there are only 3 white boys in my ds' state nursery

[iamnotstressed]

This is a lovely inner city state nursery attached to a generally well regarded school, 3 minutes from our flat. Dh wants us to change him next year for reception and move him to another state primary that is a little bit more mixed, but 25 minutes on foot, would probably have to cycle to make it bearable. My instinct is to leave him where he is, he is very happy where he is, though I think he would be happy anywhere where there are lots of kids running around.
Does being in a minority matter? The priority for me is having a very local school. Anyone in the same situation?

[magnolia74]

I keep re writing my post as it sounds harsh so will scarp it and just say you obviously know that your husband is wrong and so trust your instints and leave him where he is happy!

[magnolia74]

scarp = scrap

[SoupDragon]

So??? What's the problem?

[iamnotstressed]

I really think so, don't understand why he is so prejudiced!!!!

[smeeinit]

whats your dh scared off, the natives running at ds with spears and chanting,or converting ds to muslim?

[Hallgerda]

I'd go with your instinct.

And ask your DH exactly what he's afraid of. The other children in the nursery are hardly going to turn round and notice your son's white and get funny about it when they all start school, after playing happily with him through nursery, are they? The school may well be more mixed than the nursery anyway (not that I think it matters).

[lljkk]

The odds are high that outside of school your DS will end up mixing mostly "with his own kind", anyway. So the nursery experience of other colour people will be a good counterbalance, I'd keep him where he is for sure.

[Hallgerda]

lljkk, why should iamnotstressed's son define "his own kind" in terms of colour?

[iamnotstressed]

I did tell him that he was being racist. The only problem we've had so far is a difficulty in getting kids to come home to play, especially during the summer, and ignoring party invitations. Many families are newly arrived asylum seekers, not very familiar with the english language, but my English was crap when I came over, I learnt it and became familiar with local ways of doing things. The school on the whole is veyr mixed, his particular class isn't!

[smeeinit]

his own kind?
oh i fear this thread is going to kick off..........

[bubblerock]

I would leave him where he is, I can't see that the colour of the pupils should matter at all. I would be a little concerned if my DS was in reception with a majority of non english speaking children, ie if most of his classmates were Polish I would feel that he may be left out in the playground because of his lack of their language and I think this could affect his education.

[iamnotstressed]

my ds' "own kind" is not defined by class and race, thank you very much. I will leave this thread, as I fear it will become nasty. I really wanted to see if there were other parents in similar situation. Thankyou.

[kerala]

Hallgerda yes thats what i dont understand either.

For example my neighbours are pretty awful and I would be nervous if my dd was in a minority in a class full of children brought up by people like them. But nothing to do with colour but personality and outlook. FWIW we and the neighbours are white.

[meemar]

There was a similar thread recently. I basically think that it really really doesn't matter.

These are tiny children, they don't have the issues that we do, unless we make them have those issues.

They will communicate, the children whose first language is not English, will still understand and speak English.

The colour of the skin is irrelevent.

Your child could make loads of friends or none at all, this could happen in a class full of white children too.

Let him stay where he is

[Blu]

iamnotstressed - if you are happy with the school in general - it's teaching, atmosphere, ethos, etc, and your DS is happy and has friends, and proximity is important to you...then yes, of course, leave him there. Maybe your DH is reacting to the dynamic of minority - I think everyone considers the impact of being in a minority of one kind or another, and as someone said on another thread, sometimes that is founded on seeing the treatment meted out ot other minorities - so it's hardl irrational to think twice about a minority status - for anyone. BUT perhaps you could talk this through with your DH - it sounds as if you were a linguistic monority for some of your school time, tell your DH about that etc.

DS is in a racial minority in his class - and the only one with a short leg and big shoe raise...it's all utterly fine and he is deliriously happy at school.

[Hallgerda]

I have three children - all are in classes in which the majority of the pupils are not white. I've just had to check the class photos in order to establish that fact, as it really is not, and has never been, an issue for us or our children. The younger two are at an inner city state primary, the eldest (nearly 13) is at a well-regarded grammar school.

[iamnotstressed]

Does anybody remember teh Child of our time that focused on 5 year olds and race. It basically showed that most white children want to play with other white children and that they thought that non white kids were more likely to be unkind, naughty, etc. If that wasn;t bad enough, it emerged that also most black kids thought the same! This shows that very young kids are picking up on our prejudices.
I hated being in a linguistic minority, I had completely forgotten about that, but I think that that had more to do with me being an anxious child, no self-esteem, etc, and I think that ds has high enough self-esteem to cope with being in a minority.

[Hallgerda]

I didn't see the programme, but I can only say that my children have never expressed any such views, or had any problems with other pupils over being white.

Is there actually a "majority" community in your area? My younger children's primary school had twenty-odd different first languages last time I looked at the statistics (so I may be out of date). If not, then all the pupils and not just the white ones are in some kind of "minority".

[lljkk]

I wasn't defining "own kind" solely in terms of colour. White kids in a mixed-race nursery will probably encounter more social variability of all kinds (wealth, parental occupation, country of origin, etc.) from the other nursery children, than if most or the other nursery children were also white British. I'm saying... kids being in a heavy mix of types of people is a GOOD thing, because parents tend to only mix with people very much like themselves (looking at all social attributes), and some children, if they don't encounter "other" types of people at school, they may not meet them anywhere when they're still children.

[Peachy]

Gloss paint? takes ages to wash off the toehr kids you know

Personally I think you have the right idea- happy in a local school, tell Dh to get with the century

[oliveoil]

I wouldn't want my child to be the only white child in a class and mainly because I wouldn't want them to be left out socially.

There have been threads where a child is excluded due to language or religious beliefs and that would worry me.

[Hallgerda]

Ah, I see, lljkk. I see from your profile, and remember from another thread, that you are American and live in Norfolk. The position is rather different in London - most adults would, I believe, have friends from different places and cultural backgrounds.

oliveoil, it's not clear that iamnotstressed's son is in a religious or language minority, and he is playing happily with the other children at the nursery now.

[seeker]

My dd was one of only two children with posh accents in her year at primary school! How's that for a minority group!


[seeker ducks - then leaves the thread to nit comb the dcs]

[NotAnOtter]

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