10 yo dd constant meltdowns (long, sorry)

[Sparklymommy]

Ok, I'm looking for a bit of advice really. My dd is 10, and has started puberty (recently noticed her breasts are developing, a few hairs under her arms etc, no periods). Emotionally she is ALL over the place. She won't talk about the changes she is going through, actively avoids talking about "sex stuff" and growing up. That is something that concerns me, but at the moment her constant meltdowns are the more pressing issue.

An example; on Monday we went to the beach. I took all Dc to the shop to buy a bucket and spade. Each chose what they wanted. Dd1 had chosen a heart shaped bucket the same as her younger sister. When we got to the till she mentioned that she thought she might change her mind. I told her to be quick and make her mind up, she said the one she had was fine and I paid. Fast forward two minutes to getting to nana on the beach where she is crying because "mummy wouldn't let me change it". Sent her back to the shop to exchange it if that's what she wanted and for five minutes all was peaceful. Then she wanted to have a turn with her younger sisters bucket (the same as the one she had just exchanged!!!!). I told her that wasn't on and if dd2 didn't want to share with her she couldn't make her. Dd1 can't have her cake and eat it! Cue major upset which I managed to diffuse by cracking open the picnic.

A couple of hours later she had a major meltdown when it was time to pack up. She wanted to go to the park whilst the rest of us tidied up and I said no. I was very careful not to get into an argument but her upset managed to escalate (especially when her uncle tried to intervene and removed her from the group). By this time she was literally shaking with sobs and crying her eyes out. Eventually managed to calm her down but it's so draining!

The next day dd1 had a meltdown over the wrong flavour squash in her cup. Over the past 2 weeks we have had at least one incident a day and causes have included: the restaurant we were eating in not having the dessert she wanted, the ballet shoes she took to class being too tight, the colouring she was doing having water spilt on it, a spelling mistake in her homework, her tea being something she isn't keen on, her school uniform being un- ironed (I was in the process of ironing it). She is blowing these things out of all proportion and getting extremely upset.

The most worrying instance was when she had a lesson with a top London vocal tutor who told her that vocally he cannot fault her, and therefore feels he is unable to really teach her much (he sees her about once every six months), but that she could do with an acting tutor to help her bring some facial expression to her performance. This resulted in years and upset all the way home as she could not see the compliments he had paid her and felt that he was saying she was rubbish. He wasn't, he was trying to be helpful, and not waste our money, but she was inconsolable for an extended period.

Can anyone tell me if this is normal? And how I should deal with it? Would the GP be able to help or is this something that she is going to have to overcome on her own? I have tried so hard to deal with her calmly and I do understand that she's going through a challenging time, and I haven't shouted once. But it is tiring and worrying that these meltdowns are escalating mainly over silly little things. She is not a naughty child, or trying it on, she is genuinely emotionally distressed when she has these upsets.

Sorry it's so long :(

[mikkii]

It sounds completely normal to me and it also sounds like you are handling it very well. I would have been screaming with rage long before this.

Does she have a girl cousin who is a few years older (and sensible) who she can talk to? I know at her age I would never have talked to my mum, but a cousin she respects may be able to broach the subject?

Sorry, not much help I'm afraid.

[snozzlemaid]

Sounds very like my dd 11 who's very hormonal and at certain times has meltdowns like you describe.
I'm lucky in that my dd will talk to me about it all and I have discussed with her (after she has calmed down) how it's probably her hormones making her feel so upset and angry sometimes. She does realise afterwards that her behaviour was 'silly' -for want of a better word. And I think now she's beginning to get these meltdowns under control a bit.
I tend to leave her alone when it happens, which is easy as she normally storms to her room anyway. Give her plenty of time to calm down then she's ready for a hug and to chat about what happened.

[Sparklymommy]

Thank you for your responses. No she doesn't have an older cousin, she's the first grandchild on both sides so no one to really talk to. She doesn't appear to have any strong friendships either. Lots of fair weather friends but no one special. She did mention that she wanted me to take her to M and S for a crop top (apparently one of the girls at school says M and S are best for that!), but other than that she don't talk about body changes.

I think i'm going to have to keep an eye on the emotional stuff, and just make sure I am there for her when she does want to talk.

[muddymarvellousdarling]

Yep, my DD 11 is the same. I am choosing my battles very carefully at the moment.
One minute she is the happy loveable person I know the next she is a nightmare to be with. Meltdowns, arguing with everything etc..
I know it's normal and part of her growing up but i'm so glad she is my last and only DD.
The boys were so much easier.
(She hasn't even reached her teens yet.)

I'm just telling my DD that these meltdowns are normal and it's just her body growing up.

I with you op all we can do is be there for them.
(my mother says it's payback for when I was the same age!!)