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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

DD upset over not getting class bear again

46 replies

vicabc789 · 07/03/2014 17:11

DD is in yr 2. Every week since end of september she has been disappointed for not getting the bear for the weekend. All her best friends have had it. She is a polite well mannered girl, works hard and is in the top groups. I asked at last parents eve what she had to do to get the bear, didn't get much of an answer and still 3 months later, no bear. Supposedly its given out for being the best writer of the week. Now with another parents eve approaching I am wondering if the teacher is not giving it to DD on purpose because I mentioned it before. Feel very sad every friday trying to explain to DD why she hasn't got it. Do I make a fuss at the next parents eve? As a teacher myself I am really questioning the educational value of something which inflicts disappointment week after week.

OP posts:

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D0G · 07/03/2014 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nevergoogle · 07/03/2014 17:14

our bear had a strict schedule of where he'd be on certain dates with each child enjoying the privelege of the company of the mangey, smelly, horrible thing.

vicabc789 · 07/03/2014 17:16

Personally, I'd rather not have it, especially after its been to everyone else's house, by try telling that to DD!

OP posts:

nevergoogle · 07/03/2014 17:32

i'd just have a chat with the teacher. perhaps she could set your daughter a special achievable challenge. i can't imagine the teacher would realise the upset it's causing. must be unintentional.

NeverQuiteSure · 07/03/2014 17:36

Could you do some sort of creative writing task at home this weekend, to be presented at show and tell/in homework books/other spurious opportunity? Doesn't address the underlying issues, but might make for a happy DD...

Technical · 07/03/2014 17:44

It might sound harsh but I think you need to help DD not to care so much rather than try and manipulate things so she does get the bear. Has she been getting other rewards/privileges? Stickers, teacher's helper etc? Emphasise those.

There are what, 30 children in a class and 38 weeks in the school year? I am almost certain that everyone will get a turn but obviously some are going to have to wait.

And yes, a number of the teachers I work with would put her to the bottom of the list if mum asked and you wouldn't want to think she'd only got it because of you pushing for it, would you?

runningonwillpower · 07/03/2014 17:45

This is the problem with motivational strategies. Some children respond, some don't and some place a great deal of store by them.

I would be very surprised if every member of the class doesn't get to have the bear at some point.

We're only just over half-way through the year.

Her time will come.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 07/03/2014 17:46

we had terrible problems with this - the bear is supposed to go home with the child who has been the best behaved and produced the best work. so DD1 came home for months on end with tales of how it had gone home with the most talkative and naughty child, the one who trashed the classroom, the one who spent the lessons distracting everyone and so on... honestly I don't know why they bother with all these things, all it does is cause problems. (and no I don't like having some mucky toy for a weekend either)

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/03/2014 17:49

Isn't it just one of those things that goes to everyone?

Are you sure there's conditions attached?

Lilly20again · 07/03/2014 17:51

I hate the bear, I also have one of those children who really cares. It seems favouritism in our class, but then teacher is obvious about her favourites.

MikeLitoris · 07/03/2014 17:52

Thank god dd's school doesn't do this anymore! Although when it was a thing it was never based on academics. They made a schedule and everyone got a turn.

vicabc789 · 07/03/2014 17:56

Every week the child is chosen who has made good progress with their writing. DD feels then she is not making progress if shes not getting the bear! I admit I am probably getting over emotional about the whole thing and what you have all said makes sense - but DD and I are sensitive and I hate seeing her upset. What you say Technical is very true and thanks nonicknameseemsavailable for your input - its nice to know im not the only one. I wish schools would either use alphabetical order or don't bother with the whole thing - who needs more pressure at the weekend anyway?!

OP posts:

pictish · 07/03/2014 17:57

Don't make a fuss. Your daughter will get a shot...there is months of school to go before the term ends for summer.
She'll just have to wait her turn.

Jollyb · 07/03/2014 18:04

Well given that there are probably 30 children in her class and there have only been about 22 school weeks since September there is still time.

vickibee · 07/03/2014 18:09

It is painful having to fill out the blooming diary thing that goes with it. It seems like a comp to see who can take the most exciting photos

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 07/03/2014 18:10

Ours do it as names out of a hat so it's just luck of the draw. As she isn't the only one not to have had it yet I wouldn't mention it. If you get to the May half term and your fairly certain everyone else but her has had it then say something.

dizzyday07 · 07/03/2014 19:08

At DD's old infant school whoever was chosen as Star of the Week got to class bear for the weekend. As others have said, everybody eventually gets their week but it is hard on those who have to wait further into the year.

I did query with DD's teacher once as children were getting it for a second time whilst she hadn't got it once and the teacher had made an oversight and hadn't realised she had missed DD out!

AugustRose · 07/03/2014 19:27

I wouldn't worry I'm sure she will get her turn. In the meantime think yourself lucky, the comments/pictures/adventures in our bear book became ridiculous with some children covering several pages.

We had a bear exactly the same at home so as DD2 was quite clingy in nursery the staff would give her their bear to hug when she was upset. Last year (when she was in year 1) the nursery had a clear out and there was the bear with no home - so guess who got it!!! I did give it a good clean and she now sleeps with both the bears every night.

AllergyMums · 08/03/2014 20:58

We had the bear and a book to write up 'the bears adventures' in. You can't imagine the wonderful weekends that bear had... the photo's from fabulous places... the trips out...the friends for sleepovers....

I know how you feel. I'm sure everyone will get a go. Hard as it is someone has to be last.

RedandChecker · 08/03/2014 21:03

My DS class have a bear. Every child gets the bear, regardless of achievement it just works equally.

Doing this based on writing ability etc is outrageous.

EverythingCounts · 08/03/2014 21:07

DS's class don't have a bear, thankfully, but the same thing happened with star of the week till he got it last month. There is another thread about that which has many people voicing the same feelings that you are here. Personally I don't give a toss about being thought a pushy parent and would ask the teacher if they could maybe talk about the bear to the class as currently your DD is interpreting not getting the bear as not doing good enough work.

ipadquietly · 08/03/2014 21:09

We have an award for keeping rules. If a child keeps the rules, they may get the award several times a year. If a child doesn't keep the rules, they don't get the award. We aim to model good behaviour.

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Mum1369 · 08/03/2014 21:11

Oh the bloody bear!!! We had the same problem with DS 2. To be honest I got fed up with it, he was very upset and was working hard, he wasn't as bright as some of his peers and I just felt that he was being missed as his work wasn't shining out, even though the teacher agreed he was making a big effort
I know it's up to the teacher but quite frankly I just asked her outright to give him the bear as we were going on a special weekend and I thought it would be useful to encourage him to write about the trip
When I got the book, I think every kid in his class had had the bear and some more than once
The 'lovely' teacher, gave him the bear and announced to the class he was only getting it because he was going on a trip
Nice

kimlo · 08/03/2014 21:14

in dd2s class the person who has had the bear talks about what they have done with it and chooses someone who hasnt had the bear yet to take it home. When she had it for some reason this didnt happen and she didnt get to talk about it and the teacher just gave it to someone. She was really disappointed!

She does get the best behaviour award quiet a bit though, and she never knows why shes got it. I think it might be because she a bit naughty.

Kaekae · 08/03/2014 21:45

So glad we don't get a bear home in year 2. Although my DD is in nursery so we still get a smelly dreaded bear home. I hate these sort of incentives anyway because there are hardworking children who simply go under the raider and this sort of thing just makes them feel worthless.

At my sons last school I was constantly told he was hard working and a model pupil but yet he not once got a golden award certificate, even on the last day of reception he thought it was finally his turn....but no. He was so disappointed and said to me " do I have to be naughty to the golden award because xxx is and he has had it three times" Wish some teachers would realise that rewards and incentives need to be fair and consistent but most of the time they aren't.

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