Caught my 12yr old son watching porn

[Alwaysanotherhurdle]

Advice please.... Caught my son watching porn on his phone, was to shocked to deal with at the time but spoke with him the next morning and it all boiled down to discussions with his peers. He is quite immature for his age & very naive, kids at school call each other names and talk about stuff he didn't have a clue about & other boys said to him about watching stuff on the net. I checked his history & it had only been going on for a couple of weeks but plenty long enough to open his eyes! I had a chat to him about it not being age appropriate, not how most sexual relations are, not what girls really want etc & the dangers of looking up this info on the web & what it leads to etc. having spoken with others it seems to be the norm for boys of this age however I was checking his texts & a friend had been talking to him about doing dares & suggested that my son touch his penis & even suggested sucking it! Please help I really don't know how to deal with this.

[mintchocchick]

I think I will be shocked the first time I see that my DS has been looking at porn online - an interest in sexual things is totally normal but what they can get access to very quickly is really worrying and horrific. Sounds like you handled it well.

But the texts would worry me more TBH. That sounds really odd, more than just messing. If it were me, I'd be chatting to DS about the texts. Do you know the boy?

[pillow1999]

Take the internet off the phone and monitor his on line access in the home.

Outside the home is more tricky.

[EliotNess]

phone

punish


monitor

etc

[mintchocchick]

Why punish? I wouldn't be going down that route at all. What has the OPs DS done that deserved to be punished?

There are 2 things going on here - the interest in porn is normal so you can't 'punish' that but I agree taking Internet off phone is a good start. There is something on the ofcom website about how to do it if you're unsure - I'd be contacting supplier of phone to ask them how to do it in such a way that it can't be undone by a savvy teen.

The second thing is texts from this boy. That would really concern me. Maybe your DS is being pushed into things and needs support. It doesn't sound normal behaviour to be suggesting touching/sucking penis. I would intervene there really quickly and chat to my DS about texts.

[EliotNess]

Misusing a phone.

[Roma2013]

Please tread carefully. Masturbation isn t unusual at that age so you need to make sure the convo with his friend remains separate from this. The 'dares' seem to cross a line which you perhaps need to monitor but I dont have sons and others might be able to advise on typical 12 yr old boys interaction/banter with each other. He will be terribly embarassed anyway. Perhaps a reply saying to his friend that his parents have access to his phone?

[meditrina]

Install software such as K9 on his phone.

It'll limit what he can find, but once secondary age it's hard to prevent someone who is motivated to look from finding.

Then you have to turn to educating DS about pornography, and wider Internet safety. For he won't be the only one with an unfiltered device, so it really is a matter that has to be tackled via the person, not the machine.

[valiumredhead]

Interest in porn is not usual at 12, interest in sex is.

Personally I'd take his phone off him quick smart or at the very least only have texts and calk time on it.

Very serious talk about porn/porn industry.

I read something yesterday that mentioned the need for more sex in young adult's books so kids can explore sex within a safe environment rather than looking at porn.

[valiumredhead]

Good for you OP for explaining that porn isn't real life, I'm horrified kids are growing up with porn as their first experience of sex!

[valiumredhead]

And you'd better believe of punish a 12 year old for watching porn on a phone!

[valiumredhead]

I'd not of