how can we get DS (age 11) to sleep through the night?

[goodbyegirl]

He says he can't get to sleep so uses my iPod for guided sleep meditations which gets him off successfully. Then after about 2 hours ALWAYS wakes again and comes in (torture as we have just gone into deep sleep...) Needs head stroked to get off again then is fine all night. It could be worse but every night?! We have tried Rescue remedy drops, Badger balm on forehead, Dr Stuarts herb tea, milky drink, hot water bottle, less light in the bedroom, no light in the bedroom, reward of 20 mins more computer time each night he doesn't disturb us....no change. Started before SATS and now the habit has stuck tho stress now gone. I have considered taking away computer/Wiu time but seems cruel, would rather save that for serious rudeness punishment (occasionally required). Other ideas welcome.

[MrsDavidBowie]

He shouldn't be on computer at least two hours before bedtime.
And he has not got to come in your room!! He's 11..if he can't sleep, nothing you can do to help. He's being very inconsiderate.

[TeWiSavesTheDay]

Can you tell him to put the iPod back on again to go back to sleep?

It sounds like habit really, would explaining that it's normal to wake through the night as part of sleep cycles and the best thing to do is just turn over and close his eyes help?

[TeenAndTween]

DD1 has always been poor at getting to sleep and when about the same age also got into a short habit of getting up to tell us she couldn't sleep. If she woke she had a tendency to keep looking at the clock to see how long she had been awake for.

At various times we tried a variety of:

• electronic stuff off at least 1 hour before bed
• possibly walk before bedtime
• no coming in if wake in night - only wakes them up more
• no lit-up stuff in room, e.g. radio alarm clocks, clock facing away from bed anyway
• say turn over and go back to sleep, or go to loo and go back to sleep
• more exercise general to physically tire out
• make sure curtains are dark enough

Is he bright and cheerful in morning or tired and grumpy?

• bright and cheerful - try putting bedtime back
• grumpy - try making bedtime earlier

Best of luck!

[WeAllHaveWings]

I sometimes get into a routine of waking up and not being able to sleep, I find breaking the routine helps. Get up really early for a coupe of days (before 7) and have long, full days walking dog etc and earlier nights works for me.

Also the usual, no computer time, no sweets/choc/cola, lots of fresh air.

[SavoyCabbage]

I would do no computers at all for a few weeks to see if it makes a difference.

And put the iPod on repeat if you haven't already. I listen to one too and it really helps me.

[BellaVita]

Agree with MrsDB. He is 11 fgs not a toddler.

[ExcuseTypos]

I'd be very direct, sit him down and tell him that it's a habit that needs breaking. No one wants him to be waking for months on end so you're going to try to get him into a better sleeppattern. Tell him that coming onto your room is just waking him up more, that it would be much better for him to settle himself. Talk about what options he thinks would help(so he has some input) but I too think he should just put the iPod app back on.

It may take a few nights but I'm sure he can do it.

[Minnieisthedevilmouse]

It seems cruel?

Self centered more like. What you mean is he is quiet and occupied. You know the likely answer but you aren't even trying it? Instead expecting someone else to come up with another idea.

I get it is nice to have a few mins quiet earlier but it seems to be at the expense of sleep and that seems rather daft....

[Solo]

My Ds started not sleeping at the same age and now he's almost 16, it still happens every night. He took to making himself stay away all night and then going straight to bed after school the following afternoon so that he could sleep right through!!! I think it's an age/hormones/changes in life thing and if they suffer from it, there's not much that can be done. I tried everything I could think of and nothing helped. I hope you have more luck.

[Solo]

awake not away.

[Needaninsight]

Ok fine, he's awake. Why is that your problem? He's 11. I wouldnt have dreamt of waking my parents up at that age.

[Corygal]

He needs to stop coming into your room - waking the whole family will only wake him up further and is ludicrous.

He also needs some exercise after school.

[goodbyegirl]

I talked to him about how unnecessary it is to wake us and he saw I was quite fed up/upset. (Actually I lost it completely "It's 1 ' o clock in the *...ing morning, if you can't sleep why is it my problem?! Even the mothers on MumsNet think that!") And miraculously it stopped. Thank you girls!

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

No rule other than by 10.30pm you are in your room and you don't come out.

There is no point in worrying if he's reading, computing, listening to music, singing quietly enough not to disturb everyone else, knitting or painting.

DD1 did all of these, it really doesn't matter, there is no way of getting some teens to sleep. As long as they don't disturb you it's a non problem until Sept. and with it this hot a totally futile exercise.

Come the new school term, it may be a problem. DD1 could be up to 12 and up at 7am. DD2 can't, but she is mostly happy to be chased to bed around 10.30. She's mostly a much better sleeper than her sister, but she can spend an hour in an evening throwing back somersaults and complex gymnastics on the trampoline. Clearly this is tiring, but it's also something where she feels totally in control. It's a totally clean break from school.

[TeenAndTween]

Result!

[Heyho111]

We sleep in cycle. We start in non rem sleep , then that turns into rem sleep after that we all partially wake and the cycle goes back to non rem sleep. Each cycle lasts 2 to 3 hours.
Particial waking is when we stir and check our environment. If nothing has changed we drift off back to sleep unaware we half woke up. If something has changed such as we need the loo we wake up fully. What is happening is your sons environment has changed causing him to wake fully. The iPod was on - now it's off.
To fall asleep you need to produce a hormone called meletonine. The dark triggers our brain to produce it. We can train our brains to produce it that's why we put routines in place.
If you can't stop using the iPod when he's been asleep for an hour go in and rub his arm to stir him. This will knock his sleep cycle and may stop him waking.
Or you are going to have to set another routine up. Which is probably going to be difficult.