Has anyone done state till eight?

(140 Posts)
lifesobeautiful Tue 10-Sep-13 20:27:46

My DH and I are currently trying to decide what schooling route to take - state or private. I wondered if anyone had tried the state till eight thing - and if so how did it go? I also wondered if I could hear from anyone who was privately educated, but decided to send their kids to state schools - and how they found that.

I seem to be going round and round in circles! One minute thinking we should try the little local state school, then thinking no because of no playing fields etc (we're in central london). Then thinking yes, because we'll have more money for holidays and he'll meet a more diverse social crowd...then changing my mind..AARRRGH.

Any experiences/thoughts would be gratefully received.

DontmindifIdo Tue 10-Sep-13 21:08:11

OP - i know 2 families who planned to do this, both got their DCs in outstanding state schools, they settled, made friends and did well, so took a "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" attitude and ended up leaving them there.

OhBuggerandArse Tue 10-Sep-13 21:12:01

I want mine to get that magic self confidence/esteem they only get from the private system

I hope you're not confusing that ^^ with the unpleasant and arrogant sense of superiority and entitlement I am currently witnessing among this years batch of ex-private school freshers.

FoundAChopinLizt Tue 10-Sep-13 21:12:40

Artijoke

She did say inner worth. The thread is about whether to switch to private education or not, so a discussion about the perceived merits of either system is likely. I don't think inner worth is something that has anything to do with private schooling.

Fwiw, I went private until eight, then went to a state school which was achieving better results than the private one. I got the same results as my privately educated brothers. I don't see the advantage of private education if there is a good comprehensive available.

friday16 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:15:06

The more engaged and well educated parents who use the state system, the better the system will be for all,

Tragedy of the Commons

Prisoner's Dilemma

EmeraldJeanie Tue 10-Sep-13 21:18:36

Abra.. leaving in year 5 just before SATs year? Hard on the state school you are leaving....

kangarooshoes Tue 10-Sep-13 21:19:01

Yes, and I believed that strongly.

Before I had a child.

And I still believe that, but find it hard to be altruistic and idealistic at the expense of my beloved child.

I'm just honest, and if you look at how many people support moving into a "better" catchment (something I actually wouldn't and won't do).

Yes, I believe people should do the best they can for their family, and their child, in line with their own conscience. I'm not going to condemn anyone who decides to put their child in state school, and then move them at eight. Or, who, as I initially thought, makes their child use a slate until they write neatly...

To OP, kids deal with change better than we think. Why not give the local school a go, and see? That's the decision we came to.

noddyholder Tue 10-Sep-13 21:21:28

I went to private as did do and our ds went to state and is way more confident and wordly than we were as are all his mates. They are confident and chatty and generally interesting and engaged. This sort of thing comes from the parents and the general home life. If you teach your kids that you are hoping to buy them a personality you are on a slippery slope

louby44 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:22:05

I can't quite believe what I've just read! I'm a teacher (primary) in a state school, live in the North West. Went to a state school as do my own two DS currently.

Is this what people worry about who have money and live in the South? I am amazed and shocked, I can't even put it into words....?

noddyholder Tue 10-Sep-13 21:22:06

dp not do

Bowlersarm Tue 10-Sep-13 21:23:20

Why are you outraged louby44?

lifesobeautiful Tue 10-Sep-13 21:23:21

Thanks so much everyone. I had never thought about the impact on the school of leaving at 8, so thank you for bringing it to light. A lot to consider. Although I have to confess that I don't think that I'm a big enough person to think more about the school and community than what's best for my child...which sounds awful but I suspect when it comes down to it is true.

In terms of the self-confidence mentioned, my DH, a solicitor who was fully state-educated has always said that he's noticed that those privately educated seem to possess more confidence.

I now have even MORE to think about than before. But thank you.

lifesobeautiful Tue 10-Sep-13 21:24:39

And thank you Kangaroo - I think that sounds like a good idea.

noddyholder Tue 10-Sep-13 21:25:17

This is interesting as my best friends kids were privately educated and struggled at university with making friends etc.

lifesobeautiful Tue 10-Sep-13 21:27:03

And Don'tmindifIdo that would be good!

melodyangel Tue 10-Sep-13 21:27:59

DH went to private schools he certainly didn't come out with an inner glow and neither did his friends. They all refuse to send their children to private school.

I would consider it if we could afford it but I went to an awful state school. Dh says over his dead body.

I would second what others have said about making sure you are really able to afford it as once you start on that road it is very difficult to change back with out feeling you are letting your child down, I don't believe you are if you have to move back to the state sector but I'm sure you would feel like you were.

We have friends that have chilren in private schools and it is crippling them financially. Go look at all the schools and decide which feels right, you will know what will work for you and your child.

Hope it all works out for you OP.

Runningchick123 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:30:07

The OPs main only concern is for her own child. Why would the OP be concerned about the state school having a different child take the place if her child leaves at 8?
It isn't even logical to expect the OP to be concerned about the schools loss of her chid at the age of 8. It's a school, they have plenty of other chidren to worry about.
The OP should do what she feels is right for her child and choose the school that suits him best. I would think its best to go with the most suitable option from reception but people move schools all the time for various reasons.

noddyholder Tue 10-Sep-13 21:30:46

I think if you can afford it easily and don't have to scrimp on other areas then its fine. Most kids at these schools have lots of extra curricular activities which cost and come from families where nice holidays etc are the norm. If you are scraping together the fees they won't get the full experience. The most educated and moneyed of my friends who were private as kids don't entertain it.

pootlebug Tue 10-Sep-13 21:32:23

I went private for most of secondary. DH went private from age 7.

Our kids go to the local state school (in London...no playing fields). Because we think them being educated in the community in which they live, rather than an elite bubble, is very important.

dinnermoneyready Tue 10-Sep-13 21:33:23

Agree with other posters - the legacy it leaves for the state primary in terms of funding, Sats results etc is a real problem. Personally, I think 'state til 8' is an awful concept - if you want your kids to go private, then send them from the start and leave local schools to those who are committed to them and the community that surrounds them.

Mintyy Tue 10-Sep-13 21:41:36

But if you have plenty of money then why not go private all the way through? If the ultimate goal is for your precious child to to finish off their education in an elitist and privilidged institution, what is the thinking behind allowing them to slum it in a bog standard state primary with all the riff raff up to the age of 8?

I must be missing something.

kangarooshoes Tue 10-Sep-13 21:42:58

For a lot of people, the community in which they live IS an "elite bubble". Moving to a better catchment is just as much buying an education as going private, and actually, I think it's worse, as at least good private schools offer scholarships.

You can't get a scholarship from a "bad" catchment to a "good" one.

I would imagine people think of "state 'til eight", not because they want to screw up SATs or whatever, but because that's when Prep schools take from. I think it's more a problem that SATs are not fit for purpose, and should be scrapped. If we're making the move to private for secondary, I shall be taking mine out before SATs, as I think they are dreadful for children to be forced to do. I will try my best to ensure mine doesn't sit them even if we stay in the state system. And I am VERY committed to my community, and our primary. I just strongly object to SATs, and if enough parents voted by ensuring their child didn't do them, they'd have to scrap them.

So "you'll mess up SATs results" is a pretty poor argument IMO.

louby44 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:43:19

I didn't say I was outraged. Didn't use that word. Just as a Northerner I have never heard the term before 'state till eight'. I am shocked that that is what people do!

I have no problem with people choosing private education over state - if I had the money then maybe I might consider it.

I just can't believe people would use the state system and then cast it aside when they no longer needed/wanted it, taking up a much needed place that another child could use for ALL of their time in primary school.

It just seems very selfish to me. If you want to educate your child privately then you have a choice, but people who cannot afford the private route do not have that choice. You however can take that state place, thus reducing the amount of places for people who genuinely need a primary school place.

If you're going to go private, do it from the start!

kangarooshoes Tue 10-Sep-13 21:45:02

Perhaps because you don't believe that state school is "slumming" it? Lots of inverted snobbery here, from people willing to do anything underhand (like move purely for school) to get their kids out of "bad" schools and in to "good" ones, but judging those who are honest about it.

noddyholder Tue 10-Sep-13 21:45:47

I know people who have done it. Its a financial thing greedy imo and these people do not give a toss about the community as they also moved straight out of catchment once they didn't need it!I agree with those who say pay from the start if you believe £ gives you the ready break glow

lifesobeautiful Tue 10-Sep-13 21:46:25

At the moment we would definitely have to reduce spending in other areas in order to send our DS (who's currently 2.5) to private school (and our newly born DD). We do lead what I'd describe as a comfortable life at the moment, a large house (though not in a great area), lots of foreign holidays, I don't work, don't worry about bills. But my DH is doing better and better as his position in his firm gets stronger. But I don't ever want to be in a position where we're terrified of bills because of having to pay private school fees.

Yes pootlebug, hate the idea of an elite bubble. I was fully privately educated and come from I suppose would be described as an upper middle class background (unlike my DH), and I have some relatives who are horribly elitist and arrogant. I don't want that for my children.

It's so hard making these kind of decisions on behalf of your kids. I just want them to be happy and have a good life.

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