Help, sexual bullying in Y1

(174 Posts)
Lost4anything Sat 19-Jan-13 12:40:32

My DD, age 5, told me that boys from Y2 (age 6) surrounded her and one boy told her "You are my girlfriend, baby", pulled her tights down and put his finger in her bottom "to feel inside".

Boys' parents know about this culture (before this incident) but find it cute and innocent. I spoken with the teacher and her first response was that boys deny everything.

I am having trouble moderating my reaction between taking her out of school to calling social services.

How to get the school to deal with this? In case anyone wonders, this an outstanding oversubscribed school in very leafy rural area.

What to say to DD?

It makes me feel ill to think that someone would lie about this kind of thing, especially when I see the damage it has done to mine and other families.

I share experiences on this board in the hope that it will help others in some little way but sometimes I wonder what the point is when people start doubting the validity of someone's post.

Phoebe47 Tue 22-Jan-13 13:45:54

We had an issue in the school I used to teach in when a boy sexually assaulted another boy. They were both six years old. It was immediately reported to Social Services who took it seriously and investigated the family of the perpetrator. It turned out that the child was allowed to stay up until the parents went to bed and that the parents spent the evening watching films many of which were pornographic. The child had seen the films too and had been acting out what he had seen. The parents also took drugs and the child saw this too but did not share in it. SS took it very seriously and the family were monitored over a long period of time with the threat of having the child removed if the behaviour continued. However, he did have to be closely monitored in the playground (as he did try to molest a child there) and was accompanied when he went to the toilet (by an adult waiting for him outside the door) and used the disabled toilet as then the adult could be sure he was the only one in there. This boy was as much a victim as the child he abused and both needed a lot of support after the incident. The school should be taking the incidents at your DD's s school seriously and I feel there must be some serious issues in this school if they do not do so.

Phoebe47 Tue 22-Jan-13 13:57:02

And as regards traveller children the ones that attended the school I worked in were lovely and the parents were too. A couple of the boys could be a bit challenging but so were some of the non traveller children. Certainly would rather my children shared a school with them than going to a school that does not keep children safe - where were the staff when the child was assaulted?

Lavenderhoney Tue 22-Jan-13 14:04:43

It's irrelevant the school is shut. Phones still work and so does email. Op, You can call all the agencies and contacts advised by more experienced posters. And email the school what you have done. Plus move her to another school. Any school is better than the one she is at. It's hardly a " naice" environment is it?

Personally I wouldnt leave it up to the school to manage it. It's too serious to be swept under the carpet.

If the op does nothing then she too IMO is enabling assault on her dd. by do nothing I mean moan at the head then sit and wait for someone else to protect her dd.

snowybrrr Tue 22-Jan-13 14:55:35

Of course it's not irrelevant.
They will have to interview the boys involved and any witnesses to find out what actually happened.

piggywigwig Tue 22-Jan-13 16:05:38

SparkleSoiree
I have to admit that when we first discovered what had happened to DD who was 3 at the time our reaction kept veering from shock to disbelief....it kept changing by the hour...the processing of information takes time when you consider all the issues. At the beginning you do wonder if it's an over reaction on your part because it seems SO unbelieveable....this kind of thing happens to other people.....not you.

Perhaps the OP is struggling to get her head around what has happened...?

Having gone through something similar as I've already posted ^ I know what you mean. It's very easy to think you know what you'd do, if it ever happened to you...but when it actually does happen to you, you get thrown completely off balance...for ages, believe me. Unless it's happened to you, you can't ever know how it's going to effect you or your child, or the course of action you choose to take in whatever time-frame

boredSAHMof4 Tue 22-Jan-13 16:50:53

I am inclined to wonder whether the little girl has perhaps been 'led' with her questioning.I cannot believe for 1 minute that 7 girls have been anally penetrated in the playground and :-
(1) no adult has seen it
(2) no child in the playground has seen and reported it to an adult (they are athe peak 'telling tales ' age)
(3) no victim has reported it to adult at school despite having told their friends (ie OPs daughter) about it
(4) OPs dd hasn't mentionedi it to her parents before now
and most of all
(5) that all these girls mummies know about it and have done nothing.

Finally and this might be TMI but I have recently had to administer a suppository to an unco operative toddler .It is not that easy I am not sure it would have been possible with child stood up straight and 'hobbled' by a pair of tights

I am not doubting that something has happened but I would be asking round the parents of MY child's friends first to see what they know.

mrz Tue 22-Jan-13 16:52:54

They will have to interview the boys involved and any witnesses to find out what actually happened.
They can do that in the home if school is closed.

BoredSAHMof4 The whole culture of inappropriate sexual behaviour is steeped in secrecy and the prevention of information getting out. I only found out what happened to my child by accident and I didn't tell my parents until I was an adult about how I was sexually abused.

It really isn't too difficult to imagine how these events can be kept secret for years after they happen. If it was easy to spot then we could save a lot of children from sexual abuse by adults and other children.

boredSAHMof4 Tue 22-Jan-13 17:26:00

Ok well, it is all the more important these 7 girls are interviewed then. If this can happen so many times in the short time the Ops child has been at school, the bloody place needs closing down .they clearly are failing abysmally in their duty of care towards the children

Absolutely agree with you.

Moominsarehippos Tue 22-Jan-13 17:47:30

I would go bloody mad. A child should not be touched.

I would speak to the child and also to some other parents (to see if others are worried about behaviour and see how far it goes). Children do exaggerate though - my friend ran a nursery and one child twanged another's elasticated trouser waistband with the handle of his plastic spade. Next thing the mum was at the school about her child having a spade handle shoved up his bum.

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the Head. I would copy the board of governors in with the request (with a basic outline of the agenda) and your local community police officer. They will know that you mean business. Don't name names but make it clear what the accusations are about and that you will tale this as far as you can.

What is your 'ideal' outcome?

boredSAHMof4 Wed 23-Jan-13 22:22:52

no update?

learnandsay Wed 23-Jan-13 22:44:04

I think the rest of the world has been kept out of the loop in this particular case.

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 23-Jan-13 23:03:06

I reported this thread the day it started so HQ are aware.

Very good point raised about the reaction to the action.

Also can't understand the under reaction from the op and the school and stand by my first post of contacting the police for advice and reporting to SS.

I don't understand why the school being closed impacts on the op taking action, if this was my DD - I have a 4 yr old DD I would be all over this with every agency I could find like a rash after falling into stinging nettles head first.

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 23-Jan-13 23:03:53

*advice

learnandsay Wed 23-Jan-13 23:11:39

Well, yes. But maybe the OP doesn't think that typing stuff into mumsnet at this point is the best use of her time.

mrz Thu 24-Jan-13 07:18:05

She certainly didn't think that way when she started this thread

TheFallenNinja Thu 24-Jan-13 07:35:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

GrannyRatOnAScooter Thu 24-Jan-13 10:50:15

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GrannyRatOnAScooter Thu 24-Jan-13 10:52:10

Sorry Bluelights just seen that you reported last night. Did MNHQ come back to you?

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 24-Jan-13 11:25:11

Hi all,

Many thanks to everyone who has reported this thread to us and for the wonderful advice support and links that you have shared to help the OP in this awful situation.

As far as we can see the OP is above board, can we please ask you to contact us with your concerns in the future rather troll hunting on the main Talk boards.

If the poster is a troll, you are giving them the attention they so desperately require and if they aren't, you could cause untold hurt to someone in a vulnerable position.

Many thanks

MNHQ

GrannyRatOnAScooter Thu 24-Jan-13 11:51:00

Thanks Rebecca we'll have to wait and see if the OP comes back.

Op, if you're still reading, I would urge you to heed the sound advice given by the many posters for the sake of protecting your child and the safety of others in the class.

AndiMac Thu 31-Jan-13 20:50:10

Any updates Lost4?

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