Where to say goodnight.

[maxo123]

Just wondering what people do at bedtime for their kids aged 11 and over. Do you say good night to them and then expect them to take themselves up to bed, read for a bit and then put their light out (maybe after a quick reminder)? Or do you say goodnight to them once they're in bed at lights out time?
I am getting really fed up as bedtime is pushed to beyond 9.30 at not being able to just sit down and relax for the evening, but having to put it off until we've said goodnight in my sons' room, invariably one decides to go to the toilet, and then it's a case of hanging around for ages. There's less time to just relax in the evening than when they were babies and it seems ridiculous to me.

[stella69x]

Not got anything usefull to add but I sometimes find myself saying good night to DS as I'm off to bed and he is still up. He is nearly14 and come 10:30 on a week night I'm of to bed.

His instructions are switch every thing off or you have to go to bed when I do. He sometimes goes to bed before me, depends on how tired we both are. I always make sure door is locked etc, and if he is tired from staying up its his consequence in the morning

[OddBoots]

DS14, DD 10: we say goodnight as they head upstairs to bed, they are in their rooms by 9, I don't mind how long they read for as I think they'll fall asleep when they're tired (proper books, not any kind of screen).

[InTheRedCorner]

I have to stay awake util DC are sleeping. DD 11 has a friend over to sleep tonight so I'm still up.

They are in bed with no phones but still chatting...

[NoComet]

Somewhere between 11 and 12 DD2 has finally stopped staying up until some one kisses her good night upstairs.

[curlew]

Why can't you relax downstairs, then pop up for 5 minutes to turn lights out and say goodnight?

[Notmyidea]

Curlew, that's how we do it. I agree though that it's hard to relax now they are up longer. Mine colonise the lounge rather than unwind in their rooms.

[AgadorSpartacus]

Some nights DS (11) says goodnight downstairs and takes himself up to bed, some nights one of us goes up with him to see him in to bed and once or twice a week I take him up and read to him for 10 minutes.

This is all done and dusted by 9pm mind you

[BehindLockNumberNine]

DD aged nearly 11 goes up to bed at 9. We say goodnight to her as she goes. She is expected to get wash, get into her pj's and do her teeth. She can then read (no screens although I know she sometimes sneaks her Nintendo to bed) until she falls asleep.
We do not go and check on her whilst we are downstairs. It is our time to relax. I don't understand why you can't just do that OP?

When we go to bed (around 11) one of us pops in to check on her. Sometimes she is still awake and we have to tell her to go to sleep, sometimes the bedside light is on but she is asleep so we just turn the light off and sometimes she is asleep and the light is of!

DS is 14. He tends to go upstairs anywhere between 9 and 10 depending on if there is something on tv he wants to watch with us (and which we want to watch with him).
Once upstairs he reads, fiddles with his phone, does some revision (he is like me, I used to do my best revision in the evening whilst sitting in bed) and he will go to bed when he is ready. We just occasionally have to remind him to do teeth and face...

[BehindLockNumberNine]

washed

[maxo123]

BehindLockNumberNine - that's what I want to do. Cause of major disagreement with DH though who thinks we should be going upstairs, switching off light etc. This is what we're doing and it's not working as they are not winding down (DS 2 & DS 3 share a room), in fact I think it makes them more wide awake by going in to their room, getting water for them, talking to them etc, proved I believe by the fact they find it difficult to go to sleep. Just doing some research to back up my argument! Wish I could persuade DH though.

[BehindLockNumberNine]

I can sort of see where your dh is coming from, luckily mine soon realised he preferred having a more 'relaxed' evening...

I think there comes a time when children / preteens are too old to be 'tucked in' at a specific time. Their body clock (and this changes in preteens) tells them when they are tired.

Dd has never needed much sleep, so I am not usually surprised to still find her up at 11pm Although I would rather she was asleep much earlier, me going up to tuck her in, turn off her light, keep checking on her etc won't actually make her go asleep any earlier, but it does make for an exhausting and not very pleasant evening for all of us! Once dh and I realised that and relaxed about it things have been much calmer

DS has always been a good sleeper and he will quite often be asleep by 11pm when we go to bed (albeit usually with lights still on and ipod still playing music, we have to untangle him from his headphones and turn out the light!!)

[Tuhlulah]

8pm, DS reminded to wash, clean teeth and undress. We tell him he has to be in bed for 8.30pm, lights out for 9pm (or in bed for 8pm, lights out for 8.30pm, depending on how tired he is, if unwell, etc). Then, when he's had a last wee and is in bed both Dh and I go in and kiss him while he's in bed.

Add in lots of nagging. Then, there may be trips to the loo, or DS coming in to tell me he can't sleep, which prompts DH to tell him to go to bed and go to sleep, which prompts DS to tell DH he can't sleep and would if he could. By now, I'm on eggshells and tense, waiting for that inevitable 'you know you really have to go to sleep', as I prepare to hiss, 'if he could sleep he would.'

Dh reasons that he has a better chance of going to sleep if he is actually in bed with lights off, and if not asleep he is actually resting. He has a point. And DS has hypermobility and needs all the sleep he can get.

We like kissing him goodnight and he still enjoys being kissed goodnight. But left to his own devices he's be up til midnight and beyond. I must confess, bedtimes are getting a bit tense nowadays.

[RevelsRoulette]

mine are 13 and 14 and I tell them it's bedroom time. (the time at which they must retire to their rooms in order to wind down, but they don't have to actually settle down to sleep, they can have up to an hour to relax, but they can't be running around, yelling, going up and down stairs, etc. It's proper quiet time)

I prompt them to brush their teeth, have a wash, etc and say goodnight. I ask for a hug and sometimes I get one. but then I'll sneak in when I go to bed just to look at them. They look so cute when they're asleep. I just want to squish 'em.

[Takver]

My dd is 11.5 - she goes off to get ready for bed at 8.30ish, lights out around 9. She still likes a bedtime drink, either she makes it herself or I do (I generally have a cuppa around then anyway so no trouble to make something for her). I do usually go up and say goodnight / plait her hair for her if she wants / have a chat about the day, but if I'm busy or if we have friends round then I just say goodnight downstairs.

[Lucyadams184]

I would say goodnight upstairs, so that you can tuck in and give a hug and switch off the light as you go. My kids are a bit younger though but I would just enjoy it whilst it lasts.

[passedgo]

Mine have regressed to toddlerhood and I now even considering brushing their teeth for them in order to get them down at a reasonable hour.

But they don't get up til 7.30 so technically even if they fall asleep at 10.30 they are getting a good 9 hours sleep.

We start at about 6pm with the 'pack your bags' routine, always ignored, and by 11pm we are popping up and down stairs finding them in one state of unreadiness or another. Our expressions of dismay and horror are running out now and getting tedious. Quite a few times recently we have just left them to get tired and suffer.

You do have to think through how many hours sleep they are getting rather than what time they are going to bed.

[passedgo]

Mine are 13 & 15 btw

[bigTillyMint]

We say goodnight to DS (12) as he goes up, or sometimes we pop in once he is in bed.

We knock and say goodnight to DD(14) as she is usually just about on her way to bed when we go up!

Neither of them seem to get to sleep till way after us though!

[BackforGood]

I send them up. When I go to bed I go in and check on them and sometimes have a chat if they are still awake (which is as often as not for 12 yr old, and always for 15 and 17 yr olds). If I'm moving about the house, as quite often will be in the evening after they've gone to bed, I go in then, but if I'm sitting comfortably, I don't go specially.