Earlier this week there was an incident affecting my just-10-yo son and his nearly-10-yo friend. The friend was sent home from youth club for pretending to "bumrape" (term used by my son to explain what had happened) another male friend of the same age. We are very open and answer any question that is asked, (he is fully aware of sex, contraception etc as he asked questions when he did puberty at school) so have had the conversation about what he thinks it's means/ what it is etc, which he seems to have taken in his stride. I'm struggling with the fact that we still read to him at night, he cuddles up with his teddy bear etc, yet is exposed to information that he's (in my opinion) too young to have to deal with. His friend is allowed to watch things like SouthPark, and Mrs Brown's boys, though when you speak to Mum he's not allowed to swear! I am fully aware that my son probably engages in conversations and uses language when we're not there, that we wouldn't consider appropriate, but I am SO angry that he's being exposed to such adult things. Our son is very open and tells us things, which I don't want to jeopardise, so try not to judge his friends and talk about was is acceptable within families differs, what we consider unacceptable and why.
I know the obvious answer is to curtail this friendship and encourage others, however, his school peer group is very small, so all the boys are all friends with each other, and there doesn't seem to be much to choose between the lot of them!! I have had conversations with parents from this group who think swearing is acceptable, who don't monitor internet use. Boys who have asked my why they can't access the internet in our house because they want to look at images of female popstars in bikini's etc.
All his peer group play on an ipod game where they can message. We are the only parents who check the content of the messages. All of the others either use extremely explicit language and / or talk about the fact that they would like (named) female peers "to sit on them and go up and down" and "lick them". It has been a difficult year for them all with lots of falling out and changes in close friendships. The friend mentioned has become my son's best friend since Christmas following bust ups with other boys that my son has distanced himself from by creating this new friend, whom he adores, and who seemed to be the best of the bunch. During this time my son has matured, he's chattier with adults and confident. He has however,also become quite anxious about becoming independent "what happens if I come home and you've all left etc".
I desperately want to keep lines of communication open, but I'm struggling with the fact that although I'm friendly with the friend's mum (to enable me to monitor what is going on) we parent very differently.
My emotional instinct is to stop them playing together, which I know I can't realistically do. I also feel that whoever he chooses to be friends with the situation will be the same. My reasoned instinct is that I need to encourage the friend to spend more time at our house (rather than them both going to the park) and to join in with our family so I can monitor what's happening and tell him when he's not being appropriate. BUT, I'm not sure whether this will be seen as an acceptance of what is going on, and the friend's behaviour. I am also aware that our 6 yo son will potentially become exposed.
My son is in cubs which none of his school friends are in, though he won't socialise with other cubs out of meeting / camp time. It has been a struggle to keep him cubs as his friends tell him it's not cool. Although we made him stay for the last 2 terms (he could only go to youth club if he stayed at cubs) he doesn't really want to go and I fear that forcing him to go will end up doing more harm than good. Most of his school friends will go to the same secondary school as him.
Can I stop my son's exposure to things or just make sure I'm aware of it and talk to him ?
Not sure what to do for the best. I feel like packing up the tent and finding a field to spend the summer holidays in Help!!
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10 year old access to " inappropriate" sexual information from friends
6 replies
Jel02 · 09/08/2013 07:01
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