Anyone else literally can't speak to their 12 yo without being wrong at all times?

[CheshireEditor]

I think it is probably better of we no longer communicate, but whatever I say or do is horifically incorrect. Subjects of Dicourse include:-

Revision - for more than 10 mins at a time
Food - sausages being the fat and not the thin ones
Freedom
Not having an x Box One
Having a younger brother
His Dad being away on business
Not batting at cricket

The list goes on.....

I just flipped as he was very rude to me in front of other parents, my crime; to ask him nicely to hurry up as I needed a wee (no loos where we were) Everyone else has left and he's still faffing about. Then I dared test another Mum (friend) about something and he said 'soooo awrkward for goodness sake'

[BlueJean]

Sorry but no - I have never ,ever, been corrected by a DC of any age.

If one of mine had even hinted that something I said was "soo awkward" they wouldn't be speaking to anyone for the foreseeable future. They would have had some serious repenting to do before they would be allowed screen time of any sort and after school activities would be severely limited.


I cant offer you any advice Im afraid but I will commiserate with you as it sounds almost like being in an abusive relationship with an adult.

[HolidayCriminal]

You know the old saw...
"If you want the answer to any question, just ask a Teenager. They know the answer the answer for everything!"

Must admit I just talking at all to mine at that point. The silent treatment can be remarkably effective.

[HolidayCriminal]

That's it, @MNHQ I really want a 5 minute edit window for posts.

I need to go get some sunshine.

[TroyMcClure]

stop reacting would be my suggestion
Take a tip from this excellent book www.amazon.co.uk/How-Talk-Teens-Will-Listen/dp/1853408573?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
and just say ' ahum ahem' when he rants on.

its a good buy

[TroyMcClure]

and crack down on the back chat.
That is not ok.
If he speaks to you like that simply start imposing sanctions, but DO listen to how you speak to him and you and your H to each other, (and listen to how MUCH you speak to him, do you over instruct?)

Respectful relationships between parents tend to rub off on kids.

[Muskey]

I completely understand where you are coming from. My dd is nearly 11 and I want her to stop being a brat..not sure what has got into her lately...I think it might be hormonal but ye gods she is either biting everyone's heads off for no reason or walking off in a huff when I am in mid sentence. Trying to get her to revise for the school exams is an argument in itself. Just ordered the book that trot has recommended. I have taken her iPod off her so many times lately that it has taken up permanent residence in my bedroom. Obviously whatever I do it isn't working

[NoFM2R]

Stop reacting is right.

Also, consider this; Do you do any of the things that your child does that you don't like? If you don't like them being rude or embarrassing you in public, do be sure that you're not doing it to them.

Children get this stuff from somewhere, best to make sure its not you or your partner.

I encourage my children to correct me or to disagree with me; as long as they can do it politely and explain their point coherently.

The alternative is to teach them that being wrong is ok as long as you're big.

I do not, however, accept rudeness. But then I am never rude to them, whatever the circumstances.

[meditrina]

I am having similar troubles with both 13yo and 10yo.

It's a bit like having toddlers again - testing new boundaries - and it does go away as they mature (15 yo is no longer thus afflicted).

I think it's quite a common phenomenon, and can be quite a shock when it happens after several years of normally good behaviour.

[Freckletoes]

This sounds perfectly normal despite what other posters say! My DS1 is 13 and just the same, DD is 12 and going the same way. I despair about it-then speak to parents of their friends and they have exactly the same problems. this is what teenagers do! Yay!

[restandpeace]

My 12 year old is a pita. Inlove her dearly but she is awful if things arent here way!

[exexpat]

DS was like that a few years ago, but he's grown out of it now (aged 15). I think it's a phase they nearly all go through.

[Squeegle]

My daughter is 12. Up until now she has been a charming, shy, kind, pragmatic, gentle and thoughtful little girl.

She has recently started getting enraged either with me or with her brother. She pulled his hair so hard he was crying with pain. It's like she becomes another person. Later she says she is sorry, but it is impossible to talk to her when she's like this.

It's a real shock, I don't quite know how to deal with it- so have just bought that book mentioned above. My evening reading tonight!

[JessyJames]

Oh yes. My nearly 12 year old ds went to a party yesterday. It involved lots of different activities including a lot of walking.
Apparently it was my fault he didn't know about the walking as I hadn't read the party invitation to him.
That would be the invitation addressed to him, that he brought home in his school bag!

[NoFM2R]

The solution may not be easy, but the problem is...

1. My [perhaps 5 year old] child is a good child and does everything I say.
   
   
2. My [perhaps 15 year old] child is very responsible and makes all the right decisions.
   
   And you have a child half way through the process trying to learn which decisions to make, which he/she is allowed to make, which he/she must make etc. etc.
   
   Ally that with a teenagers natural laziness, and what do you expect?
   
   If this child had been 8 you would probably have decided what shoes he should take without consulting him. If he had been 18 he would not have consulted you. But you're halfway through.
   
   If I were you I would see the positive in that you must have been a good parent until now because your child depends upon you.
   
   Now you're in yet another educational process.