DS, nearly 10, strongly objected to me giving him books about puberty etc

[Sparkymalarkey]

DS turns ten soon and I thought it was time for a bit of a chat about body changes etc. I recently noticed him having a bit of BO, and bought him deodorant - he was a bit embarrassed at first but now seems quite happy about it. The mum of one of his friends mentioned that my DS and her DS had been reading a 'what's happening to my body?' book round at their place, so I thought it was a good time to get him one of his own. Did a bit of research & bought a couple. Went in to his room this eve to give them to him, all ready to have a nice chat and he completely freaked out. Said it 'creeped him out' that I was giving the books, and refused to have them in his room. I suggested that he just keep them in a drawer in case he wanted them later, but point blank refusal to have them anywhere near him! He was crying & really upset. I hugged him & we agreed I'd take them away and he'd ask if he wanted them. He was completely fine after that - went back to normal, but I'm worried I've messed this up. I want him to be well informed, and to feel that he can talk to us - and the strength of his negative reaction worries me a bit.

[frankyboop]

You did the right thing so don't feel bad. My brother was exactly the same at that age. I would just leave the book in his drawer and say no more about it. He is still young. It's obviously an embarrassing subject for him to talk about but he will be thankful of the information to read in private

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

DD2 is like that to. She sorts out grow ing up just fine, she just doesn't like talking about it.

[ajandjjmum]

I remember my DM had a book she kept, obviously waiting for me to ask. I never did - I just used to go and read the book when she was out!

[aturtlenamedmack]

Yeah, put the books somewhere where he can easily find them if he's curious and I'm sure he'll have a look when he's ready. Curiosity will get the better of him eventually.

[Sparkymalarkey]

Thanks so much for the reassurance... so glad he's not the only one :) :) Maybe it's normal not to want to talk to your parents - in fact my own DPs put books on my bed and asked later if I had any questions and I remember shouting NO and running off - but I guess I had thought maybe I could chat more with DS. It was really the strength of his reaction that bothered me -crying & insisting I took the books away - he actually said he didn't want to know where they were... But I think I will just put them somewhere he is likely to come across them as suggested!

[combust22]

My kids would have been mortified too- I don't blame your son for reacting like this.

[DogCalledRudis]

Does your DS have an older brother, cousin, friend? Puberty conversations are less embarrassing with older kids than with parents.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

DD wasn't bothered by the female puberty stuff, but was horrified as a preteen when we had the sex discussion. I remember her saying she couldn't believe people did something so gross. I had to discuss it with her, however, as they were going to be going over it in a sex ed kind of class in school (mixed boys and girls) and I didn't want her to hear all of it for the first time in a big group of kids. She asked some questions, but was overall just disgusted.

Now she's 28 and finds it vastly amusing looking back at her attitude about it. I'm glad she's amused, as she's got an 8yo she'll have to be discussing it with soon I suppose.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Too true dogcalledrudis DD1's says her (year older) BF did an amazing mad scientist sex education lesson one night at Guide camp. Fortunately it seems it was both very funny and factually correct or it might have caused problems.

[Sparkymalarkey]

Ha elephantsneverforget, sounds great - unfortunately DS only has younger cousins & is oldest in his school year. Yup alicedoesntlivehereanymore, he has sex ed next year so I wanted to cover it before that. TBH I think he does know the mechanics, I just wanted to try and cover it in a less clinical way... But he has obviously discussed with the friend he was reading the book with, so maybe I should take done comfort from that - it's just me he doesn't want to discuss with!

[Sparkymalarkey]

Sorry, elephantsneverforgive for getting your name wrong

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

No worries it's a petty dig at HQ, I keep getting it wrong when I log on.

[steppemum]

ds is 11 and he recently did this. I think it is a reaction against it, because he doesn't want things to change and doesn't want to grow up.

He has known a lot about sex for ages, as we have always had open conversations, and he asks lots of questions, but the puberty thing was a bot too close to home!

[LOLeater]

DD2 exactly the same at that age. And DD1 wasn't that keen to know either. Maybe it's me!

[edamsavestheday]

ds is a year older than yours, and reacted with horror when I offered to buy him a book when they were doing sex ed at school. I think it's just all very 'yuck' for them to be discussing this stuff with their parents!

He's got it easy, I still remember my Mother offering to show me how to insert a tampon... OMG! (Obviously I didn't take her up on her deranged kind offer.)

[Sparkymalarkey]

LOL edamsavestheday at your mum and her tampon!

As long as he just thinks all a bit yuck for now I can live with that - hopefully I haven't traumatised him too much...

[edamsavestheday]

I'm sure you haven't.

My little sister was so horrified when I told her the tampon story, when she started she came and told me, not our Mother!

[Sparkymalarkey]

I would have welcomed some tampon advice myself - mum & the (quite old fashioned) books she gave me did not mention them! I suppose it's this kind of lack of information I'm trying to prevent DS from going through...

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I did pretty much show DD1 how to use a tampon, but she is the most down to earth, unembarrassable, person you can imagine. Also having to miss school swimming, and her nasty peers working out why would have been far worse.

DD2 would be mortified, she'll work it out herself when it's that or miss a swimming trip she really wants to do.

[CeliaFate]

Ds reacted like this too. I think it's a case of, "If I don't know about it, it can't happen!"