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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Calling all parents of Y4 boys..

40 replies

TheSmallPrint · 30/04/2013 10:52

Please tell me that the attitude, answering back, ignoring me completely and general disregard of EVERYTHING will be gone in the next couple of months. Please!

He was such a lovely bright and gentle child who worked hard and did his best. I don't know where he's gone.

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 30/04/2013 12:21

(Holds hand).

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NickNacks · 30/04/2013 12:24

I fear we are just entering this stage too. Lots of huffing and tutting which I have zero tolerance for.

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Notquitegrownup · 30/04/2013 12:27

Mum of a Y5 and a Y8 here. I remember this feeling. Cheer up, he will be back, but then he will disappear off from time to time to do some more growing up, leaving a rather grumpier version of himself behind. Eventually you will have a tall, hunky stranger in your house, who doesn't have to stand on the settee to hug you, and who can reach the top shelf to pass things to you.

(Mind you, there's teenage to get through first)

I found that DH came in a lot handier from Y4 onwards. Steve Wotsisname says that boys listen to dads from age 8 onwards. I didn't believe him until mine turned 8.

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Farewelltoarms · 30/04/2013 13:11

Oh god, it's the complete inability to follow basic instructions. 'Please put your dirty pants, socks and shirt in the laundry and leave your fleece and trousers down here for tomorrow'. 'Please pack your football stuff'. 'Please choose your own snack for after-school.' None of them get done and then we have all the recriminations and nagging and blame (which works both ways).

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TheSmallPrint · 30/04/2013 13:39

Thanks for the hand holding, yy to all of thr above.

Honestly after last nights episode of trying to get 20 minutes of homework done I feel like running away from it all. I don't like who it's making me IYKWIM? It's like raising a sulky zombie isn't it.

Notquite I have told his dad that he is going to have to take over the homework as I can't stand it anymore , but I fear he will no more listen to dad than he does me.

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Picturesinthefirelight · 30/04/2013 13:42

Unfortunately we've been struggling for years.

He is bright and loving but can't follow instructions and doesn't work at school. He's going to be assessed for ADHD/asoergerish. I hope it gets sorted before secondary as I want my little boy to be happy and he isn't.

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itsnothingoriginal · 30/04/2013 13:43

Notquitegrownup Gives me hope

Yr 4 boy here too but he's been like this for quite a few years now. I sometimes think maybe the teenage years will be a pleasant surprise if he's got it all out of his system by then!

We had to go back to rewards and tokens a little while back as his rudeness and aggression got so bad. Seems like it coincides with growth spurts. He can be just amazing when he's calm and in a good mood - a real Jekyll and Hyde my DS!

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spanky2 · 30/04/2013 13:45

Same here.

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itsnothingoriginal · 30/04/2013 13:46

My DS can't follow instructions either Picturesinthefirelight - he has a mild auditory processing disorder. He can't spell and finds numeracy very difficult too. A lot of his attitude comes from finding school very hard work!

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Lizzylou · 30/04/2013 13:51

Not just mine then?
Phew!

DS1 has always been the compliant, helpful one. Goodness help me when DS2 gets in to Y4!

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exexpat · 30/04/2013 13:52

If by 'next couple of months' you mean 'next three or four or five years' then yes, in my DS's case.

He was pretty horrible to have around quite a lot of the time from age 9 to about age 12, but is now 14 and lovely most of the time. His bedroom is still a tip, but he does help out with stuff around the house when asked, and sometimes even when not asked (eg when I am ill).

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Picturesinthefirelight · 30/04/2013 13:53

He can follow complicated diagrams to make Lego models and he's off the scale for literacy (enrichment group) but won't write, is totally obsessive and has meltdowns if things don't go his way.

He doesn't concentrate when you tell him things, his eyes are darting all over the place and he gets distracted and distracts others at school verve not had an easy few years. His drench teacher all but called him a little g** at parents evening (she used a slightly different phrase but we knew what she meant.

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itsnothingoriginal · 30/04/2013 14:00

Wow - you could be describing my DS there too Pictures - great reader, no writing etc although for some reason is quiet and no problem in school.

Currently his entire conversation is about Lego star wars

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TheSmallPrint · 30/04/2013 14:01

exexpat don't say that!!!! You're meant to be reassuring me even if it's a blatant lie , now I really want to run away!

Lizzylou yes DS1 is the 'good' one in our house, DS2 is already copying his brother and he's only 5.

Pictures that sounds like hard work. FC it gets sorted sooner rather than later.

I have tried bribery, shouting, black mail and reason but nothing is working on him. Anyone got any tips on things that did work?

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TheSmallPrint · 30/04/2013 14:02

itsnothing that's my son you have. Fabulous reader but would rather chew his arm off than have to write anything down. He also loves Lego but is more obsessed by football.

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itsnothingoriginal · 30/04/2013 14:41

TheSmallPrint - at least we know we are definitely not alone in our frustrations

Am holding onto Notquite' s image of having a tall hunky stranger for a son in a few years time!!

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NynaevesSister · 30/04/2013 17:06

Y3 here! I was hoping he would be different in Y4. The huffing and tutting I ignore. But what to do about the door slamming and 'you don't know me!'?

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NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 30/04/2013 17:10

we are going through a lovely patch with DS1 at the moment, he has just turned 9 and the last 3-4 months have been great.

He huffs from time to time but I just back off and tell him he is old enough to make his own choices as long as he handles the consequences..
no thank you letters, no gifts next birthday.
no homework, explain to teacher why he hasn't done it.

within a minute or so of me backing off he gets on and does it.

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BetsyBell · 30/04/2013 17:11

Y4 here - we have had periods of absolutely zero understanding of empathy which turns him into a self righteous moody pre-teen type character. However, a few days later he'll be charming, thoughtful and an utter delight to have around! Never know which one's going to wake up.

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Wellthen · 30/04/2013 20:44

I'm also in the 'oh good its not just me the' crowd but as a Y5 teacher! They definitely get stroppier at this age and start the huffing and puffing when they feel something is unreasonable!

Stay calm and keep insisting on your point. Dont get pulled into an argument as thats (subconciously) what they're looking for. You will pick your pants up because I'm telling you to and that is that. No pants, no xbox.

Remember they are copying adult behaviours in order to appear grown up. They begin to speak to you as if they are also an adult so be careful how often you are sarcastic or bad tempered around them 'For God's Sake!!' or 'this is ridiculous' will come back to haunt you!

If its any comfort they really need you to set the boundaries at this age. They keep coming back to the same behaviours because it is taking them to time to work out of you really mean it. They are discovering what is important in life because they have realised this is a matter of opinion and have grown out of 'grown ups are right about everything all the time'. If no shoes upstairs or no phones at the table is important to you then stick to it! Explain why and keep on and on and on insisting, refusing to be drawn into a discussion.

But this is the age when 'because I said so' comes into its own.

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Wellthen · 30/04/2013 20:45

Dunno how that random But snuck in there.

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Hercule · 30/04/2013 20:53

Second everything on this thread but def not just boys, Y4 DD went through total personality change halfway thro Y3. It was like that 'Kevin the teenager' sketch from Harry Enfield ( only several years too early). She went to bed a sweet amiable hard-working goody-two-shoes and woke up grumpy, argumentative and volatile withe the sole intention of breaking as many rules as possible and avoiding doing anything I wanted her to do.

A year later she's eased off a bit and more of the old, 'nicer' more amenable DD shines through, but she's still hard work!

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voddiekeepsmesane · 30/04/2013 21:14

yes yes to everything that has been said, mum to a year 4 monster boy here. He has had me walking out to the garden to count to ten quite a few times over the last few months.

Where has my sweet, loving and polite boy gone? I have now a argumentative, huffy puffy, condescending child!

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TheSmallPrint · 30/04/2013 21:45

wellthen I think you may be spot on. I am incredibly a bit sarky when I'm annoyed and I see it all come back to bite me on the arse now!

. I'm going to try and take your advice on that one.

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warmmagnolia · 30/04/2013 23:15

Yes ' Kevin' came on an extended visit here too. I had a 'huffing' teenager aged 6. I could not bear to be in earshot during homework and DH took over for a whole year. That was the deal, otherwise I would have left home.

I was beginning to think my sweet DS had disappeared forever, however, he has returned recently and suddenly I realised he was answering a question without a huff. I did at one point threaten to call the vet as the animal noises I was getting belonged in a zoo.

Kevin has now been replaced by an ultra mature version of DS, 'Mr Sensible'. I often feel like something out of AbFab now and I am the embarrassing, irresponsible Mum and DS keeps me in check. But it is amazing, we are actually having conversations and I cannot remember those happening for a long time.