Looking for some advice from teachers RE: DS, possible ADHD and issues in class

[Kyrptonite]

Before the summer holidays I took 4 year old DS to the dr's as we were concerned about ADHD. The dr observed him for 5 minutes and rather speedily sent off a referral to CAMHS who refused to follow it up.
I contacted the school before he started and explained all of this and they reassured me that if they noticed anything they would follow it up with a SENCO.

So far DS has been sent out of 3 lessons that I know of, parents evening the teacher said he will randomly make stupid noises when others are talking, fidgets a lot and talks out of turn. She said his listening skills need a lot of work as well. He doesn't participate in PE unless he wants to and will just run about otherwise.

DS seems physically incapable of listening. He cannot do eye contact for more than a second. He can't focus on a conversation for too long and will forget almost immediately what has been said. He can however remember things that happened before his second birthday with alarming detail which is a bit odd!

I understand that he may just be naughty spirited but if he's not then I feel I need to get him support before he is just labelled a brat and left to flounder. He can read a bit, add and subtract numbers up to 20 and has remarkable logic and reasoning (nursery said this i'm not stealh boasting!) so I know that he's not behind yet he can't focus. He will do anything to avoid his reading book, homework or key words. The only thing that he will focus on is computer type games or art.

Can I ask that a teacher involves a SENCO? If they rule out ADHD then fine I can work with the school to come up with strategies to help his behaviour. If it is ADHD then they can support him to get the best out of school. I found an assessment for teachers online and have debated in desperation sticking it in his book bag with a note asking if she could fill it in for me to take to the Dr's and try and get an assessment actually carried out.

We thought DS would thrive at school. He loved nursery and learning until he got bored because he had done everything. Now he's telling me he will be sick tomorrow and should have a day off school. He hates it and I'm rambling now out of sheer confusion as to how to help him!

If anyone can advise me then I would be forever in your debt!

[Lara2]

I do feel for you. Coming out of negative parents' evenings is so demoralising. Did his teacher actually tell you what they are doing to help your DS? He's a 4 year old boy - why is he being sent out? I still have several children in my Year R class who won't participate in PE - young and not confident enough yet. I suspect that CAMHS wouldn't follow up because he is still only 4 - that's very young and he has a lot of maturing to do. There are tons of behaviour techniques that you could use to help and the teacher could also use. Dr Christopher Green has fantastic tips for ADHD children which work with any child really.
In your shoes I would be making an appointment with the SENCO directly and talking through your concerns. Have a look at the new EYFS curriculum and see where you think your DS falls in the age bands. Is he age appropriate? (Remember it's best fit, not ticking off everything in a description)
What really jumps out at me from your post is that his teacher seemed to tell you everything that was wrong, but offered no support or told you what they planned to put in place to help him. Ask the SENCO and be politely firm about what you want.
Good luck!

[Ett36]

request a meeting with senco. if that gets nowhere ask to see the head. parents evenings should always be positive and areas to develop. not just one or the other. Good luck

[Kyrptonite]

I work in a nursery so fortunately know the EYFS back to front from doing my reviews DS is at 40-60+ in everything. He's been writing etc since he was 3 so I'm not sure if he's a bit bored as they're learning to form letters now and he already does. He has a tendency to get really into doing something once then not seeing the point of doing it again once he's completed the task.

I don't know who the senco is its a really small school with 4 teachers one of whom is the head. The class teacher seems lovely. She said that the majority of the class have listening issues yet she has not taken any other parents aside at the end of the day to say their DC has been disruptive and ask how they're disciplined at home! Apparently they're putting DS in time out at school.

I did think of contacting the LA to see if they can put me in touch with who the SENCO is for the school. I don't want it to seem like I'm slating the teacher though as it's only her second year in the job and from the weekly plan she sends home seems to have some brilliant ideas.

[Periwinkle007]

I would just ask the teacher who the SENCO is as you would like their advice too.

To be honest out of your post the only thing that would make me consider there might be a real problem is the eye contact issue BUT in a child of that age the rest of it isn't unusual. I am surprised they are sending him out but I suppose it depends what their discipline procedures are (in our school it is a star if good and planet/worse planet if naughty type system and there are plenty of children who have gone on the planet already this term for not listening, for messing around and so on. I wouldn't have thought it sounded ADHD personally.

It sounds much more to me like a little boy who is bright, bored, potentially not dealing too well with the change of environment or finding it more easy than he found preschool because they are still settling them in, who possibly just needs to learn the rules and behaviour required in the classroom. It doesn't sound worrying.

And don't be so sure the teacher hasn't spoken to other parents, unless she has told you that then she might well have done.

I really wouldn't worry there is something wrong with him yet. Find out what their discipline type procedure is, try to follow the same at home (assuming it is logical) so that there is consistency with the messages he is being sent and see how he gets on. I would also though suggest cutting down slightly on any computer games as if a child does struggle with concentration or ADHD then they can make them worse. Everything in moderation but perhaps reduce time spent on it if there is the possibility it is too much.

He really doesn't sound like he has a problem to me, just a bright lively boy who has yet to learn the rules in his new environment.

hope all this comes across properly, it is horrible to be worrying about how to help your child.

[Kyrptonite]

Screen time has been dramatically reduced. He's allowed ten minutes on my kindle or his leapster after dinner and will occasionally play half hour of skylanders with DP at the weekend.

I ask him why he's been sent out and he can tell me exactly what he's done. I ask why he did it and he just says his brain told him to. Today he told me he was punched in the face by another child. He has a red mark on his face yet no one mentioned it to DP at pick up time. DS also said he kicked the child for punching him but there's been nothing from the school. (Perhaps expecting too much here after 2 years of signing incident/ accidents daily during DS' nursery days!)

At home he can be 'normal' for ages then will switch. He can be aggressive, will get rage to the point he is shaking with anger, his eyes glass over and he has completely manic moments where nothing can get through to him. He will interrupt constantly, doesn't stop talking and cannot be still. It's like having 2 completely different children. I tried disciplining him by confiscating toys but by the time I go to give them back he's long forgotten I had them so it's pointless. Time outs don't work as he won't stay there, I can't physically restrain him for the entire time out as he's bloody strong and I would hurt him ( Not deliberately!)

His harvest assssmbly was the other day. He was the only child out of 50 that had to be spoken to by the teacher. He was fidgeting, spinning in circles, tucking his jumper into his trousers. Everything but joining in singing with the other children

[cansu]

I think I would phone school and ask who senco is and say you would like to discuss your ds with them. It may well be the headteacher in a small school. Tell them you are concerned he may have more issues than just being naughty or immature. Ask them to monitor him and to keep you informed of any problems. Maybe set another meeting up for after Christmas to discuss whether he is improving or not. At the same time keep a note of what is happening at home. When and if you do end up back at the doctors you will then have plenty of info to share.

[Kyrptonite]

I think school are sick of me tbh. I had to write them an email after DS came out of school 3 times caked in shit that nobody had apparently noticed. Then when they did notice the TA bought him out separately at home time clearly waving the bag of dirty clothes around and saying the staff could smell him this time

I know he could just be being naughty. But I don't like the fact that my son is coming home saying he hates school, cries because he misses me and has no friends. He cried when he was sent out of class yet it didn't stop him misbehaving so that tactic isn't working it's just causing more disruption to the class. I don't want his or his classmates learning to be constantly interrupted but I'm wary of pissing the school of too much when he's still in the first term!

[stopthecavalry]

Is there any scope for returning to the docs and asking for a referral to a Paediatrician rather than CAMHS? If your boy is unhappy something should be done. Been there to some extent. Bit of a nightmare really. He may grow out of the behaviour he may not.

[stopthecavalry]

Is there any scope for returning to the docs and asking for a referral to a Paediatrician rather than CAMHS? If your boy is unhappy something should be done. Been there to some extent. Bit of a nightmare really. He may grow out of the behaviour he may not.

[Kyrptonite]

He's been referred to a paediatrician for his bowel issues. The appointment is in a fortnight. I'm going to have to take him to the Drs next week and see what they suggest. Today he was excluded from parachute games for kicking other children (this is what DS says. Teacher hasn't spoken to me) and I understand he needs to know his behaviour isn't acceptable. I just don't see why they can't try and support him to behave properly. I asked him what the best bit of school was. Apparently none of it except home time

[stopthecavalry]

We saw a Paediatrician about behavioural issues so it may be that you could use that appointment to raise some of those issues too. At our appointment the paed was able to rule out asd and offered to test for adhd but ds wasn't really showing symptoms. Could you give the paediatrician a heads up that you may also want to raise these issues?

[Kyrptonite]

I hadnt thought of that tbh. I will mention it at the appointment. Apparently soiling pants can be a sign of ADHD so it might all be interlinked.

[stopthecavalry]

All the best

[stopthecavalry]

All the best for the appointment in 2 weeks. Perhaps if you take in a written summary of the school/behaviour issues it might help.

[Kyrptonite]

DS's school have an open day tomorrow so I'll be able to see what he's like in class.
I'm actually dreading it but at least then I'll be able to say to the teacher "well I saw DS doing X and I wondered if perhaps we can ask the SENCO to have a look at his behavior" rather than going in saying DS said this happened.