Is it really bad form to take your children with you to parents evening?

(52 Posts)
headfairy Wed 21-Nov-12 20:07:52

It's my first one, parents evening that is, and my mum is recovering from an op so can't look after the children while we go. I can get a 5.30 appointment but in order for dh and I to both go we'd need to take the kids. Is it better for just one of us to go rather than take them?

healstorturepeople Sat 24-Nov-12 18:07:59

When I was a teacher I actually preferred it when the children came too. It was much more relaxed and informal and also the child felt more included in their learning.

I did have a couple of occasions though when children were running around, yelling, causing chaos and this was difficult as I didn't feel like it was my place to tell the children to stop it while the parents were there. If you do take the children just make sure they know they have to behave, otherwise you won't get the info you came for! Maybe take some toys or a colouring book.

VonHerrBurton Sat 24-Nov-12 15:02:21

There's school-age childcare provided at our school. Doesn't help if you have toddler/s or baby to deal with though, obviously.

heggiehog Sat 24-Nov-12 13:33:08

"You know the child doesn't have SEN, but what else do you know of the situation and the younger sibling? It all sounds very judgmental tbh."

I know the family and the children very well. Cannot say more for confidentiality reasons and I don't want to be identified. You are being "judgemental" about me by making such a comment - YOU don't know anything of the situation beyond the very brief description I gave.

Headfairy - I hope you found a solution.

sausagesandwich34 Thu 22-Nov-12 18:10:07

the afterschool club at our primary runs a creche until 8pm

50p a child and they get a drink and a biscuit

you really can't argue with that

arkestra Thu 22-Nov-12 18:03:23

Both go. If kids act up then one of you (agree which beforehand) fields them. At worst you are no worse off than if just one of you went. At best you will both get to attend properly. That's what we do anyway.

Taffeta Wed 21-Nov-12 22:18:46

heggiehog - 6 yo, no. I assumed you meant a younger child.

I guess the point is that they may not get to the appointment unless they bring the child. You know the child doesn't have SEN, but what else do you know of the situation and the younger sibling? It all sounds very judgmental tbh.

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 21-Nov-12 22:17:41

I always take mine (LP) school usually has a box of lego on the carpet while the table you sit at to talk to the teacher is the other end.

amck5700 Wed 21-Nov-12 22:16:06

We've always taken our children into their own parents night. Not into each others though - so the one who isn't in with us sits on the chairs or benches outside the class with a book or a DS while we are in. Obviously if they were tiny and oblivious to what was being said we would have taken them in with us however as our boys are only a year apart that's never been the case. There are usually other parents and children waiting outside anyway so they are rarely out there alone and you only get 10 minutes so it's not exactly a long time to wait. Usually there are older kids outside the class keeping an eye on the appointment list and maintaining order anyway grin

They did do a creche thing in the library area one year but i think people saw it as free babysitting and went to the pub for an hour or two......... and I'm not joking!!

timtam23 Wed 21-Nov-12 22:09:09

Just had DS1's first parent's evening (in reception) and we both went, took DS2 as well as he is only 2 and we have no family locally. It was only a 10 minute appointment, the school is a 5 minute walk away so barely worth troubling someone else to take the kids for a few minutes. They sat on the mat in the classroom playing with the toys while we perched on the miniature kiddie chairs and had our few minutes with the teacher

No one turned a hair so I guess at DS's school it must be the done thing to bring kids too

nipersvest Wed 21-Nov-12 22:07:47

i always take mine to parents evenings, they go into the IT suite and play on the computers. they don't listen to what is being said though.

EdgarAllanPond Wed 21-Nov-12 22:07:44

i take all of them so we can both go - DH loves that opportunity to be involved but i am the one who has most charge over her education.

it will probably change when they get older, and get more constructive styles of feedback

LapinDeBois Wed 21-Nov-12 22:03:29

Have you spoken to other parents? We've just been to our first one, and the boys (5 and 2) stayed in the hall with a couple of other kids, and a TA to look after them. There were books and cars etc for them to play with. But the school didn't advertise this 'service', and if I hadn't asked other parents with older kids what they were planning to do, I wouldn't have known it was ok.

missmapp Wed 21-Nov-12 21:46:34

It is times like parent's evenng that a DS was made for- keeps mine quiet anyway!!

ladygoldenlion Wed 21-Nov-12 21:39:50

I think it's normal for the child to go in secondary school but not in primary school.

HTH

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:38:45

Also, Taffeta - I don't think it's "normal" for a six year old child to destroy a classroom while the parent sits there and does nothing about it. Or rather, it might be "normal" for them to allow their child to behave like that (no SEN before anyone mentions it), but I certainly don't think it's acceptable while I'm trying to conduct an appointment with them. What's the point?

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:35:27

TapselteerieO - any number of things. Could be SEN issues, social problems, issues within the family, discussions about school budget, pupil premium. Etc etc etc.

There are lots of things that I cannot talk about when there are children present and listening.

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:30:43

No, Taffeta, I would rather see the parent. But on some occasions they have had to make a second appointment to come and see me without a child in tow (confidentiality issues, as mentioned), which strikes me as being extremely pointless and a waste of both of our times.

heggiehog What are "the more "adult" parts of parenting and education" ?

DuelingFanjo Wed 21-Nov-12 21:20:21

when I was a kid I went with my parents and sat with them so I could hear what they said.

Taffeta Wed 21-Nov-12 21:20:06

That sounds like a fairly normal younger sibling to me, heggiehog. Would you rather have not seen the parent at all?

coldcupoftea Wed 21-Nov-12 21:18:15

In my class most of the parents brought the kids. They either sat meekly and listened to what was being said, or if there were younger siblings we sent them off to the book corner, or got out some pencils and paper. It's not a problem.

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:11:51

As a teacher I hate it when parents bring their children into the room during the appointment. It makes it very hard to be honest and talk about the more "adult" parts of parenting and education if you know the child is listening in. Of course it's nice to include the children in some things but there are often confidential matters that I cannot talk about with the child being present.

On one occasion I had a parent that brought in a younger sibling. The child spent the whole time rampaging around the room, knocking things over and poking the mother when she was bored. hmm

charllie Wed 21-Nov-12 21:08:41

I take my DD with me as i have no other choice. Its never been a problem

marquesas Wed 21-Nov-12 21:07:18

Both parents being able to go to every parents evening is a bit of a luxury imo. I'd rather one parent go and really be able to concentrate on what the teacher has to say. And selfishly when I'm waiting I don't like to see couples ahead of me as they always seem to take twice as long grin

XBenedict Wed 21-Nov-12 21:03:51

Our parents "evening" is often done after school in the afternoon. I always take the DCs. Now DD is in Y5 she is asked to attend the appointment with us. DS sits outside reading a book playing on my phone

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