the SATs results at your school - I work at a very successful school with extremely high SATs results. It is a good school but I don't think the children's experience, in SATs years are worth the good results.

In Y6 they spend essentially the whole year being coached for SATs - big chunks of the timetable are ignored in favour of maths, literacy and science and IMO many children are disenchanted and turned off.

For my own children, I would prefer that they had a more rounded experience, even if their SATs results were not so high. Good SATs do not necessarily demonstrate a good education.

[ninja]

Thanks Amateurmum - great name as well, that's how I feel a lot of the time. How can we expect to make all these life changing decisions for our dcs when I can't even decide what to wear in the morning!

Am starting to feel better

[BBBee]

oh ninja - the school sounds lovely - the head knowing their names on the second day shows that she has the priority of making them feel knon and belonging to the school. How lovely.

I think if there was a huge difference between the schools it would have been an obvious choice but it wasn't so have confience and trust in yourself and the decision you made at the outset.

I have lots of friends who went the private route and have a lot of raving about how great the schools are and I did a lot of beating myself up about making the wrong choice but I know in the long run that my children are happy and fine and they learn and there is a lovely atmosphere. I think these things are important.

Oh I am rambling but I think that the choice of having a nieghbour also at the school to share in the school run is a real deal breaker - community, friendship, sharing etc. are very positives things.

Don;t worry.

[ninja]

Thanks Bbee - that's a lovely post.

The other school isn't private, just a church school hence can select by some criteria - I think I was shocked by how different they could be.

You're right the neighbour at the same school has been lovely (although she's like me, agonising over whether she's made the right decision)

[improvingslowly]

A weekly news letter sounds a bit excessive to me. Keep well clear!

I had same dilemma when my dcs starting school - should i try to get them into very 'nice' school in very 'nice' (and very expensive) area, or do to one down the road. We went to local one. It has been excellent decision. They have got on v well, teachers v supportive, friends live nearby.

They would not have done better/been happier/had nicer friends if they had got into the other school. So long as you talk to them and do reading etc dc will be fine.

(NB once you start worrying about their primary school, you can start worrying about secondary...)

[ELR]

dont forget those kids that skip into school are proberbly happy to get away from their pushy mums!!