I know this is bad.... one off..

(71 Posts)
xxslkxx Fri 04-Oct-13 00:50:34

I know this post is bad before I write it, however I hope you understand a little before you say Im wrong! My son is in Yr 1, has been struggling, so recently I started a new plan (six weeks in now). Extra hour of writing and reading after school everyday, started new extracurricular activities, made a huge effort - to the point his teachers have noticed! Am so so happy with him, rewards everyweek and moved up two levels. Taken a LOT of work from him, I have signed up to lots of sites for hand writing and reading help etc.
Basically he is doing amazing and I want to reward him. I have an amazing day planned for him but it will mean a day missed from school whichI feel awful about.My husbamd says get. Life as his attendance is always 100% and one reward in the year when he is had such a marked improvement is allowable. I know he wont miss any important work but feel bad lying (yes I know this is pathetic!) Just dont know if I should?

AmberGamble Fri 04-Oct-13 08:25:42

As a teacher I would agree with those who say you are going over the top with the after school stuff. It's not sustainable and too much for a child that age. It is excellent to hear of parents who are supporting their children at home, makes an enormous difference to a child's success but in moderation.
I can't stress enough how wrong a message you are sending by rewarding your child for his efforts by taking a day off school. As a teacher I would be mightily unimpressed. You have decided be needs the extra work at home and you have made him do it. Now you are rewarding it with taking time off school. What if he masters his spellings each week, 1/2 day off, or starts keeping his bedroom tidy - a few days off for that?

Clearly you have made your mind up and just want approval but you won't be getting it from here. Sorry!

valiumredhead Fri 04-Oct-13 08:30:36

An hour after school a day is way ott! And mixed messages about taking him out of school. Totally unnecessary.

tiggytape Fri 04-Oct-13 08:34:25

I agree with most others.
It is a crazy idea and very confusing for him - the reward for doing well and trying hard at school is ..... to miss school!

Like giving him a huge bag of jelly babies if he brushes his teeth everyday.

And it won't just be you lying. Won't it spoil his treat knowing he cannot mention it at school like a guilty secret because otherwise they are going to know it was an unauthorised absence? They probably won't fine you for a one off but they won't appreciate you lying to sneak him off for a treat right before half term.

beanandspud Fri 04-Oct-13 08:41:34

I'm sorry, I'm with the others who say that it sends very mixed messages.

Even if you're not asking DS to lie about where he's been you're almost certainly encouraging DS to be 'economical with the truth' about what he's doing on his day off.

Murdermysteryreader Fri 04-Oct-13 08:59:07

You are sending incorrect messages. By giving your child IMO too much extra work and then rewarding him with a day off school - you are in effect saying school isn't great - a treat is a day away from school. This is a very detrimental message- Also modelling lying to the school and maybe asking your child to keep quiet teaches dubious morals. A reward for good work should be something that he can be proud of and talk about. Please think about wht you are doing. If I was yr child's teacher I'd be annoyed he had missed lessons. You are not doing him any favours and think about the precedent you are setting up. Ie extra work equals time off school!!!

pinkdelight Fri 04-Oct-13 09:05:12

Yet another who thinks this is very confusing. Of all the rewards in the world, why choose one that involves missing school? It's almost like you think you're home educating him - he's done all those hours at home so you can choose how to use his school hours. It doesn't work like that. Missing school should not be seen as a reward.

claraschu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:07:48

I took my son out of school for two weeks and we went on a trip (school listed it as temporarily educated off site). He learned to write while we were away because I spent an hour or two working with him every day. The teachers were amazed by his progress.

I think it is fine to take kids out of school, though. There are many ways to learn. Unfortunately, you have to lie, because of the system. Call in sick, but do it on a Friday, so teacher and your son will have forgotten by Monday.

tiggytape Fri 04-Oct-13 09:13:42

clara - the law changed in September - what you did last term or several years ago would not now be allowed so OP would have to lie if she wanted to take him off for the day.
That means her DS will have to lie too (or be told not to talk about his treat). Which makes it much less of a treat if it is something he knows could cause upset with the school and the school think is 'wrong.' Most kids care about things like that.

It won't feel like much of a treat if he misses stuff at school and puts his foot in it about where he went when he was 'off sick'

pinkdelight Fri 04-Oct-13 09:14:00

Sounds like it can't be on a Friday though as it's this very specific thing and she's already mentioned her DS going into school the day after. I think 'temporarily educated off site' is a very different scenario. This isn't that - it's a treat, which as others say is a message that undermines the OP's whole mission. I think the title says it all 'I know this is bad'. It is, you know it, but it sounds like you're still going to do it. Great example.

Blu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:15:57

It sounds as if his success is a reward in itself - which is the most important thing, really and magnificent that you have achieved it. It is far better if children work towards intrinsic rewards rather than extrinsic. In future, will he only work hard if you offer to take him somewhere nice as a reward?

You and he have obviously worked hard and well - and as you have made it fun, does he actually feel he needs a reward?

I know I said 'take him out' further down, but if you do i would not actually tell him it is as a direct reward for his extra work or improvement.

To be honest it sounds as if it is YOU who are most wanting to celebrate with an event - and indeed you deserve a big pat on the back.

claraschu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:16:48

I feel that there is more to education than going to school, a lot more.

This is the message I want to give my children, which I hope will help them when school is boring, exam-obsessed, or petty.

I want my children to fall in love with whatever subjects really interest them, and figure out how to function well in daily life (taking exams, getting along with lots of different people, etc) without losing their sense of perspective.

claraschu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:21:02

I didn't realise that it couldn't happen on a Friday. I agree that the work is its own reward; I just think a day away from school is an educational opportunity (as well as fun).

Sorry my last post is a bit of an annoying rant and a reaction to people saying that taking kids out of school sends a message that education isn't important. I really don't agree, as I think parents can show they value education in lots of different ways.

MissStrawberry Fri 04-Oct-13 09:21:11

"In future it won't happen n school time."

So it is possible to do it on a weekend or half term?

The problem with lying to the school about why he is off that day is you are asking him to lie too. Either by telling him not to tell his teacher he went to X or he wasn't ill and putting it on him to deal with uncomfortable questions if they ask him how he is now.

One day is always said as it doesn't matter. I just don't think it is justified and definitely sending mixed messages.

Blu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:23:22

OTOH, if it is a day / event that you would want him to go to even if he hadn't been working after school, and which will benefit him, then just go, for the value of the trip itself, rather than as a reward, and tell the school what you are doing. They will mark it as unauthorised - very unlikely that you will get fined.

CaptainSweatPants Fri 04-Oct-13 09:27:51

Hate all the cloak & dagger stuff
Tell us what the activity us so we can judge properly !

Why not just home educate?

mumofthemonsters808 Fri 04-Oct-13 09:29:53

There is more to education than going to school but it is the law of the land that your child attends school. When you were offered the school place you agreed to the school policies and one of them is full attendance. The only exception is illness, you can not pick and choose when he attends under the banner of "enhancing his education". Perhaps home schooling would have been more suited to your viewpoint, but no you choose to take the school place but are now making the rules up as you go along.

I'm stepping away from this thread because it's making me angry.

valiumredhead Fri 04-Oct-13 09:34:07

There IS more to school, I would be the first to agree and usually I am the first one on these threads to say 'yeah, have the day off, go on holiday during term time, let them try and fine me etc' BUT your reasoning is bonkers quite frankly. You are hot housing your child, and an hour extra homework a day is way ott and not sustainable ime and then to reward your ds you want to take him out of the place you are trying so hard to impress. Eh? confused

MrsOakenshield Fri 04-Oct-13 09:34:24

I agree with a PP who says that his success should be the reward in itself - overdo the rewarding and you may end up with a child who will only do the work in order to get the reward.

I wouldn't do it - it sounds like he is getting plenty of rewards anyway - in fact, I would backpedal the whole thing.

Chocotrekkie Fri 04-Oct-13 09:39:10

How can you judge what he will miss at school.?

My daughter missed a day last year due to illness and missed the start of a new maths topic. She struggled to catch up and it took quite a lot of extra work from us for her to understand it.

If your child is struggling anyway do you really want to put this pressure on him of sitting in school the next day struggling to catch up ?

Also interested in what sort of treat for children can you only take children to during school hours - sounds like a place with a dodgy business model to me !!

claraschu Fri 04-Oct-13 09:58:19

I really feel that children can thrive in school, and be very respectful of teachers, even though their parents tell them that the school system is not ideal, teachers are not infallible, and it is sometimes ok to take a day off. It all depends on the family's attitude to education.

Floggingmolly Fri 04-Oct-13 10:05:13

He puts in an extra hour per night (just how behind was he?) and his reward is a day off school? hmm

FunnyRunner Fri 04-Oct-13 10:10:51

OP this thread was never going to end well grin

As an absolute one off I would do it, if you really, really can't do it any other time, even in holidays. But like others I would be careful that your son doesn't get too tired with all the afterschool work - you might find if he has caught up that you can do the extra work two or three hours a week rather than five, or else spend an hour on a Saturday or Sunday. As long as it is fun stuff and he's enjoying it you're probably doing fine smile

(I'm a teacher but for older kids.)

notso Fri 04-Oct-13 10:12:31

DS1's friends parents are always 'booking' days off for birthday trips, holidays, getting Alton Towers tickets in The Sun etc no one at school seems to bat an eyelid.
On the other hand Dd however blames our one off term time family holiday four years ago for the reason she doesn't get decimals.

AlmightyCitrus Fri 04-Oct-13 10:21:08

Where is the day out? Depending on what you have planned you might be able to pass it off as "Educational". I got my DD1 an authorised day off for a day in London to see an exhibition , as we managed to tenuously link it to the topic she was doing in school.

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