URGENT advice needed about demanding to see head in the morning

(19 Posts)
lljkk Mon 25-Mar-13 12:17:45

Punishment of the boy is not your remit.
I don't know if I would have wanted a phone call, probably not.

My take is.... the best outcome for this, the outcome that would lead to the safest situation for your son in the long run, would be something like a restorative justice approach. Where everyone sits in a room and speaks about their own experience and feelings. Without justification but just stating facts. Because it means that the 2 boys would know there's no emotional baggage left hanging over them, no score to settle, they can both put it behind them.

I have been where you are, DS was duffed up in skatepark when he was 10 (by 2x13yo boys). And last week yr8 DS was assaulted by a yr11 boy. 10yo DS refused to try RestJustice but I am delighted that DS has agreed to RJ this time. We live in a small town, he will see the other lad around for rest of his life unless one of them moves away.

grants1000 Mon 25-Mar-13 11:41:22

The head is looking into it after a brief meeting on Thursday morning. I have DS off school as he feels too unsafe to go into school, had nightmares and tears since, crying this morning and feeling worried - this can't happen. The boy in question may have been dealt with, but I have no idea on this, but a mumbled apology to my DS is not good enough. We've written to the head and dropped the letter off this morning, he needs to reassure us and my DS this won't happen again and tell me what he is doing to ensure it won't happen again. They also need to address and acknowledge the upset and quite frankly trauma my DS is feeling, why he was not checked by a 1st aider and why were were not told about it and to see the written record. He has never been like this before and school need to take it more seriously and put steps in place to address it. I am not shoving my son to school when he is upset and worried.

They can piss right off with a mumbled apology! My son is still sore and bruised FFS. It is not just about punishing the boy who did this to him, the whole situation and the fall out for my DS has to be addressed also.

purpleroses Thu 21-Mar-13 19:56:50

How'd it go OP?

bangwhizz Thu 21-Mar-13 19:43:06

The matter has been dealt with and the boy punished.
The police will not be interested

Rainbowinthesky Thu 21-Mar-13 08:18:00

If someone did this to me I would report to the police. I agree, you need to go in to school this am. Good luck. Poor ds.

tiggytape Wed 20-Mar-13 21:48:50

How awful for you poor DS OP and I agree with you - this is a very serious and shocking incident. To be pushed to the ground, kicked and stamped on with zero provocation is a dreadful experience. Just because he is 10 doesn't make it any less awful than if it had happened to anyone else.

A first aider should have checked your DS over whether or not he complained of pain because the nature of the attack is such that he could have sustained severe injuries yet been in too much shock to register this. At the very least, they should have called you and informed you straight away. That would definitely be something I would want addressed and I would ask to see the written record tomorrow to make sure it has been properly recorded.

As to punishment - the boy has apologised and been banned from the team (permanently or for a long time I would hope). Yfronts is quite right - if you wanted to involve the police you could just as you might if you yourself had been attacked with no provocation. This is a horrible incident and there is no excuse for anyone to stamp on somebody else as they lay on the floor. It goes beyond playground shoving or accidental knocks. I would see what the school say first though before taking such a step and hope they can reassure you that it has been dealt with in a way that reassures you and more importantly reassures DS.

purpleroses Wed 20-Mar-13 21:42:15

Not sure the bullying policy is the way to go though - as bullying is usually classed as repeat behaviour - and sounds like this was probably a one off. But they should have some sort of policy on handling violent behaviour too.

purpleroses Wed 20-Mar-13 21:40:50

I'd be concerned too about why they didn't check him over and contact you as if he's still got marks and bruising then obviously they should have been able to see these at school. Definitely would want to talk to the head on that count.

The punishment is more tricky - as that is more the school's shout I think. But there's a big difference between doing something accidently, and just accidently kicking the hell out of the wrong person confused. I would have expected at least a formal warning to the boy and contact made with his parents.

CaptainSweatPants Wed 20-Mar-13 21:36:13

The head has already made the boy apologise & banned him fro
The team

What else would you like to be done?

Bluelightsandsirens Wed 20-Mar-13 21:32:21

It's good for you thathe head witnessed it, you have all the right to go to the school in the morning and tell them you want to see the head.

You may have to wait but if it becomes an unreasonable waiting time you could inform them that you want to report an assault and if the head can't make time for you you will report it to the police instead.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter Wed 20-Mar-13 21:26:01

Oh I'm glad he's not been seriously injured. What a terrible shock for him.

grants1000 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:21:52

I've checked him over and he hs red marks and some bruising, he did not tell me about it until a couple of hours after school, so he is not seriously injured but that is not thepoint!

I've just checked school website and read bullying policy, which has given me some good details.

cornsilkcremeeggspotter Wed 20-Mar-13 21:17:44

How awful - poor ds. sad I'm not sure what a first aider could have done though TBH.
Is he okay? Does he need medical attention now?

Yfronts Wed 20-Mar-13 21:17:10

The age for criminal responsibility is 10 - so you could involve the police and go over the head if unhappy. Although they wouldn't be interested probably???

grants1000 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:14:09

happened at morning break play, he did not specifially say 'can I see a first aider?' but he's 10 and just had the shit kicked out of him so I'd presume school should have done this, but it seems they did not.

When did it happen?

What is the published school policy re: bullying?

Did your son seek or ask for medical attention?

Sorry that this has happened to your son. I do think you are entitled to get some kind of explanation from the head as to what happened and the way the school are dealing with it.

grants1000 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:08:14

My DS is upset, full of anxiety about it, back hurts.

Boy who tripped up nasty boy said it was a mistake ie: not meant on purpose whilst they were playing footy, nasty boy throught it was on purpose and thought my DS had done it hence the attack.

BettySuarez Wed 20-Mar-13 21:05:29

How is your DS now?

In your OP you said it was a mistake?

grants1000 Wed 20-Mar-13 21:00:06

DS1 in Y6 got pushed to the ground and kicked in the spine and stamped on the shoulder, by a child in the same year, by mistake. He had thought my DS had tripped him over in footy (which happened by another boy by mistake). Head saw boy, made him apologise to my DS and has been banned from the school football team.

What I am FURIOUS about is that school did not phone me; my DS was not checked over by a first aider and finally what else are the school doing as punishment?

It's assault in the world outside school, why is it different in school?

Any other advice? I am going in first thing to ask to speak to the head.

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